Thinking Of You
by IvyandLime
Summary: Bella and the Cullens have spent the last two years trying to rebuild their lives after the sudden death of Edward. So when Bella takes a spur-of-the-moment holiday to Australia, what dark secrets will she discover about her deceased fiancé? AU-Human
1. Prologue

**Thinking of You**

**Prologue**

I walked up the front path to the porch of Carlisle and Esme's house to find my soon-to-be brother- and sister-in-law sitting on the porch swing overlooking the garden. As I approached the house, I noticed that something seemed to be lacking in their normal personalities; Emmett sat with his arms wrapped around Alice's small frame, while she rested her head on his shoulder, both of them silent and staring at nothing.

I climbed up the steps and across the wooden slats of the porch, coming to a stop in front of the porch swing. I leaned back against the railing behind me and crossed my arms in front of my chest.

Neither of them even blinked at my arrival. I wondered what had them both so unhinged; I had never seen either of them in a state anywhere near their current ones. It had me slightly unnerved.

"Hello, Earth to Emmett and Alice," I said waving my hands in front of their faces.

A flicker of recognition in their eyes appeared to bring them back to the present. Something extremely odd was going on.

"Hey Bella," Emmett mumbled, rising mechanically from the swing and pulling me into a hug. It could have been my imagination, but I swear his hug was more forceful than usual. I think I heard my ribs crack.

Was that a tear I felt drop on my shoulder? As Emmett pulled away from me, I scanned his face for any sign of tear tracks. There didn't appear to be any, but his eyes did look a little red and puffy. Had he been crying? Maybe he was just tired. That must be it … he and Alice must have had a late night last night and were feeling the effects of it today. It wouldn't be the first time.

But still … their behavior irked me.

Emmett returned to his seat beside Alice as I walked over to her, giving her a quick hug and a peck on the cheek before returning to my spot against the railing.

"Are you guys okay?" I asked. "You don't look too good."

Alice opened her mouth to say something, but words seemed to fail her. She shook her head and kept her gaze glued to the floor. It was then that I noticed she hadn't made eye contact with me since I'd arrived. Come to think of it, neither had Emmett.

"Okay, seriously, what is going on? You look like someone died."

A small gasp escaped from Alice.

"Oh my- Carlisle and Esme? Did something happen to them? Is that why you're here?" I asked, my mind going into overdrive, all thoughts saturated with worry.

Emmett shook his head, saying, "No! No, they're both okay. Well, as okay as-"

"Oh thank goodness!" I exclaimed, letting out the breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. "You scared me for a minute there. I'm actually glad you're both here. I came to see your parents, but you'll probably be more help to me. Have you heard from Edward, or do you know where he is? We were supposed to meet for dinner after we'd both finished classes last night, but he didn't show up. I thought maybe he got caught up with a professor or some classmates, but when he didn't come home at all last night, or return any of my messages, I started to get a little worried. The last time he didn't come home was when you and Jasper took him out after exams and got him so drunk he couldn't remember his own name, Emmett."

Alice made a small noise that sounded like a sob. I looked at Emmett, worried. He avoided my gaze, but shuffled over on the swing a little to make room for another person.

"Bella, you might want to sit down."

"I'm fine where I am, thank you. Can one of you please tell me what's going on?" I demanded. "You're both acting so strange."

Emmett looked up suddenly, and as his eyes connected with mine, I felt a jolt of fear run through me. His eyes were so lifeless, dark and empty. It was a haunting look, one I hoped never to see again. It scared me.

With a shaky sigh, Emmett got to his feet and took my small hands in his own bear-like paws.

"Bella … Edward … he's … Edward's dead."

I gaped at him, my mouth hanging open, for an immeasurable amount of time.

"What?"

My brain was trying to process Emmett's words. Edward was … dead? No, I mustn't have heard him right. I'd only just seen him not even twenty-four hours ago.

Suddenly, a fit of giggles overtook me. Alice looked up at me with a look of horror on her face.

"Ha! You're good Emmett. You nearly had me going for a minute there," I gasped, the giggles becoming uncontrollable. "Seriously, you couldn't have come up with something more original? That was a poor effort, even for your standards. I must admit though, your acting skills have really improved a heap since your last prank. Now come on, where is he really?"

Emmett gripped my hands tighter, his eyes boring into mine.

"I wasn't joking, Bella."

My giggles began to rapidly decrease at the realization that Emmett was being serious. I turned my stare to Alice for confirmation. She burst into tears and buried her face in her hands, her small frame shaking with the power of her sobs.

I pulled my hands out of Emmett's grasp as though burned.

"No, I – I don't believe you," I said, stepping back from him.

"Bella-"

I shook my head, feeling tears prick behind my eyes. I wouldn't believe it. Edward couldn't be dead. He just couldn't!

"No, Emmett! You're lying! Edward's not … he's not … he can't be!" I choked, the tears now welling in my eyes and threatening to spill over. "I only just saw him yesterday morning! He made me breakfast, and he drove me to class, he kissed me goodbye … he can't be dead ..."

The slight constriction that had started tugging at my chest when I first realized that Edward had not returned home last night was now crushing me from the inside out. I couldn't breathe; it felt like my lungs were being flattened.

I was vaguely aware that I had fallen to my knees and was gripping onto the railing for support. Emmett was still standing where I had left him, tears now cascading down his cheeks.

"How?" I managed to choke out.

Emmett took a tentative step toward me, a look of pure agony masking all traces of the man I knew. This made my chest constrict even more, if that were possible. I could feel the tears streaming down my face as sobs wracked my body. I was falling to pieces.

"He- the- the charred remains of his Volvo were found on the back road from your house to the university early this morning. He must have lost control of the car and hit a tree. The car … it exploded on impact. There wasn't much – there wasn't much left, Bella."

I distantly heard a horrible cry of agony, and then realized it had come from me.

_Edward …_

His beautiful face, those stunning emerald eyes, his smile … all gone.

"But he drives a Volvo!" I screamed, "A Volvo! One of the safest … It can't have been him, Emmett! It just couldn't! He never would have lost control … he can't be … _Edward _... no, Edward! We're getting married! He made me wear this ridiculous ring …"

I tore at my finger, trying to get the damn thing off. He had insisted on giving me his great-grandmother's engagement ring, one of his most precious family heirlooms, and I was constantly paranoid that I was going to lose it or break it, or damage it somehow … and now that's exactly what I wanted to do. I didn't ever want to see it again.

I kept pulling at it, tears blurring my vision, but I couldn't get it off. I felt two sets of arms wrap around me, and then all the energy in my body just disappeared. I fell into Emmett's arms, sobbing uncontrollably, my constricted chest now being torn apart as my heart was ripped out from within it.

"_Edward _..." I moaned.

Then everything went black.


	2. Chapter 1: Letter

He kissed my lips, I taste your mouth,

He pulled me in, I was disgusted with myself.

Coz when I'm with him I am thinking of you

Thinking of you

What you would do if you were the one who was spending the night

Oh I wish that I was looking into your eyes

_**~ "Thinking of You" Katy Perry**_

_

* * *

_

**Thinking of You**

**Chapter One - Letter**

_My Dearest Bella,_

_It is my greatest wish that you never have to read this letter, however, if you are, it means that something has happened to me. I want you to know that, no matter what life brings us, no matter what event has caused our separation in life, I will always love you with every fiber of my being. _

_From the moment I first laid eyes on you, my life has been more than I could ever have wished it to be. Your smile, the constant sparkle in your eyes, the way you are completely oblivious to the way you light up every room you enter…_

_You are the light in my life, and in the lives of so many others that have been blessed with your presence._

_Please, don't ever let that light fade. Remember me, but remember to live too. I want you to be happy when I'm gone. I want you to find love again. You have so much to give to this world; don't give up. Keep sharing your light, for me, for the memory of what we had together, and for your future. I may not be able to be a part of your future physically, but I will always be in your heart and in your memories._

_I love you. Be safe, my Bella._

_Eternally yours, _

_Edward_

_XoXo_

I re-read the crumpled, tear-stained letter for the goodness-knows-how-many-eth time, silent tears yet again streaming down my face. I lay curled up in myself on my side of the bed, one hand clutching my heart while the other held the letter in front of my face.

It didn't matter how many times I read it a day; after two years, the words in his elegant script still tore at my heart and reduced me to the sobbing mess I had been the very first time I had read it.

Two years. It had been two years to the day since Edward had been ripped from my life, ripped from the time in my life I had considered to be the happiest in all of my twenty-two years.

Edward had made me whole. He had filled a space inside me that I had not even realized was empty. His voice, his scent, his face, his smile, even the mention of his name had made something inside me swell with pure joy and happiness … now all it did was tear at the hole his absence had caused, making it larger with every reminder of him. The memory of him, the memory of our life together, the thought of what our life together could have been, what it _should_ have been …

I couldn't even stand reading his name. I couldn't talk to anyone named Edward, I couldn't read a book that had the name Edward in it, and I couldn't even look at our bank statements. Our joint bank account still had his name on it, something that I hadn't wanted to change because the majority of the money in it had been his. I still did not touch his share of the money in the account; I just used what I earned at work, even though his money was now technically mine. His will had stated that everything in his name was to be bequeathed to me. It had made dealing with my finances a hell of a lot more painful than it used to be.

It wasn't just those memories that haunted me either; everywhere I looked there was something that would remind me of him. There was our house; the supermarket we would shop at every Wednesday evening; the little coffee shop near the university campus that we would have coffee at every morning before we parted to attend our separate classes; the park across the street from our house; the second-hand bookstore; any damn Volvo that drove by.

Seattle was just full of reminders of him. Reminders that would never go away and as much as I wanted to honor his wishes and continue to live life, to keep my light shining, to be _happy_, I found it both physically and mentally impossible to do so here in Seattle. The Cullens had tried to help me move on with them, to accept Edward's death and be happy once more, but I had not come as far as they had. Nowhere near …

The thing was, they still had each other. They each had their respective partners, their soul mates, to help them through the grief. They could go home every day and fall into arms of the one they loved. I went home every day to an empty house full of the echoes of memories past.

That was, until Jake moved in. Now I came home to the echoes of memories past, and the over-enthusiastic reminder of my present. My mind refused to dwell much on my future.

My future with Jake, my best childhood friend and current … well, I don't know what our current relationship was classified as. I wanted to be able to move on with Jake, to find the happiness that Edward wanted me to have and to start to live my life again, but something held me back. There was something in the back of my mind that always held strong and halted Jake's advances before they went too far, and I was sick of it. I just wanted to forget. I wanted to feel.

I wanted to be whole again.

I looked at the clock on my nightstand. The red luminous numbers told me that it was five-fourteen in the morning. I had been up all night yet again, thinking about Edward.

I re-read the letter in my hand once more, my silent tears making my nose run and causing me to sniffle. I tried to be as quiet as possible, so as not to wake Jake as I reached over to the nightstand and grabbed a Kleenex to blow my nose. Throwing the Kleenex in the trashcan beside the bed, I sniffled a few more times and carefully folded up the letter along the well-worn crease lines.

I felt the bed move as Jake shifted beside me, and I quickly stuffed the letter under my pillow, wiping my eyes on my pajama sleeves to remove any trace of the tears.

Jake rolled into me and slipped his arm around my waist, spooning me.

"What's that?" he mumbled thickly, the haze of sleep still hanging over him.

"Nothing," I replied, cursing myself internally for the sniffles I still had. This was not going to be a good morning.

Jake propped himself up on his elbow and leaned over to look at my face, a worried expression now settling over his features.

"You've been crying again. Bells, I -" he paused, a look of comprehension now taking over. "You were reading the letter again, weren't you?"

I didn't reply.

"Bella, how are you going to move on if you keep dwelling on that damn letter?" he asked angrily, sitting up fully in bed beside me. He reached over and pulled the letter out from under my pillow, glaring at it with disgust.

I sat up instantly and reached toward him to take it off him. He held it out of my grasp.

"Jake, give it back," I pleaded, my heart wrenching at the thought of losing that letter.

"No, Bella, I will not give it back to you. This piece of – of _paper_ is not helping you at all! Every time you read it, I lose you! You disappear back into that hollow shell you were two years ago, and it hurts me! It hurts me so much to see you looking like that. I'm sick of it, Bella! I'm trying to make you happy, to help you move on, so we can start our life together, but as soon as this letter appears, I lose everything I've worked towards and I have to start again from scratch!"

"Give me back the letter, Jake," I demanded, feeling anger start to boil up inside.

"I can't do it anymore, Bells. I can't keep losing you like that. You have to get rid of it."

I stared at him in disbelief.

"You want me to get rid of the only thing I have left of Edward? Of his love for me?"

"Yes," he replied. "I won't let you continue to fall into that dark hole!"

"Give me back the damn letter! You have no right to keep it from me, no right whatsoever!" I cried, launching myself at him in an attempt to rescue the letter, but to no avail. He held me back with one arm while holding the letter even further away from me with the other.

"Who the hell do you think you are? It's my letter! Mine! You give it back to me! You give it back to me _right now_!" I screamed, pummeling his chest with my fists, while angry tears began to pour down my cheeks.

Jake struggled to halt my attack on him, finally succeeding in pinning me down to the bed by my forearms, the letter crushed between his right hand and my left arm. I let out a strangled cry.

"Jake, the letter … please don't destroy the letter … it's all I have left of him! Of Edward …" I sobbed.

He stared down at me, breathing heavily, hurt and anger clearly evident in his eyes.

"It's been two years, Bella. He's dead. All I want to do is make you happy again, to make you see that we can be happy together. I love you, Bells. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but I can't if he's always going to be hanging around. You have to let him go. It's what he wanted! It says so right here," he cried, releasing my left arm and shaking the letter at me in his clenched fist. "He didn't want you to be like this after two years. I miss you, Bells. I miss my best friend."

I closed my eyes in defeat, letting the sobs take over my body.

"What do you want me to say, Jake? That Edward is just a distant memory? That I've forgotten everything he was to me?"

"I-"

"I can't, Jake. It still hurts me to even hear his name. I love you, but-"

"You love him more."

"I didn't say that," I defended.

"You didn't have to! Bella, he's gone."

"I can't just forget him, Jacob!"

Jake sighed and released my other arm, moving his hand to sweep the hair away from my face.

"I don't expect you to, Bells. I just want to help fill the gap. I don't want to replace him. All I want is for you to be happy again. I can make you happy, Bella! I can make you happy for the rest of your life! You just have to try with me. I can't do it on my own."

"I don't know how to be happy anymore," I choked, "I can't remember what happiness is."

I felt Jake lean his face over mine, his warm breath tickling the hair at my neck as he whispered, "Then let me show you."

His lips suddenly connected with my own, pressing lightly at first trying to coax them to co-operate. Tired of fighting, I gave in and returned the kiss, parting my lips as he ran the tip of his tongue along them, requesting permission to enter. His lips and his kisses were nothing like Edward's, yet I couldn't help but think of him as Jake kissed me. My mind instantly pictured Edward above me; made me feel his lips against mine, made me taste him in Jake's kiss … I was a bad person. I was a very bad person.

Our kisses quickly turned into a heated, desperate struggle for more. More of what, I couldn't quite work out, but I was so lost in my emotions I had no idea what was going on. We began tearing at each other's pajamas, gripping tightly in a fight to get closer to each other, to forget our pain and our hurt and to try fill the void our argument had torn even wider.

Jake traced rough kisses down my neck as he struggled with the buttons on my shirt, and I pulled at his hair, losing myself in moans of desperation. Somehow all of our clothes ended up strewn around us, save for my underwear, which remained the only barrier between our naked bodies.

Hovering over me, Jake returned his lips to mine, forcing my tongue to battle against his own as his hands slid down my sides and came to rest at my hips, his fingertips playing with the thin elastic of my panties. I felt him hook his fingers underneath and begin to slide them down my thighs, when my brain suddenly became aware of what was happening. A small scream escaped my lips as I wrenched them away from Jake's and my whole body froze. I felt Jake tense above me and his eyes instantly snapped to mine.

"Bella? Bella, what's wrong?" His voice was full of concern.

I shook my head, feeling hot tears begin to slide down my cheeks once more. I hadn't been with anyone since Edward's death, and having my mind play tricks on me, making me think of Edward while Jake was … it was downright cruel.

"I can't do this … I just – I can't …"

"Shh, Bella, it's okay." He lay down beside me and wrapped his arms protectively around me. "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have -"

I tried to roll away from him, but he held me tightly in place.

"Bella, everything's going to be okay. We can get through this together."

"I can't, Jake, I just – I can't do it anymore. I need to get away from here. Everything reminds me of him, and I … _I just can't_ …"

Jake began to stroke my hair, pulling me tight against his chest.

"Shh … we'll go away somewhere then. Somewhere far away where you can heal, and we can just be. We could go to Texas, or to New York! Or we can go spend some time up in Canada-"

I attempted to escape his grasp again, and this time succeeded. I managed to roll out of his arms and off the bed, stumbling backwards until I found my footing, all the while shaking my head at his suggestions.

"Jake, I … I'm sorry, Jake. I can't do this with you right now. I need some time alone." I staggered around the room, collecting my pajamas and putting them back on before walking to the cupboard and pulling out a suitcase. Jake watched from the bed, speechless, as I began to haphazardly throw piles of clothes into it.

After a moment, he seemed to come back to his senses as he jumped off the bed and ran over to slam the lid of the suitcase closed. He looked up at me, eyes blazing.

"Bella, you don't know what you're doing, you're not thinking straight. Just come back to bed and get some sleep. We can discuss this later on," he pleaded. I shook my head.

"No, I've got to leave. I can't stay in Seattle any longer."

"At least get some sleep first. Please, Bella? "

"No, I -"

I spotted Edward's letter lying crumpled by the window. I made a move to pick it up, but Jake beat me to it.

"If you don't give me the letter, I will never speak to you again," I said through a clenched jaw.

Jake scrambled to his feet and held the hand clasping the letter out the window.

"Go back to bed and sleep for a few hours, and we'll talk over lunch. Then I'll give it back," he bartered.

"No deal, Jake. Give it to me," I demanded, holding out my hand.

He shook his head, holding his hand further out the window.

"You're not thinking straight, Bella. If I let you leave now, you'll end up getting hurt somehow, and I couldn't live with myself if you did!"

"Just give me the freaking letter, dammit!" I cried, and threw myself at him, wrestling with him to try and save the letter from his grasp.

He stumbled back against the window, half hanging out as I leaned over him, grabbing at his extended arm and fighting to open his clenched fist.

Then everything suddenly began to move in slow motion. I watched as Jake's fingers released the letter, the priceless, worn piece of paper catching in the early morning breeze and fluttering from his fingertips out into the open air, then slowly, like a leaf falling from a tree, it twisted and flipped down to the street below, rising and falling gracefully as small gusts of wind ensnared and released it.

A strangled, banshee-like scream echoed into the early morning air (it wasn't until hours later that I realized that sound had come from me), and I tore myself away from the window and through the house until I got outside to the street, my eyes scanning every which way for the familiar piece of paper. I couldn't see it anywhere. I ran up and down the street, scrambling behind trashcans and letterboxes and cars, making way too much noise for six o'clock in the morning and disturbing the neighbors, but with no luck.

I had lost the letter. Edward's final words of love and affection. Gone.

_Jacob_ had lost the letter. I was going to kill him.

During my frantic hunt, Jake had made his way down onto the street too. He stood out front of the house in just a pair of boxer shorts, looking like a dog that had lost his bone. He reached out to me as I walked towards the house, but I ignored him and walked straight up to the front door. I headed straight back up to the bedroom, picking the suitcase up off the floor and tipping the contents onto the bed, before throwing it back on the floor and proceeding to empty all of Jake's belongings from the cupboard into it.

I heard Jake come stumbling back into the room, breathing heavily from running up the stairs. Having him this close to me only fuelled my anger.

"Bells, I'm sorry, I didn't mean- what are you doing?" he breathed. "Why are you-?"

"Get the hell out of my house, Jacob. Now!" I screamed, slamming the lid of the suitcase closed and shoving it at him. "Take your things and just _**go**_!"

"But Bella-"

"GET OUT!"

Of course, he chose that moment to freeze up like a freaking statue in the middle of my bedroom. Out of all the times I'd wished for it …

I picked up the suitcase and dragged it out of the room, the clunk clunk clunk of it hitting the steps on the way down to the front door felt oddly satisfying, but did little to ease the fire raging inside me.

I got to the front door and tossed the suitcase as hard as I could out onto the street. As it hit the pavement, the latch sprung open and the contents flew out everywhere. Serves him right, after what he did to me.

I spun around as Jake came stumbling down the stairs, mouth agape and staring at me in disbelief.

"Bells, please, don't do this," he pleaded, reaching towards me. "We can-"

"GET THE HELL OUT! NOW!" I screamed, dodging his advances while still forcing him out the door. I knew quite a few of the neighbors had come out by now to see what all the commotion was, but I didn't care. As soon as Jake was on the doorstep, he turned to me in a final attempt to appease me.

"Why won't you let me help you?" he asked in anguish.

"Because you're not him," I said quietly, my face expressionless. Then I slammed the door in his face.

Turning my back to the door, I fell against it, slid to the floor, and let the tears and grief take over me.

***

The sound of the telephone ringing roused me from my fitful slumber. As I pushed myself up off the floor, I looked around me and realized I had fallen asleep against the front door.

Then it all came rushing back. The argument with Jacob, the letter, throwing Jacob out …

Oh my god. _The letter!_

I felt my heart wrench at the thought of it.

The telephone continued to ring, temporarily distracting me from the horrible direction my thoughts were turning. I staggered into the kitchen and towards the bench where the cordless phone was docked. Picking it up, I answered groggily, "Hello?"

"Bella! What are you doing? We're all waiting for you so we can start lunch! It's almost two o'clock." Alice's chipper voice echoed through the receiver.

I looked up at the kitchen clock to find that it was indeed one fifty-three in the afternoon. I had been asleep by the door for over six hours.

"I, um … Alice, I'm sorry. I-"

"Bella, is everything okay? You don't sound very well," Alice commented, a hint of concern in her voice.

Taking a deep breath and willing myself not to start crying, I replied, "No, I'm fine, Alice. I'm just running a little behind. I'll be there in twenty minutes. You all go ahead and start without me; I'm not feeling very hungry anyway."

There was a pause. I could picture the stern look on Alice's face through the phone.

"Are you sure? We can wait for you. Emmett won't die of starvation if he has to wait another twenty minutes."

Tears threatened to fall as I listened to Alice's concern, and I could feel the lump in my throat swelling as I tried to suppress them.

"I'm sure. You can't keep Emmett waiting, not when there's food around."

Alice sighed. "All right. But don't be too long, okay?"

"I won't," I replied, my voice cracking slightly. "Bye, Alice."

"Bye, Bella. See you soon."

I heard the click on the other end of the line to tell me that Alice had hung up. Pressing the 'end' button on the handset, I sat it back down on its charging dock and let my head and shoulders slump down on the bench beside it.

A few lone tears escaped, sliding slowly over my cheeks as I thought about the lunch gathering that awaited me. Last year, the Cullens had decided that we would all spend the anniversary of Edward's death having a family lunch at Carlisle and Esme's house, followed by story-swapping and reminiscing over Edward's life. Feeling that it had helped heal them that little bit more, it was agreed that we would make it an annual thing. So now, every year on the anniversary of his death, we would all get together over lunch and celebrate Edward's life, not dwell on his death.

After the morning I'd had, celebrating my dead fiancé's life with his family was the last thing I wanted to do. However, I knew they would all be devastated if I didn't make an appearance, especially Esme.

So it was with a heavy heart that I forced myself upstairs and into the bathroom to get myself ready to put on a happy front.

Twenty minutes later I found myself walking up the same set of steps I had on this day two years previously, only this time I knew in advance exactly where Edward was. The thought of that made what I was about to do seem that bit more impossible.

I had just raised my fist to knock on the door when it swung open before me, Alice and Emmett both wearing identical grins as they rushed out to pull me into a bone-crushing hug.

"We almost thought you'd run out on us, Bella!" Emmett boomed, ruffling my hair. "I swear, if you'd taken any longer, I would've come around to your place and raided your cupboards before forcing you to make me lunch. I'm starving!"

I looked to Alice questioningly. "I told you to start without me!"

Alice held her hands up before herself in defense. "I did tell them that, but Mom insisted we wait for you. She wasn't going to let us start without you here."

"You really didn't have to-"

"Nonsense," Esme said, walking up to stand behind Alice and Emmett. "You know we don't start family lunches until everyone is present! Now come inside, everyone's waiting."

Alice and Emmett ran inside as Esme pulled me into her motherly embrace.

"I'm glad you made it, Bella. I know how hard today is for you. I'm always here if you need to talk about it. You don't have to do it alone," she whispered, pulling back slightly to look me in the eyes. She tucked a stray strand of my hair behind my ear and gave me a quick peck on the cheek, smiling warmly at me.

"Thank you, Esme," I choked, feeling the tears well up again.

She led me inside to the dining room, where the rest of the family was waiting. Carlisle rose from his seat at the head of the table to greet me, pulling me into a hug and smiling his familiar dazzling smile at me. Jasper also greeted my in the way of a hug, while Rosalie smiled at me from her seat at the table, her hands resting on her swollen, seven months pregnant stomach.

Once Esme and Alice had brought all the food to the table and everyone was seated, Carlisle popped the cork on a bottle of champagne and passed it around the table for us all to pour ourselves a glass, Rosalie, of course, forgoing the champagne for water.

Around the table, everyone sat in pairs; Carlisle sat at the head of the table with Esme to his right. To his left sat Alice, Jasper and Rosalie, with Emmet at the foot of the table. I sat on Esme's right, with an empty place setting between Emmett and myself.

An empty place setting towards which Carlisle held his glass of champagne and began to speak.

"Two years may have passed without your presence, my son, but your spirit lives on within each and every one of us, gracing our lives with twenty-one years worth of memories every day. We love you and miss you dearly, and pray that, wherever you are, you're at peace."

Carlisle raised his glass and said, "To Edward."

Everyone else followed suit, mumbling, "To Edward," before taking a drink from their glasses.

I couldn't handle it. Sitting next to an empty setting meant for Edward was exactly the kind of thing I never wanted to have to deal with, especially on a day like today.

I quickly excused myself and ran from the room before my sobs became too pronounced.

Without taking any notice of where I was running, I found myself standing in the middle of Edward's old bedroom. I threw myself onto the bed and clutched the pillow to my chest, letting the tears run freely down my face.

A small set of arms wrapped around me and a hand began to stroke my hair soothingly. I turned into the familiar touch of Alice and felt all of the grief, anger and frustration of the day's events begin to pour out.

"Alice, I – I can't do this anymore! I c-can't do this w-without Edward! How am I supposed to l-live w-without him?" I sobbed. "He's my other h-half, h-he completes m-me … and n-now I – I don't even h-have the letter, and J-Jake is gone … it was h-horrible, I was s-so a-angry and the letter … oh Alice, the l-letter …"

Alice pulled me closer and began to rock me back and forth, trying to comfort me in my distress. I was sub-consciously aware that everyone was watching from the doorway, but I was too much of a mess to acknowledge any of them.

"Oh, Bella," Alice sighed, small tears of her own making tracks down her cheeks. "Bella, you're not alone in this! It's tough, I know it's tough, but I'm here for you! We all are. You can do this. We can help you get through it."

I shook my head wildly, loud sobs and moans of anguish echoing around the room.

"I can't s-stay in Seattle anymore! I have to g-get a-away … everything – everything reminds me of h-him. Alice, I can't stay!"

No one said anything; I just let Alice comfort me until my sobs died down and my tears ran dry.

* * *

A/N:

There we are, folks: Chapter One! Just a warning...this story is going to be a bit slow at first, due to some necessary pre-action storyline establishment. But I promise the good action won't be too far away! I know most of you don't like reading "Edward's dead" fics (I don't myself), but just bear with me...all will be revealed soon enough! I promise.

Also, I'm a few chapters ahead with my writing, so I should have regular weekly updates for you all before Christmas. Hooray!

Reviews are like chocolate to my highly addictive personality... =D


	3. Chapter 2: Decisions

_Many thanks to Hannah81 for being her awesome beta self. =D_

_HUGE thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed so far! You guys rock my fluffy bed socks! Special treat for you at the end… *grins*_

_Disclaimer: SM owns it. I just enjoy making her characters cry...  
_

* * *

**  
Thinking of You**

**Chapter Two – Decisions**

After my crying had ceased, I had spent an hour with Alice and Esme retelling the story of the morning's events, from my argument with Jacob, to me throwing Jacob out onto the street after losing Edward's letter. Neither woman said a word until I had finished.

"He was only trying to help you, Bella," Alice said quietly. Upon seeing the anger flare through my eyes, she quickly added, "I know what he did was wrong. He could have handled that situation a _little_ differently-"

I scoffed, rolling my eyes.

"Okay, so holding the letter out the window wasn't the smartest move he made. In fact, that was rude and disrespectful. But _you_ could have gone about things a little different yourself."

"I did nothing wrong, Alice!" I cried, running my hands through my hair in frustration. "Jacob knew what today was. He knew how hard it was going to be on me, and the one thing that I own that doesn't make me hate Edward so much for leaving me here alone, Jacob threw away! I'm never going to see that letter again!"

I felt the tears begin to build up in my eyes again.

"It's lost, Alice. Gone. Just like he is …"

Esme sat down beside me on the bed and slipped her arms around me, pulling me into her warm embrace.

"Shh, Bella, dear. I know you're hurting, but you've got to try and calm down," she soothed, rubbing calming circles on my back with her hands.

I sniffled and mumbled into her shoulder, "I hate him, Esme. I hate him for leaving me, for making me feel like this."

"I know, dear. It's been hard on all of us. But you've got to start letting us in! We all love and care about you, Bella, but you've been blocking us all out. Jacob especially. All he's wanted to do is help you and you've made it extremely difficult for him. I know that this morning he was a little harsh in the way he went about trying to get through to you, but I'm sure he didn't mean it. He's frustrated, Bella. He knows you're a long way off from being the person you used to be, and he's willing to stick it out, to help get you back. All he wants is to see you smile again."

I pulled back from Esme slightly and wiped my eyes on my sleeves.

"It's hard when I don't really have anything to smile about," I said quietly.

Esme sighed and swept my hair out of my face and behind my ear.

"Give it time, Bella. Let us help. These things are easier to overcome when you've got a support system behind you. The pain doesn't go away, but it does become easier to live with, and slowly you'll begin to find things that make you smile again, that give you a reason to want to be the person you used to be." She placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. "Edward will always in be in your heart. Just don't let the memory of him blind you from your future."

She gave my shoulders a squeeze before rising from the bed.

"Now, I'm going to go check on how the others are doing with lunch. Would you like me to bring some food up for you?" she asked.

I shook my head. "No, I think I'll just head home soon. Thanks, Esme."

She gave me a sympathetic smile. "Talk to Jacob. I'm sure your answering machine is full of messages from him. Don't leave him in the dark for too long, it's not fair on either of you."

She turned and walked out, leaving Alice and I alone in silence.

I raised my hand to my face to wipe a stray tear from my eye, my sniffles breaking the silence every few seconds. I felt Alice lean toward the nightstand before she handed me a Kleenex.

"Thanks," I mumbled, blowing my nose. A few more minutes of silence followed.

"Alice," I said, breaking the quiet. "I – I haven't meant to shut you all out. These last two years -"

"We know," she replied softly.

"It's just …" I sighed, struggling to find the words I wanted to say. "It's been so hard. My mind has been such a mess. I haven't really known what's been going on around me. If you asked me to tell you about something I've done or somewhere I've been, I'd draw a blank. My memory is so fuzzy and skewed … Poor Jacob. I can only imagine what it's been like for him to live with me." I ran my fingers through my hair again. "It's not that I haven't wanted to move on from Edward. I've wanted to more than anything! I just haven't been able to. Part of me doesn't want to, and I think it's because I'm scared of losing him. I don't want the memories to disappear! Every day I can feel them fading more and more, and the other day I almost had a panic attack when I had trouble remembering a date that Edward once took me on. I began to hyperventilate and almost passed out in the kitchen!"

I turned to look at Alice, who was watching me intently with sympathy in her eyes.

"It really scared me, Alice, because all of the visions I used to have of my future with Edward were more vivid in my mind than actual events involving him were. Try and tell me that's not messed up."

"It's just human nature, Bella," she explained. "Our hopes and dreams are always more vivid than actual events. We spend so much time focusing on our dreams that they become ingrained into our minds. So many hours are spent on planning the perfect wedding, designing your dream house, imagining what your kids will look like … all those hours picturing those things make them seem almost real. It's things like dates and spontaneous events that you don't have a part in the planning of that don't stick so clearly in your mind, because they're things you experience as they happen. To be honest, our whole lives are like that. Even the things we do plan turn out different most of the time. It's just the way life is, and the best we can do is to make sure that we enjoy every moment of it."

She turned in to face me and pulled her legs up to cross them underneath herself on the bed.

"Now, please don't get upset with me for saying this, but I feel that you're so afraid of losing your memories of Edward that … that you're losing yourself."

I could hear that Alice was starting to choke on her words a little, and I looked up at her face to see that a few tears had escaped from her eyes and were now making small tracks down her cheeks.

"I don't know who you are anymore, Bella. You're my best friend, but I feel like I've lost you somewhere along the way. I think the day I lost my brother was the day I began losing you too, and it hurts! I don't want to lose my best friend! I can't handle another loss like that." She began to cry in earnest now.

It was making the hole in my heart tear even wider. I had hurt so many people while trying to heal my own pain, and I had been too blinded by my grief to see it. Alice, Jacob and the rest of the Cullens; they'd all got to a point with their grief that made it easier to live with, because they had _let each other in_. I could see it now – I'd just locked myself away.

I wrapped my arms around Alice's small frame and hugged her tight.

"I'm so sorry, Alice!" I cried, feeling my tears begin to flow yet again. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I promise I'll try harder to – to be your best friend again."

Looking up at me, she asked in a quiet voice, "Will you come to grief counseling with me?"

I pulled back from her, startled.

"You … you still go to grief counseling?"

She nodded. "Only once a month now, but Bella, it's helped me so much. Doctor Sheaver is wonderful and I think she could really help you. I'll come with you every week-"

"Alice, I don't need to see a shrink," I said abruptly, cutting her off.

A look of worry settled on Alice's face.

"All of us have been seeing Doctor Sheaver for the last two years. Even Emmett! There's no shame in admitting you need help."

"I don't need to see a shrink!" I cried.

Alice reached forward to touch my arm, but I pulled back, stumbling off the bed in my effort to escape.

"Bella!"

"No, Alice! I- I'm not going to see Doctor Sheaver. Or any therapist, for that matter. I can do this on my own."

"You need help, Bella! I know you're an independent woman and I know you're used to fending for yourself, but you don't have to do this alone! At least come and talk to us about it. Talk to me about it! Please, Bella?" Alice pleaded, rising from the bed. "Please let me in."

I sighed and closed my eyes, bringing my hands up to rub my face in frustration.

"Okay," I breathed as I re-opened my eyes. "Just please don't try and pressure me into anything. If I decide I need to see a therapist, I will talk to you about it."

Alice squealed and threw herself at me, hugging me so tight I struggled to breathe.

"Thank you, Bella! Thank you!"

She released me and stood there beaming at me. I winced at the look on her little pixie-like face in that moment, as it reminded me so much of Edward's expression when I agreed to marry him. I turned my face away at the pain that shot through my chest.

"Bella, what's wrong?"

"It's … it's going to take some time, okay, Alice. Please don't expect me to be able to open up immediately and just start fixing myself. Spending time with all of you, here especially, makes it so hard to try and move on, because I can just see him everywhere. I can feel him everywhere; his presence overwhelms me both here and at home. I need time and I need your understanding, okay?" I explained, turning my gaze back to her.

Nodding, Alice reached out and gave my hand a small squeeze.

"Whatever you need, Bella. Time, space, Ben and Jerry's Phish Food ice cream …" she grinned.

I felt a small chuckle escape my lips. "Especially Ben and Jerry's Phish Food ice cream."

Alice and I stood there smiling at each other for a quiet moment, before we both leaned into each other for a comforting hug.

"I love you, Alice," I whispered.

"I love you too, Bella," she replied.

It was then that I knew what I had to do.

***

"_Bells, I'm sorry. I know what I did was wrong, and I can't tell you how sorry I am for hurting you. Please call me back? I need to talk to you."_

BEEP

"_I'll do whatever you need me to do to make it up to you. Please don't shut me out. I need you in my life, even if we're just friends. I love you, Bella."_

BEEP

"_Bella, I swear I won't do anything like that ever again. Please just pick up the phone and call me back. You can yell at me, tell me to back off, tell me how much you hate me … please just let me know that you're okay?"_

BEEP

"_Bella, I-" Jacob sighed. "I miss you."_

BEEP

I looked at my answering machine and sighed. "I miss you too, Jake," I mumbled to myself.

After saying my goodbyes to the Cullens, I had made my way home. Upon entering the house, I had dumped my keys and handbag on the hall stand and walked straight through the house, ignoring the flashing red light on the answering machine, and out to the back yard to sit in the swinging bench underneath my favorite maple tree. Esme had insisted that I take some of the lunch left-overs with me seeing as I hadn't eaten anything while I was there, so I had pulled out the container and picked at the food while mulling over the thoughts that were racing through my mind.

The swinging bench under the maple had been mine and Edward's favorite place to retreat to and just relax with each other. We would often come out with a bottle of wine and watch the sunset – not speaking – and just enjoy the peace and company we found in each other. It was still my favorite place to sit, because I knew it was the one place that Edward would always be. Whenever I sat on my side of the swing, I could feel his calming presence beside me. Sometimes I would close my eyes and imagine that he was sitting beside me, and I swear that I could feel his warm breath blow softly across the back of my neck, or feel his fingertips running down my arm …

After an hour or so, I had come to a final decision on what I needed to do. Turning to look at the empty spot beside me on the bench, I whispered, "I miss you, Edward, and I love you. But I need to do this for myself."

I then rose from the bench and walked back towards the house.

After depositing Esme's Tupperware container in the kitchen sink, I had made my way into the living room and faced the first issue on my list.

Jacob.

I pressed play on the answering machine and listened to the messages Jacob had left me throughout the day. He had only left six messages, the first two just a few seconds of silence before he had hung up, however I knew that he had tried calling many more times. Picking up the handset, I dialled Jake's cell and waited for him to answer. After only two rings, he picked up.

"Bella?"

"Hey, Jake."

"Oh, Bells, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to lose the letter. It just slipped out of my fingers and we were half hanging out the window so I couldn't grab it and-"

"Jake, it's okay. I don't blame you," I said quietly.

"You don't?" I could picture his confused expression from the tone of his voice.

I sighed, "Well, I do, but not entirely. We're both at fault here. Listen, I don't want to do this over the phone. Can you come over?"

Jake replied instantly. "Yeah, sure! I'll be right over. Give me ten minutes."

"Okay," I replied, nodding to myself. "See you soon."

"And Bells?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I know you do, Jake."

The click on his end of the line told me that he had hung up. I stared into my handset for a moment, knowing that what I was about to tell Jacob was going to hurt him more than I already had. That thought made me feel sick to my stomach.

Exactly ten minutes later, Jake knocked on my front door. Taking a deep breath to compose myself, I opened the door and let him in.

He rushed straight forward and enveloped me in one of his warm bear-like hugs.

"Bella, I'm so glad you're okay. I was so worried when you didn't answer your phone …"

I wrapped my arms around his middle and allowed myself to relax into his embrace.

"I'm sorry, Jake. I had a family lunch with the Cullens."

"Thank you for calling me back. I didn't want you to be mad at me."

Extracting myself from his arms, I closed the door behind him, took his hand and led him into the living room. I offered him a drink, which he refused, and we both took seats opposite each other.

"I'm not mad at you, Jake," I started, answering his concern. "I'm mad at our situation. And I'm mad at myself. I've not been a very good friend to anyone lately."

"That's not your fault, Bells."

"Yes, it is. Except I didn't realize it until today. I had a talk with Alice and Esme, and they made me see some things that I hadn't allowed myself to see. The way I've been treating people, you especially, was a major one."

I sighed and bit down on my bottom lip, drawing it into my mouth slightly as I thought about how to phrase what I needed to tell him.

"Jake, there's something I need to tell you, and you're not going to like it, but first, I want to apologize. For how I treated you this morning, and for the last two years. You've done nothing but stand by me and be there for me, and for that I am forever grateful. You're my rock, Jake. I don't think I could have survived these last two years without you."

"Bells, you don't need to apologize," Jacob offered.

"Yes, I do, because I've been horrible, and what I'm about to do-"

"Hey, before you get too carried away, there's something I want to give you," he said, interrupting me. He had a huge smile plastered across his face, excitement dancing in his eyes. He stood up and walked over to bend down in front of me, pulling something out of his coat pocket.

A gasp of surprise left my mouth as my eyes fell upon the object before me.

"How did you …?"

"I spent hours searching the street this morning after you kicked me out. I felt so horrible and guilty about it, I wasn't going to stop until I found it. After about three hours I found it tucked between some wooden slats in your neighbor's fence. It's a little dirty, but …"

I felt tears began to sting my eyes as I took Edward's letter from Jacob's hands. He had taken the liberty of enclosing it in a hard plastic case, to protect it from any future man-handling.

"Jake, I don't know what to say," I choked, looking up at him with watery eyes.

He smiled at me and chuckled. "A 'thank you' or an 'I forgive you' would be nice."

I threw my arms around his neck and sobbed into his shoulder.

"Oh, Jake, of course I forgive you! Thank you so much. I thought I'd lost it forever …"

Jacob stroked my hair soothingly with one hand, while wrapping his other around my waist and pulling me close.

We stayed like that for a few minutes, until my sobs until died down. As we broke apart, Jake tucked my hair behind me ear and sat down on the edge of the coffee table in front of me.

"So what else was there that you needed to tell me?" he asked curiously.

I took a deep breath and grabbed his hands with my own, locking my gaze onto his.

"Jake, I've made a decision on where I want to go from here. It wasn't easy, and I've put a lot of thought into it, but I don't think you're going to like it. It's something I have to do, though. I think I'm going to go insane otherwise."

He looked a little confused. "Well? What is it?"

I squeezed his hands a little.

"I'm going to Australia."

Jacob froze. I squeezed his hands again, searching his eyes for a hint of whatever was running through his mind. Nothing. His face was expressionless.

"Jake? Jake, please say something," I pleaded.

His mouth opened, as if he was about to speak, but no words came out.

"Jake?"

"For how long?" he croaked.

"I'm not sure," I replied. "A few months at first. Maybe longer."

Jacob pursed his lips, his gaze still focused on mine but not really seeing me. His eyes had clouded over.

"Jake, please don't be upset with me. I'm not leaving you; I just need to get away. I can't stay in Seattle right now if I want to move on with my life. There's too much here that reminds me of him, and I can't escape that if I stay."

"But why Australia?" he asked, hurt lacing his voice. His eyes suddenly came back into focus and I could see the pain reflected within them. "Why not somewhere else in the States? Why not Canada? I could come with you. You don't need to go so far away."

I gripped his hands tighter and leaned in closer to him.

"Yes, I do. I need to get as far away as I can right now, to make a fresh start. I'll still keep in touch with you, and with the Cullens, but I need to do this. I need to be somewhere completely new, somewhere where the sun shines all the time, and the supermarkets have different names, and where people speak with different accents … somewhere that won't remind me of him every where I turn."

He looked crushed, exactly as I knew he would be.

"It's not that I don't want to be with you, Jake, because I do. You're my best friend and I love you like a brother. I just can't be with you like you want me to right now. Give me a few months in Australia to sort out what I want from life, and then I'll come back home and we can work out where to go from there. Okay?"

Nodding, Jacob closed his eyes and I saw small tear escape from the corner of one. I brought my hand up to his face to wipe it away and cupped his cheek with my palm.

"I love you, Jacob. Don't ever doubt that. Please don't waste your life waiting for me, though. If, while I'm away, you meet someone, please don't feel like you have to be faithful to me. I want you to be happy, Jake. You deserve more happiness than I can ever give you."

"You do make me happy," he sniffed, looking at me through his long lashes. "I'm never happier than I am when I'm with you."

It broke my heart to see him look so lost and broken.

"Please promise me you won't feel guilty about being with another woman. I don't want you to sabotage any chance of happiness that might come your way," I pleaded.

He shook his head. "I can't promise you that, Bella. There's no one else I'd rather be with than you."

He began to lean closer to me, his breath warm on my lips as his hovered above them for a moment, before he closed the gap and pressed his mouth to mine in a tender kiss. I felt him trace his tongue along the gap in my lips, requesting entrance, and in a moment of weakness I gave in and allowed it, wrapping my arms around his neck as I relaxed into him.

Kissing Jacob was nothing like kissing Edward was. No kiss could ever live up to Edward's. I knew it was wrong, and I tried to stop it, but again I couldn't help thinking of Edward as I kissed Jacob. It was exactly like that moment early that morning. No matter how hard I tried, my thoughts kept coming back to the one man they shouldn't. When Jacob touched me, I felt Edward's hands. When he kissed me, I tasted Edward's lips. When he whispered that he loved me, I heard Edward's voice.

This was why I had to leave.

The kiss began to slow before our lips parted, and Jacob rested his forehead against mine, eyes closed, while he caught his breath. His fingers toyed with the curls of hair that hung down my back, winding and unwinding them around his fingers.

"I haven't told the Cullens yet," I murmured. "I'm going to go around tomorrow and tell them all in person."

Jacob nodded in silence, his eyes still closed. He pressed his lips to mine again quickly.

"When are you leaving?" he asked softly.

"I've got to look at flights yet, but I want to be gone by the weekend."

"That's only three days away," he sighed. I nodded.

"I wish you didn't have to leave," he mumbled. "I don't want you to leave."

"I'll be back before you know it," I said brightly, in the hopes of comforting him. "I'll send you emails full of stories and photos of my travels around Australia. No doubt my clumsiness will make itself known quite constantly, so I'm sure the majority of my emails will have you in fits of laughter. Especially when you read about how I tripped and fell into a lake full of crocodiles, or got mauled by a koala …"

Jacob couldn't help the laugh that escaped his lips. "Just don't get eaten by any of those crocodiles, okay? I want you home in once piece."

"As if a crocodile is any match for these!" I cried, whipping my arms up in front of myself in a ninja-style defense pose.

"Yeah, because those scrawny chicken arms are definitely going to be able to knock out a ten foot crocodile," Jake snorted.

I glared at him and punched his upper arm. "I could kick your ass."

"You wish, princess," he retorted, pulling me into his lap with one sweep of his arms.

I laughed and snuggled into his chest, inhaling the woody scent that was purely Jacob. I was really going to miss him.

"Stay here with me until I leave?" I asked him quietly.

His arms tightened slightly around me and I felt him bury his face into my hair.

"Of course," he replied.

* * *

_So Bella's made a decision, she and Jake have made up, and now all she has to do is inform the Cullens of her plans. How will they react?_

_Reviewers get a special teaser of Chapter Three - Rocky Toffee Choco-Mocha. =D_

_Follow me on Twitter under **IvyandLime**  
I'll be posting teasers.... *grins*_


	4. Chapter 3: Rocky Toffee Choco Mocha

_Thanks to those of you who did review Chapter 2. Hope you all enjoyed your teaser for this chapter!  
This is the second last chapter before I disappear on holiday over Christmas, New Years and my Birthday. Chapter 4 is about half-written, so I'm going to bust my ass over the next week to get it ready on time for you before I leave. =) I'm sure to have the next few chapters all ready to go by the time I get back, though, as I'm going to be spending my 3 weeks away doing nothing but sleeping in, sitting by the pool, and visiting the Gold Coast theme parks with my mates. I will also be severely lacking in internet access, so I'll be writing to satisfy my twi-fic cravings. Hooray!_

_Disclaimer: SM owns 'em. I make 'em all eat really un-healthy, emotion-satisfying, chocolate cake.  
_

* * *

**Thinking of You  
**

**Chapter Three – Rocky Toffee Choco-Mocha**

Sitting in my boss Aleisha's office, I couldn't help but feel excited, even though my nerves had me shaking with anxiety. The previous night, Jacob had helped me book all of my flights and accommodation for my trip to Australia, and the confirmation emails I had received had made my chest feel a million times lighter. I don't know if it was the fact that I was going halfway across the world on holiday, escaping from my current negative reality, or both that had me feeling more free than I had felt in years, but whatever it was, I was thankful for it. Not since the day Edward proposed to me had something felt so right.

All I had to do now was inform Aleisha and the Cullens of my plans. Enter the extreme case of anxiety.

Aleisha strode into her office, pulling me from my musings, and sat down behind her desk. Folding her arms on the polished wood before her, she leaned towards me with a smile, her bright blue eyes shining.

"Isabella, my darling, to what do I owe the pleasure of your company this morning?" Aleisha asked.

At her words, my nerves hit me in full force, the butterflies in my stomach suddenly catapulting themselves around inside me. I felt as though I was going to be sick.

Mustering up as genuine a smile as I could, I replied, "I, er … I h-have something to discuss with you. About m-my … my employment here."

A small crease formed in Aleisha's brow but her smile held firm. After tucking a stray tendril of her golden hair behind her ear, she brought her right hand to rest under her chin. Her gaze was penetrating yet kind. It was unnerving and calming at the same time.

"What would you like to discuss?" she asked. "Is something the matter?"

I hesitated, fighting to find the right words to explain my decision.

"Aleisha, I … Yesterday was … I mean-"

I shook my head in frustration, eyes closed. Nothing seemed to sound right in my head, so I decided to just jump in head first and say the first thing that came to mind. I just hoped she would understand.

"Aleisha, I'm going to Australia. I leave on Saturday."

No reply. Aleisha just sat there staring at me, her gaze unwavering. The only change in her expression was the disappearance of her smile.

Unable to hold eye contact any longer, I dropped my head to my lap, watching my fingers fiddle nervously with the hem of my skirt.

"I know that it's short notice, and I know that you've done more for me over the past few years than I ever deserved, and I appreciate it, more than I'll ever be able to tell you. But I need to do this for me. I've been living under a dark cloud these past two years, and I just can't do it anymore. I need to get away, reassess my life a little. Yesterday-"

"-was the anniversary of Edward's death. I know."

I expected to find a stern expression of disappointment, or pity, or something similar on Aleisha's face when I looked back up. What I didn't expect was the brilliant smile that greeted me.

"Oh, Bella, I'm so proud of you!" she cried. "You have no idea how close I was to doing something about it myself. You have been a shell of yourself ever since the accident and it's torn me to pieces. I hate seeing you so lifeless, so devoid of purpose … I'm so glad you're finally doing something about it."

A sigh of relief escaped my lips, making way for a large grin of my own to make an appearance.

"I was so worried you'd be upset with me," I said. "I know I haven't left you much time to find a replacement for me, let alone train one, but I'm willing to do all that I can between now and Saturday to help you. I'll even work unpaid overtime to get it sorted."

Aleisha flicked her hand at me in a dismissive gesture.

"Replacement? Don't be silly, girl. There will be no replacement needed for your position. I'll hold it for you until you return."

"But- I don't know how long I'm going to be gone. I could be gone for 6 months, or I could be gone a year. I honestly don't know how much time it will take me to figure out whatever it is I'm supposed to be figuring out," I explained.

Rising from behind her desk and walking around it to seat herself on the chair next to mine, Aleisha grasped my hands with her own and looked deep into my eyes.

"Bella, you are one of the best editors I have ever worked with. I saw talent in you from the moment you first set foot in this office four years ago. I know the past two years have been tough on you, but you never let me down. Sure, your work was not always up to the standards I expected from you, but I understood it was your situation letting you down, and I made allowances for that."

She squeezed my hands firmly.

"You're special, Bella. You're beautiful, passionate, selfless, and totally undeserving of the pain and suffering you've had to endure these past few years. You're so young, yet so wise for your years. This job is yours, and always will be yours. I don't care how long it takes you to find what you're looking for, just as long as you do it and bring back the Bella I know is still in there. I just want to see you happy again."

I felt the tears begin to well in my eyes, and leaned forward to hug Aleisha.

"Thank you so much. You have no idea how much this means to me."

"You're welcome, dearest. And don't you even think about showing your face in here over the next two days. The only time I want to see you in here is when you come to say goodbye. Don't worry about work. Go have some fun! And make sure you bring me back some TimTams," she grinned.

I pulled back from her embrace and shot her a confused look.

"TimTams?"

She laughed. "They're a kind of chocolate cookie in Australia. I stupidly got myself addicted to them when I went on vacation there a few years ago. I'll be expecting regular care packages full of them!"

I laughed and hugged her again. "You can count on it."

***

"I leave on Saturday."

At my declaration, the Cullen's mouths dropped open in one synchronized movement, as though they had rehearsed it numerous times. Once my words had sunk in, their faces all changed. Esme's eyes were glassy with tears, the pain contained inside them piercing my heart. Alice stood there staring blankly at me, her mouth opening and closing soundlessly like a goldfish. Jasper had a look of concern on his face, while Emmett sported one of his huge trademark grins. Rosalie was staring at the ceiling with an undefinable look settled on her features, though I could see some tears glistening in the corners of her eyes. Carlisle's expression was no different to normal – he had his cool, calm, and collected façade on, though he was missing the usual spark from his eyes. He was the first to speak.

"Are you certain this is what you want to do, Bella?" he asked.

I nodded in response, not trusting myself to speak after making the mistake of looking at Esme again. The pain in her eyes had intensified.

"But – but – but you can't go!" Alice cried, throwing her hands up in frustration. "Who am I supposed to vent with over coffee or a night out, when you're on the other side of the world? I've only got one best friend!"

"You've got Rosalie, Alice. And I'll just be a call or email away."

"It's not the same. And no offense, but Rose is not exactly in any condition to be going out dancing and drinking her stress away."

I laughed, which was obviously the wrong thing to do. Alice looked furious, tears of hurt and anger spilling over her cheeks.

I sighed and walked over to pull her into my arms for a hug, the top of her head barely touching my chin.

"Alice, I'm sorry. But I won't be gone forever! Just a few months, that's all. I'll have my laptop with me, so we can Skype each other and email … I'll send you photos regularly too," I explained.

"Still won't be the same …" she grumbled.

"You're not going to lose me, Alice. I'm coming back, I promise. I just need to do this for myself," I said, turning to face the rest of the family. "I need some time away from everything to gain some perspective, and I need to do it somewhere that I won't be followed constantly by the memories of Edward."

I heard Esme gasp and looked over to see her burying her face in Carlisle's shirt, her body shaking with her sobs. Carlisle had wrapped his arms around her, rubbing her back soothingly with one of his hands. I tentatively walked over and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Esme?"

She slowly pulled away from her husband's embrace and looked up at me with her sad, tear-filled eyes. I gave her a small smile and she flew at me, hugging me protectively to her chest.

"Bella, dear, I am going to miss you so much. You are the best thing that ever happened to Edward, and in turn one of the best things to ever happen to our family. I know how much Edward's death has affected you, and I am so grateful you didn't give up on us when we lost him. You're one of my daughters, Bella, and I couldn't imagine losing you too. You are a constant reminder of how happy my son was when he died, because that happiness all came down to you. You were the reason he woke up every morning, the reason he gave his all to his studies, and you were the reason he did everything with a smile on his face." She sniffled a little, her gaze still penetrating mine. "You were his sunshine, and you continue to be ours, however, your spark is not as bright as it used to be. I've watched you try and pull through this alone, and I know you've tried to be strong for us, but I've seen through the cracks in your mask, Bella, and I know you're not happy. You won't be until you find peace again."

She reached a hand up to my cheek and lightly ran her fingers down it.

"Go out and find your happiness again. Just don't forget us here. Our lives just wouldn't be the same without you. I love you, dear. We all do."

I nodded and felt a few hot tears slide over the apples of my cheeks.

"I love you, too, Esme," I whispered, hugging her tight. "I could never forget you, any of you. You all mean too much to me."

As I pulled back, Esme smiled warmly at me and I couldn't help but smile back, a small laugh escaping my lips as Esme hugged me tight once more.

"Yeah, yeah, enough of this sentimental stuff," Emmett said loudly, breaking the tense atmosphere of the room. "Aren't any of you pissed that Bella's going on a spur-of-the-moment vacation to Australia? Australia! I want to go on vacation to Australia!"

Everyone laughed, and Carlisle and Esme took that as their cue to leave the room, mentioning something about coffee. Jasper punched Emmett lightly in the arm, receiving an elbow in the ribs in return, before Emmett walked over to me and pulled me into a bear hug while ruffling my hair.

"I'm gonna miss you, kid. Who'll entertain me while you're gone?"

"Like you need me to keep you entertained. I'm sure Rosalie keeps you more than occupied," I smirked. Emmett grinned in response and tickled my sides.

"She doesn't disappoint, I can assure you of that."

"Besides, you'll have a little Emmett running around soon enough. Diaper changes and midnight feedings will make you forget all about me."

The huge smile that had spread across his face at my words suddenly plummeted into an equally large frown.

"You're not going to be here for the birth," he sad sadly, disappointment hanging heavily in his words.

I shook my head sorrowfully, surprised at the realization. "I guess not."

I hadn't actually thought of that in my desperation to get away. Emmett and Rosalie's baby was due in just two months, and they had asked me if I would be Godmother. I had fully intended on being present at the birth, ready to be one of the first to welcome the new addition to the Cullen family into the world. I suddenly felt a horrible weight settle on my chest.

"Oh, Emmett, I'm so sorry," I cried as I hugged him. "I completely forgot -"

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Rosalie move to sit down, tears now streaming down her face. I pulled back from Emmett and gently cupped his cheek in my hand, before moving away to apologise to his wife.

I carefully sat down on the chaise next to Rosalie, where she sat hunched over her round stomach with her face buried in her hands. Slipping my arm around her shoulders, I pulled her into an awkward but gentle one-armed hug.

"Rose, I am so sorry. I wasn't even thinking when I made my decision. I swear to you, I would love nothing more than to be here for the birth-"

"It's okay, Bella. I understand," she cut me off, raising her head and placing one of her hands on my knee. "I can't begin to imagine what kind of place your head must be like at the moment. I can't say I'm not upset that you won't be here, but I do understand. Really, I do. You've got to do this for yourself."

She wiped a few tears away from her eyes and sniffed a few times, trying to rid herself of the rare show of emotions she had let herself succumb to. Rosalie rarely ever let anyone see her true feelings, even her family. Only a few times had she slipped in front of me, and never had it been in front of anyone else. We had always been alone. Rosalie felt that showing emotion was a sign of weakness. No matter how many times I told her that showing our emotions made us human, not weak, she refused to believe me. She was stubborn as all hell, which was why she and Emmett were a perfectly matched pair. The combination of their genes was going to make one amazing little person.

"Stupid hormones," she mumbled. I offered her the box of Kleenex from the coffee table and she gratefully took a few from it, blowing her nose loudly.

"I am sorry, Rose. I might be able to come home for it. You never know, I may get to Australia and decide I hate it there. I could be home by next weekend …" I trailed off, smiling.

Rosalie laughed softly, joined by Emmett, Alice and Jasper who had been listening in on our conversation.

"As much as I would love that, Bella, I will kick your ass if you come home after less than a week," Alice said menacingly. "At least make the most of your holiday. Spend some time on the beach. You really need a tan."

I giggled and threw one of the chaise cushions at her, snorting when it hit her square in the face. The look of shock on her face set the rest of us off in fits of laughter, mine turning into squealing when Alice came running at me, pelting me with every cushion she could get her hands on.

And so began the epic pillow war that caused us all to temporarily forget our sadness. Jasper had jumped in and taken my side, assisting me in my attack on Alice, while Emmett had taken up post as protector of Rosalie, fending off any stray pillows that headed in her direction, and throwing them back at three times the force they had hit him with.

Carlisle and Esme returned to the room and stood by the door watching for a few minutes. After deciding that we had made enough mess in Esme's living room, Carlisle called out, "Cake time!"

Upon hearing Carlisle's voice, we all froze. Alice, Jasper and I were in a heap on the floor, Alice and I both gripping the same cushion while Jasper held Alice's waist, tickling her. Emmett was on his knees in front of Rosalie, a cushion raised over his head ready to throw down at one of us on the floor. His head snapped to Carlisle.

"Did someone say cake?"

Esme laughed. "Yes, dear. My Rocky Toffee Choco-Mocha cake is out on the deck. I thought we'd have a little celebration."

"All right!" Emmett cried, fist-pumping the air. "Come on, Rosie, let's get us some Choco-Mocha love!"

Emmett scooped Rosalie up in his arms, much to her annoyance, and charged out of the room. Rosalie's cries of, "Put me down, you damned brute!" echoed down the hall after them.

Jasper, Alice and I untangled ourselves from each other and rose off the floor to follow them. As I passed Carlisle and Esme, Carlisle lightly touched his hand to my forearm, halting me. Esme looked to Carlisle in confusion. He just smiled at her and gestured that she follow Alice and Jasper. Heeding him, she gave both Carlisle and I a warm smile and followed her daughter and son-in-law down the hall.

I gazed expectantly up at my once future father-in-law. Carlisle placed both of his hands on my shoulders and fixed his concerned stare directly at my eyes. He was quiet for a moment as he peered into the depths of my chocolate orbs.

"Bella, I just wanted to let you know that if ever you need anything, anything at all, Esme and I will always be here to help you. If you need help financially -"

"Thank you, Carlisle, but I think I'll be fine in that department," I replied, interrupting him. "I've got quite a bit saved up, and if I get desperate, there's always – I've always got back-up savings."

I cringed at the thought of having to use Edward's money after all this time. Carlisle did not let this escape his notice.

He sighed, "Bella, I know that the thought of us lending you money is uncomfortable for you, however, Esme and I only want to help you. We want to see you achieve all you want to achieve, without the worry of money hanging over your head. As for Edward's money … Bella, that money is yours now. It was yours before he even died. What's his is yours, and vice versa. Edward is not around to spend it, and he specifically left it to you. It's yours to spend as you please. He would hate to think of you ignoring it, of just leaving it sit there until you die, just because you didn't think it was yours to spend."

"Carlisle, I just can't bear the thought of spending it. As far as I'm concerned, it doesn't exist. I don't want to just go out and spend it on unnecessary rubbish. I don't need it." I explained.

"You may one day."

I shook my head. "I don't think so. If I can't earn enough to afford what I want to afford, than I obviously don't care enough about it. It's hard enough living in our house when I know only half of it is mine."

Carlisle dropped his gaze from mine and sighed.

"Please, just promise me you'll ask for help if you need it? Esme and I won't think twice about it, no matter what you need. We love you like a daughter, Bella, and we only want the best for you."

"Thank you, Carlisle," I said, hugging him. He placed a kiss on my forehead and pulled back to smile at me.

"Will you stay for dinner? Esme would love it if you joined us. She wants to spend as much time with you as she can before you leave. We all do," Carlisle said.

I nodded in affirmation. "Of course I will. Do you mind if Jake joins us too? I don't want to leave him alone to fend for himself tonight, not after all he's done for me lately."

"Of course Jake can join us. The more the merrier! Now, let's go get us some of Esme's cake before Emmett eats it all," Carlisle said, offering me his arm. I grinned, slipped my arm into his, and then we walked down the hall towards the deck where our family, and Esme's famous Rocky Toffee Choco-Mocha cake, awaited us.

* * *

_Please review. It really makes my day to hear your thoughts and comments! =)_


	5. Chapter 4: Unexpected Company

_Okay guys, here's Chapter 4. It's only a little late, but it's also only half of what I originally wrote for this chapter. I was getting close to the 14 000 word mark, as the characters decided to take me in a completely different direction to what I originally intended, so I've decided to split the chapter into two. The second half still isn't finished, so I'll be posting it as Chapter 5 instead, hopefully before I go away on Sunday. I should finish writing it tonight and get it off to Hannah to beta, so it'll probably go up sometime over the next few days. Check out the End Notes after the chapter for a sneak peek of it. =)_

_Disclaimer: SM owns everything but my plot...*sigh*_

* * *

**Thinking of You**

**Chapter Four – Unexpected Company**

I woke up to the feeling of Jake's warm breath tickling the back of my neck, the little puffs of air gently blowing wisps of my hair around my face. His strong arms held me firmly against his body in our spooning position and I could feel the stirrings of his morning wood pressed against my back as he neared a state of awakening. I let out a small sigh, feeling guilty about how he felt about me – and how his body reacted to mine – knowing that I could not return those feelings. Not at the present moment in time, anyway. Maybe once I had spent a few months in Australia, finding myself again, things would be different, and I could give my whole self to Jake. I so desperately wanted to reach that point, because I truly did love Jake. I knew that I wasn't _in love_ with him, but maybe one day …

One day I would have the capacity to fall in love again. At least, I hoped so. It didn't seem possible that I could love someone as I had loved Edward, as I _still_ loved him; however, I knew that it was possible. I had seen it happen before, and I wasn't pessimistic enough to think that it could never happen to me.

I saw the looks of pity my work colleagues and other acquaintances gave me, and I had heard the gossiping and the whispering that went on behind my back; I wasn't stupid. Most of them seemed to think that it was all over for me. That because I had become engaged so young, that I had found the love of my life within my high-school sweetheart, meant that I was ruined forever emotionally and wasn't capable of finding love in someone else. I had invested all my hopes and dreams in Edward, and because I hadn't ever experienced a romantic relationship with anyone besides him, apparently I was destined to spend the rest of my life a lonely, almost-widower.

I was going to prove them wrong. Sure, the past two years had been hell for me, and I may not have coped with my loss as well as others had, but I was capable of overcoming the grief. I would never forget Edward, but I wouldn't let his death rule the rest of my life either. I was only twenty-two. I would find my happiness again. It could take months or even years to reach the goal I aimed for, but I would do it.

I would find a way to let my light shine again.

The change in Jake's breathing alerted me to his awakening before the shifting of his body did. His shallow breaths suddenly became one long deep inhale, before a strong gust of his surprisingly pleasant morning breath blew over my shoulder and left a trail of warmth in its wake. His arms tightened around me instinctively and pulled me even closer as he buried his face in my neck, softly kissing the rapidly cooling skin that his breath had warmed only seconds previously.

"Mmm … 'morning," he murmured, his voice thick with sleep.

"G'morning, Jake," I replied, hugging his arms tight to me. As guilty as I felt about it, I couldn't deny that it was nice to be wrapped in his arms. His closeness helped ease the emptiness I felt in my heart.

"I'm gonna miss this when you're gone …" he continued, peppering kisses from my neck down my shoulder and mid-way down my back before re-tracing the path back up again. He stopped once he made it back up to my neck and buried his nose in my hair. "I'm going to be so lonely without you."

With closed eyes, I turned my head enough so that our foreheads were resting against each other. I laced my fingers with his over my stomach.

"I'm sorry I can't give you more," I said, my voice barely a whisper. Our closeness and the intimacy of the moment seemed too precious to disturb with even those words. He was constantly baring the innermost depths of his soul to me, and I gave him next to nothing in return. It wasn't fair.

"You don't need to give me more. Just having you here in my arms is enough," he whispered in return before gently pressing his lips to mine in a kiss. "I know you've got quite a ways to go before you're ready for anything more than this, but I'll wait. I'll wait for however long it takes. I love you, Bella. I'll wait for you forever."

He kissed me again, and giving into the emotions that were taking over me, I released his arms only to turn my body into his and slide my hands up to tangle in his shaggy, purposefully unkempt hair. As our kiss grew more heated, the usual anxious tightening in my chest began to grow, however, before it got the point where I usually pulled away, Jake put a stop to it himself. With an obvious reluctance to let the kiss end, he allowed his lips to linger on mine a little longer than normal before resting his forehead against my own.

"Jake, I -"

"Shh," he whispered, pulling his face back from mine and pressing a finger to my lips. "Don't speak. Just let me have this moment, please?"

I nodded upon seeing the look of desperation upon his face. It appeared that he was trying to pretend, even just for the briefest of moments, that things weren't so complicated between us. That we were a normal couple sharing a morning cuddle in bed with no outside distractions, no emotional barriers … I could at least give him that, if nothing else. I smiled warmly at him and pressed a quick kiss upon his lips in an effort to extend his moment of bliss. He lifted his hand up to my face, brushing a few stray strands of my hair out of my eyes before cupping my cheek, his eyes burning into my own chocolate pools with the array of passionate emotion he was feeling. The strength of his love for me shocked me into stunned silence. Seeing his soul laid bare in his eyes was almost too much for my heart to take. My stomach rolled with the fresh wave of guilt that swept through my system. My leaving tomorrow was going to hurt Jake a lot more than I originally thought, and my current actions were doing nothing to help the situation.

As I stared into his eyes, I saw the pain I was feeling reflected back at me. His moment had obviously passed the blissfully ignorant stage and reality was once again setting in. I felt tears begin to well in my eyes.

He whispered, "thank you," and kissed me again softly. I felt a few warm drops on my cheeks, and it wasn't until Jake had pulled back that I realised he was crying too, his tears mixing with mine.

I cupped his face with both of my hands and attempted to wipe his tears away, though they were coming a lot faster than I could control. I pulled him to me as a loud sob escaped his lips, wrapping my arms firmly around his torso as he buried his face in my chest and held me tight.

"Oh, Jake …"

We lay there in our life-preserving embrace for an undeterminable amount of time, Jacob's body shaking against mine with the intensity of his sobbing. I continued to hold him tight and gently stroked his hair in an attempt to help him calm down while waiting for his crying to cease. After a while, his body became still and his breathing evened out. I turned my head to look at his face, confirming that he had indeed fallen asleep.

Carefully, I extracted myself from underneath him, desperately trying not to disturb his slumber, and crept out of the bedroom. Upon reaching the hall, a small internal war began between my mind and my stomach. My mind quickly won, leading me down the hall and into the bathroom.

Freshly showered and dressed only in my bathrobe, I headed downstairs to the kitchen to placate my gurgling stomach. I had not wanted to risk disturbing Jake by rifling through my cupboard for some clean clothes, so the bathrobe was going to have to do for the moment. I wasn't due to be anywhere until that night anyway.

I fumbled around in the fridge for a moment, gathering up some ingredients for my special chocolate strawberry pancakes. I had just begun mixing the batter when the phone rang.

I placed the mixing bowl down on the countertop and rushed to pick up the cordless handset.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Bells. How are you?" said a familiar gruff voice.

"Hey, Dad!" I replied. "I'm fine. Just cooking up some of my famous pancakes for breakfast. Jake's been really upset about my impending travels, so I thought I'd try and cheer him up a bit."

"That's real nice of you, Bells. It must be tough on the poor boy."

I nodded to myself, half forgetting that Charlie couldn't see me through the phone.

"He hasn't taken the news of my leaving very well at all. I hate that I'm hurting him, but I've just got to get away for a while. He understands that. He just doesn't like that he can't come too."

"And why can't he?" Charlie asked.

I sighed. "For many reasons, Dad. The main one being that I need to do this on my own. And he can't just leave the garage; the place would fall to pieces without him there. He hasn't got a trained manager there yet."

"All right, fair enough. So listen, my reason for calling was -"

A loud knock on the front door drowned out the rest of Charlie's sentence. I began to walk towards the door, keeping the phone to my ear.

"Hang on a minute, Dad. There's someone at the door."

Checking that my bathrobe was covering me as modestly as possible, I turned the doorknob to reveal …

"Dad!"

There was Charlie, standing on the front landing holding his cell phone to one ear. He brought the phone down to press the 'end' button and slipped it in his coat pocket before shooting me one of his lop-sided grins and holding his arms out for a hug.

I threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around his middle as he enveloped me in his embrace. It had been too long since I had last hugged my father. I breathed in the earthy smell of him - a mixture of pine and moss and aftershave - committing it to memory. I really did miss Charlie. Ever since I had left my hometown of Forks to move to Seattle with Edward four years previously, my visits back home had become increasingly few and far between. It wasn't that I didn't want to return to Forks to visit Charlie very often; time just managed to slip through my fingers without me even realising. In fact, since Edward's death, I could only remember visiting Forks twice. Twice in two years was pathetic, seeing as it was only a short few hours drive away. I really had let my grieving affect my personal relationships in a negative way.

"What are you doing here?" I asked in surprise, pulling back to look up at him.

"Can't a man surprise his daughter with a visit?" he asked in reply, his grin still spread across his features. I leaned in to hug him again, before stepping back to let him inside the house.

Charlie followed me into the kitchen, seating himself on one of the stools at the breakfast bar, while I returned to where I was preparing breakfast.

"Do you want a drink, Dad?" I asked, pulling the carton of orange juice out of the fridge.

Charlie nodded as I grabbed two glasses out of the cupboard above the sink. I poured us both a drink and handed one to Charlie, before returning to my mixing bowl.

"So why are you really here, Dad?" I questioned as I began to spoon some batter into the frypan.

Charlie took a long gulp from his glass of orange juice before replying.

"I knew you couldn't make it down to see your old dad before you head off on your adventure, and the Cullens invited me around for dinner tonight as a surprise for you, so instead of driving up after work, I thought I'd take the day off to come up to spend a little extra time with you," he explained.

I raised an eyebrow at him.

"You took time off work? You never take time off work!"

He shrugged. "This was a special occasion. And besides, I haven't seen you in months, Bells. I – I miss you."

I felt myself choke up a little at Charlie's words. He never had been one to vocalise, or even physically show his emotions, so his instigation of the hug at the door and now this was quite a shock to me.

"I miss you too, Dad," I replied, smiling warmly at him.

We continued to chatter while I finished cooking the pancakes, catching up on the news and happenings from each other's lives. As I had grown older, I had noticed that Charlie and I seemed to be able to hold conversations with each other a lot easier, sharing more with each other than before. When I first moved in with him as a teenager, we would barely speak a word to each other, yet could remain in comfortable silence with each other for long periods of time. It wasn't until I met Edward that we seemed to converse more, the length of our conversations increasing even more after I left home and moved to Seattle for university. Our relationship was nowhere near as open as my relationship with my mother, Renee, was, but it was still perfect in its own way.

I had just started to plate up the pancakes when Jake came trudging down the stairs dressed in only his boxers, his hands rumpling his already messy hair.

"Bells, sorry about – oh, hey, Charlie," he yawned as he slumped into a seat next to Charlie.

"Hi, Jake," Charlie replied, holding out his hand to shake Jacob's.

"You're just in time for my special chocolate strawberry pancakes, Jake!" I said happily, handing him a plate.

"Bells, you're amazing. I love these," he grinned. He eagerly took the plate from me and began pouring some extra strawberry syrup over the pile of pancakes in front of him, before shovelling them into his mouth with gusto.

I giggled as I watched him devour the breakfast treat, shaking my head as I sat down across from him with my own plate.

"Anyone would think you were raised by animals, Jake," Charlie chuckled.

"He practically was," I laughed. "That reservation …"

Jake pointed his syrup-covered knife at me. "Hey! No dissing the Rez!" he accused with his mouth still full of pancake. "Just because my ancestors 'descended from wolves' …"

"Yeah, yeah. Just eat your pancakes," I giggled, rolling my eyes.

In no time at all, the entire batch of pancakes has been polished off, leaving a small pile of dirty dishes to be tackled. Jake offered to wash them up, but needed no encouragement when I told him to leave them and go for a shower instead. While he was upstairs getting ready to face the day properly, I quickly ran up to the bedroom to change out of my bathrobe and into some actual clothes, then Charlie and I began tidying up the kitchen. As I ran the hot water for the dishes, Charlie grabbed a dishtowel in preparation to assist.

"So, what do you want to do today, Bells?" Charlie asked.

I shrugged, my hands buried in soapy water. "Whatever you want to do, Dad," I replied. "I do need to finish packing before we go to dinner at Esme and Carlisle's tonight though."

"How about we just hang around here, then? You've got a few board games, don't you?"

"Yeah, somewhere," I laughed. "Edward … Edward had them in a box in the attic. He made space for them in the cupboard in the living room, but didn't get around to moving them." The explanation sent a small ripple of pain through me. It was nothing too crippling, but obvious enough to alert Charlie to my discomfort.

Charlie set the dishtowel on the counter and placed his hand on my shoulder, a look of worry etched in his features.

"You okay, kid?"

I nodded, taking a deep breath to soothe the dull ache.

"I'm fine, Dad. It's just … it still hurts a bit to think of him."

I turned to face Charlie. His look of fatherly concern helped ease the pain a little more, and as he pulled me into his warm embrace, I couldn't help but think that I had the best father in the world.

"I know it hurts, Bells, but it will get better. Trust me. It took me a long time to get over the pain from your mother leaving, but knowing that I still had you made it easier. I would spend my whole year waiting for the summer to arrive, because the moment I saw you standing in the airport waiting for me, all the pain disappeared. Every day I spent with you during your visits was the best day of my life. If you asked me which day I cherished the most, I would tell you that I cherished every single one of them equally, because I spent them with you." Charlie dropped a kiss on the top of my head and squeezed me tight. "I've missed you, Bells. I worry about you every day."

Charlie's out-pouring of emotion was something I was not prepared for. Even though we had become more open with our feelings in our relationship, it was still a bit of a shock to hear that I had been such a large source of happiness in my father's life in the time that I lived with my Renee in Arizona, especially since I usually dreaded the trips to Forks every summer. There was only one thing I despised more than fishing, and that was fishing in the rain. The only thing I had enjoyed about my visits to Forks had been playing on First Beach and investigating the rock pools with Charlie. As much as I loved my father, I had spent most of my visits counting down the days until I could return home to sunny Arizona. When I had actually moved back to Forks just before my senior year, my opinion of the town changed quite swiftly, mainly due to the discovery of one Edward Cullen.

Soon after starting at Forks High, I had discovered that my new friend Alice was actually the sister of the quiet, unassuming, bronze-haired god who was in a couple of my classes. He never seemed to speak to anyone in class, aside from Alice, and at lunch he would usually sit with his best friend, Jasper, who was in the year above us.

Alice had decided to take it upon herself to introduce us one afternoon after school, inviting me around to her house under the pretence of doing homework, when really, all she wanted to do was play matchmaker. Suffice to say, she succeeded, and from that point forward, Edward and I became inseparable.

Having Edward in my life - and the rest of the Cullens for that matter - made life in Forks something I never imagined it could be. I became used to the rain, and actually began to enjoy it after a rather memorable afternoon with Edward in the forest behind the Cullen's house. Even the cold and the snow became tolerable. It got the point where, on a visit to Renee in Jacksonville one weekend, I actually surprised myself when I discovered that I couldn't wait to return to Forks. My life had been turned upside-down, and I loved it.

Even Charlie had noticed my change in demeanor, and I think that's when we had started to open up a little more to each other. We would find ourselves swapping stories about our days over dinner, spending more time talking and playing board games after dinner and on weekends, and Charlie had even started accompanying me to the grocery store on occasion. I grew to appreciate the time I spent with my father, and often thought about how I'd taken my summer visits with him for granted.

Right now, in this very moment, I knew that since Edward's death, I had reverted back to taking him for granted. I had been so wrapped up in my own grief and suffering that I had not seen my father for who he was; a source of comfort and assistance. He had lived through losing a partner, and although he had not lost mom under the same circumstances that I had lost Edward, he still understood the pain that I was going through.

"I'm sorry, Dad," I murmured into his shirt. "I didn't mean to be so distant with you these past two years. I've been so wrapped-up in missing him that I didn't realize that I was missing you, too. I love you, Dad."

Charlie hugged me even tighter. "I love you too, Bella."

I pulled back from him, smiling, and stood up on my tip-toes to place a small peck on his cheek, then turned back to the sink to finish washing the dishes. I heard Charlie clear his throat as, out of the corner of my eye, I saw him turn away from my slightly and bring his hand up to face to swipe quickly at his eyes. A few seconds later he picked the dishtowel back off the bench and resumed his task.

We finished cleaning the kitchen together in silence, a new-found sense of peace settling over me the longer I spent in Charlie's presence. Just as the last piece of cutlery had been put away in its drawer, Jacob came bounding down the stairs and threw himself down on the couch in front of the television.

"So, what are we doing today?"

Charlie and I rounded the breakfast bar together and walked over to join Jake. I joined Jake on the couch, while Charlie took up residence on the recliner.

"We thought we'd just stay in today. Play a few board games, watch some movies … just relax before dinner tonight," I replied.

Jake nodded in approval and slipped his arm around my shoulders, instinctively pulling my body closer to his own.

"Want me to go upstairs and get the box down?" he asked. I wondered if he knew how much his question meant to me.

I nodded and smiled at him gratefully. "If you wouldn't mind. Could you bring down the large suitcase that's up there too, while you're at it?"

"No problem," he said, placing a kiss on my forehead before leaping from the couch and running up the stairs.

Once Jake was out of earshot, Charlie said, "He's a good kid. Does he know where you stand with him?"

I turned to face Charlie and nodded. "He does. He doesn't like it, especially with me going so far away for so long, but he understands. I just hope he doesn't spend all his time waiting on me to come back. He deserves much more than I can give him."

Charlie hummed in contemplation. "I know you don't think you're worth much to anyone right now, but Bella, you're worth everything. Always have been, always will be. Jake knows what you've been through; he's seen you at your worst and yet he still wants to be with you. He sees past all the broken bruised parts and can find the true you deep inside it all. He's good for you, Bells. And soon enough, you'll be good for him too."

"Dad, I can't – please don't. I know he feels a lot more strongly for me than I do for him right now, and I really don't want to encourage him too much. I think, maybe one day, I could feel for him what he feels for me, but right now, that day seems so far off. It's not fair to him. He should be with someone who's already whole, who can give their whole self to him. All I can give him is an unsure promise to try."

With a sigh, Charlie replied, "All right, I'll butt out. I just wanted to make sure you were on even footing. I know you'll do the right thing by him, Bells."

At that moment, Jake came thumping back down the stairs, a large box labelled, 'board games' in my messy scrawl blocking his whole upper-half from view. I jumped up to give him a hand.

"Are you all right with that, Jake? Do you need help?"

"Nah, I'm fine," he replied, dumping the box on the floor by the bottom step, a large cloud of dust billowing off it as it hit the floor. Jake sneezed as some flew up into his face. "That attic of yours needs a real good spring clean though. I nearly suffocated from the amount of dust up there!"

"I, er, haven't been up there for a while," I admitted, blushing slightly. "Sorry."

"Don't worry about it. I was just teasing. I'll give it a clean while you're gone, if you want. There're a lot of boxes still up there."

"Most of that is … it's a mixture of mine and Edward's things that we hadn't got around to unpacking. Don't worry about it, Jake," I said, waving a hand at him. "I'll deal with it when I get back."

"Are you sure?" he asked.

I nodded in response, not trusting myself to speak anymore about the topic. I knew most of what was up there, and did not want anyone else going through it.

Charlie cleared his throat. "What's first?"

"You choose," I replied, gesturing towards the box. "I'm going to get myself a coffee. Do either of you want one?"

Both men declined, instead gathering around the box of board games to see what their options were.

I walked into the kitchen and out of sight of Jake and Charlie before leaning against the pantry door and allowing myself to slide down it and come to rest upon the hard tile floor. I closed my eyes for a moment and leaned my head back against the door behind me. It was only ten o'clock in the morning and already I was mentally exhausted. After the episode with Jake in bed this morning, then all the emotion of seeing Charlie at my door, I was a mess. Part of me was thankful for the time I got to share with both men, and for the fact that both of them wanted to spend their time with me, but the rest of me could not wait to get on that plane tomorrow. The past few days had really taken their toll on me mentally, and all the thinking and crying and reminiscing I'd done had solidified in my mind that what I was doing was the right thing. Once I got on that plane tomorrow, that was it. I was starting fresh. No more sadness, no more tears … no more Edward. A new leaf was being turned, and my life was turning with it.

Taking a few deep breaths, I hauled myself up off the floor and proceeded to make up a pot of coffee, knowing that if I spent too much longer in the kitchen, Jake and Charlie would wonder what had happened to me.

I re-entered the living room a short while later, a steaming mug of coffee in one hand and a plate full of my homemade chocolate chip cookies in the other.

Jake and Charlie were in the middle of setting up the Monopoly board, Jake arguing the rules with my father.

"No, to buy a hotel you've got to- chocolate chip cookies! Bella, you're fucking amazing! Sorry, Charlie," he mumbled, realizing his language error.

Charlie chuckled, grabbing a cookie off the plate as I sat it down next to the Monopoly board.

"It's all right, son. I agree with you." He winked in my direction, causing me to blush.

"They're just cookies," I mumbled, embarrassed.

Jake's eyes widened as he began to choke on his cookie.

"Just cookies? Bella, these are more than just cookies. Your cookies are-"

"Okay, I get the idea. Can we focus on the game now?" I asked, wanting to get the attention off me. "I want to be the iron."

"You're such a woman," Jake snorted.

"Shut it, you," I said, throwing a cushion at him, which he dodged with ease.

"Your aim sucks, Bells. Has anyone ever told you that? Dibs on the car!" he cried.

Charlie chuckled at our childish actions, shaking his head to himself as he handed out the playing pieces.

The three of us spent the rest of the day playing our way through my box of board games, stopping after Monopoly to order in some pizza for lunch, and then later on that afternoon to mix up a batch of brownies to take to the Cullen's that night. While I mixed the ingredients, Jake and Charlie settled down in front of the television with a few beers to watch a baseball game. Once the brownies were in the oven, I decided to leave the men to their sports and head upstairs and finish my packing.

Walking into my room, I saw that Jake had dusted off the suitcase from the attic and had sat it open on the end of the bed, ready for me to pack straight into.

I had already begun to set aside a few things to take with me, most of it sitting in one of my smaller suitcases on the floor by the closet. I had decided to only take a small portion of my winter wardrobe with me, as it was the end of May, which meant that it was winter over in Australia, but also because I planned on buying most of my clothes over there. I knew that the Australian climate was much different to that of Seattle, so buying appropriate clothing over there would be easier than trying to guess what I'd need. That, and it would make my suitcase much lighter to carry around.

After an hour of packing and re-packing, and rushing downstairs to pull the brownies out of the oven, I finally managed to settle on the items that would accompany me to the Southern Hemisphere, and zipped my suitcase closed. I wheeled it to stand by the door, my small carry-on bag resting on top, the only item missing from it being my camera, as I was taking it with me to the Cullen's tonight.

I had a quick shower and changed into a light sundress and slipped on a pair of white ballet flats. I grabbed a cardigan out of the closet and made my way back downstairs.

Jake and Charlie were still planted in front of the television, shouting at the football players that now dominated the screen. I laughed quietly to myself and headed towards the kitchen to slice up the brownies and put them in a container, ready to take to Esme.

I was halfway through slicing them when Jake sneaked up behind me and grabbed my sides, scaring the hell out of me and causing the knife to slip, slicing right through my finger.

"Oh, shoot!" I hissed, dropping the knife and gripping my finger with my right hand in an attempt to stem the bleeding.

"Shit, sorry, Bella! What can I do?" Jake asked, a mask of worry on his face.

"Go to the medicine cabinet in the bathroom and get a band-aid and the anti-septic cream," I said, fighting the urge to pass out. "Hurry!"

Jake turned and fled, returning moments later with his hands full.

"I wasn't sure what ones you needed, so I brought them all," he explained, dumping it all on the counter.

"Thank you," I said quietly, breathing deeply. My head was starting to spin.

"What's going on?" I heard Charlie ask, obviously distracted by the commotion in the here.

"I scared Bella and she accidentally cut her finger with the knife," Jake replied, gripping onto me as I began to sway unsteadily. "Bella, are you okay?"

I shook my head. "Going to be sick," I managed to get out, before throwing myself at the sink as the contents of my stomach resurfaced.

Jake and Charlie both rushed to my side, Jake holding back my hair as Charlie steadied me.

"You never did do well with blood," Charlie chuckled.

"Not funny, Dad," I replied, before throwing up again.

"Jake, hold her up. I'm going to take a look at her finger."

Jake took hold of my waist, keeping my on my feet as Charlie took my hand in his and observed the injury.

"It's not too deep, should be okay with a band-aid or two. How are you feeling now?" he asked after I pulled my head up from the sink.

"Dizzy," I said, turning the faucet on and washing my face one-handed. I scooped a handful of cold water into my mouth and rinsed it out, repeating the action a few times before shutting the water off. "I need to sit down."

Charlie and Jake helped me over to the couch and sat me down. Charlie left my side briefly, and came back with a glass of water, a tube of anti-septic cream and a couple of band-aids.

"Here, drink this," he said, handing me glass of water. He sat down on the couch beside me and began to clean and bandage my injured finger.

I swallowed most of the water in one long gulp, the cold water soothing my raw throat.

"Thanks, Dad. I feel a lot better now," I said, smiling over at him.

"You would think I'd be used to this by now," he chuckled. I took a swat at his arm, poking my tongue out at him.

"I'm really sorry, Bells," Jake said quietly, the guilt evident on his face. "I didn't mean to scare you like that. I didn't realize you had a knife in your hand."

"Jake, it's okay. It's not as if it's the first time I've ever cut myself in the kitchen. Don't worry about it. I'm fine."

"I'm still sorry."

"I know. Just be thankful I didn't get _you_ with the knife," I grinned, making him laugh.

"Noted," he smirked.

"Jake, let's get this kitchen cleaned up, then we can get ourselves ready for dinner," Charlie said, getting to his feet. Jake nodded and they both disappeared into the kitchen.

"Dad, can you finish slicing the brownies and put them into that container, please?" I called out. "And no sneaking any! They're for after dinner!"

"I'm on it!" he called back, and then I heard some snickering from both him and Jake. I rolled my eyes and turned my attention to the television. Not one for sports, I picked up the remote and begin flicking through the channels, finally settling on a re-run of Scrubs. A few minutes in, I realised I was watching the musical episode and couldn't control the snort of laughter that escaped me as I remembered the first time Edward and I had watched it.

I used to love watching Scrubs with Edward, because he'd always be mumbling little things to himself about different conditions on the show that he was currently studying, and laughing at seemingly private medical jokes that I didn't understand. Never mind the show; Edward was a barrel of medical entertainment in himself.

Just as Turk and JD finished singing, "Guy Love," Jake and Charlie re-appeared in the room, both dressed smartly for dinner. Well, as smartly as two small-town rural men could. Clean jeans and collared shirts were about as smart as Jake and Charlie ever got.

"You feeling okay now, Bells?" Charlie asked.

I nodded in reply as I got to my feet. "Are you both ready to go?"

They both replied in the affirmative, so I grabbed my keys and cardigan off the counter as Charlie picked up the container of brownies, and the three of us walked out to my car.

* * *

**_Sneak Peek of Chapter Five - You Say Goodbye, I Follow Through_**

_Rosalie's performance was priceless. She was absolutely livid and yet her face sported a calm mask of calculative indifference. She truly was a master in the art of marital domination._

Rosalie turned her cool façade back to focus on her empty dinner plate and began to spoon some roast vegetables onto it as she started talking.

"If that's the case, then why don't you come here for dinner every night? I'm sure Esme would love to feed her married, soon-to-be-a-father, twenty-six year old son every night while his heavily pregnant wife stays at home to dine on her sub-par attempt at a 'decent meal.' And while you're at it, maybe you can get Mommy dearest to do your laundry because you 'like the smell of her detergent better,' and I'm sure she'd even help you change your oversized diaper, because all the shit that comes spewing out of your mouth is way too much for one bodily exit to handle."

Not once had she looked at Emmett during her spiel, nor anyone else for that matter. She finished serving herself dinner and began to eat as though nothing was amiss.

**_Reviews make me very, very happy... =) _**


	6. Chapter 5: You Say Goodbye, I Follow

_I was going to wait until Wednesday to post this, but seeing as I've been away for three weeks, I thought I'd post early. =)  
Hope you all had a great Christmas and New Year! Mine was fantastic, catching up with family that I haven't seen in years. I even got to spend my birthday stuffing my face with pancakes while catching up with friends! And I also accidentally discovered the location of the illustrious Edward St Blood Bank sign. If you're ever in Brisbane, Australia, head down Queen St Mall in the city till you get to Edward street. You won't be disappointed! =)_

_On that note, here's Chapter 5. Enjoy! _

* * *

**Thinking of You**

**Chapter Five – You Say Goodbye, I Follow Through**

"Surprise!" echoed a chorus of voices as I stepped through the doorway into the Cullen's living room. I jumped backwards at the exclamation, a hand flying up to clutch at my chest in surprise as I took in the occupants of the room. It had not even occurred to me that Charlie was the only guest that the Cullen's had been planning on surprising me with at dinner. I had spent the whole twenty minute drive over from my house thinking it was going to be a small, quiet affair. Clearly, I had been wrong.

On the sofa by the currently un-used fireplace sat Aleisha and her husband, Martin, while opposite them, near the bookshelf, sat my and Edward's high school friends, Angela and Ben. The Cullen's were all scattered around the room, grinning madly at me.

Martin was six feet tall, thin-as-a-stick, had an unruly mop of jet-black hair and a sense of humour to rival that of Emmett. He had been one of Edward's study partners at university, having been working towards the same degree as Edward. It had actually been through Martin that I had met Aleisha and had come to learn about her publishing company, which in turn lead to me being employed part-time by Aleisha in my first year at university. At first, I had started as an intern, working under Aleisha herself as I continued my studies, while also learning the tricks of the trade from Seattle's best editor. Aleisha and I had clicked instantly, forming a steadfast friendship in no time. This, subsequently, had lead to Edward and I spending many an occasion with our new friends outside of school and work, making Martin and Aleisha two of our closest friends outside our family members. They had actually been lined up to be a part of our wedding party; Martin as a groomsman alongside Emmett, Jasper and Ben, and Aleisha a bridesmaid with Alice, Rosalie and Angela. Quite a few of my co-workers frowned upon the close relationship I had with our boss, and I knew many of them would not be happy with the decision Aleisha had made in regards to my position in the company with my sudden departure, however I knew most of it came down to jealousy, pure and simple. I never asked Aleisha to treat me any different to the rest of them, and she was professional enough not to do so anyway, treating me exactly as she saw fit for the benefit and operation of the company. Both of us were mature enough to keep our work lives and private lives separate, so that's how we operated. Just because Aleisha and I would often switch to friend mode upon clocking off for the day and leave work together to go out for drinks and whatnot, did not mean that we spent all day gossiping and planning our non-work-related outings. At work, we focused on work. What we did after hours was no one else's business. And besides, it wasn't my fault that I happened to be working my way up the company ladder faster than most of them. I was just good at my job. It's not as if I was sleeping my way to top.

Esme and Alice gave me brief but firm hugs before excusing themselves to the kitchen. Aleisha and Martin both rose from the sofa as I walked towards them, both enveloping me in an almost suffocating three-person hug. I laughed as we parted, dodging Martin's attempt at ruffling my hair.

"Watch it, Martina. You know I'll kick your ass," I warned playfully.

Martin laughed, plopping himself back down on the sofa. "Whatever, Bellhop. You're all talk."

I raised my eyebrows at him and said, "So sure of that, aren't you? One day, you'll see …"

"Psh. I'm not holding my breath."

I reached my foot out and gave him a swift kick in the shin, earning a sharp hiss of pain from him.

"Yeah, okay. Consider me warned, you bully," he said, rubbing his shin exaggeratedly to ease the pain. I hadn't kicked him _that_ hard, and I could see the corners of his mouth itching upwards, so I knew he was just playing it up. I smirked back at him before turning my attention to Aleisha.

"I can't believe you're here! It's such a surprise," I cried as I hugged her again. Aleisha wrapped her arms around me and squeezed me tight, bouncing along with me a little in excitement.

"As if I'd miss the chance to indulge in Esme's cooking," she grinned, winking at me as she pulled out of our embrace.

"So the fact that you won't be seeing me for God knows how long has absolutely nothing to do with your presence? Nice to know I'm loved," I deadpanned, turning away from her. She just laughed in response and seated herself back down beside Martin.

"What can I say, Bella? Esme's cooking takes priority."

I rolled my eyes at her and laughed as I made my way towards Angela, who stood before me with open arms. Letting her embrace engulf me, I wrapped my own arms around her middle and squeezed her tight.

"I'm so glad you're here, Ang," I mumbled. "I'm going to miss you."

"I'm going to miss you too, Bella. But we'll be in touch all the time, and you'll be back before we know it!" she smiled happily.

"You've been spending too much time with Alice," I responded. "She's insisting that I email her _at least once a day_. Not to mention the amount of time she's allocated for Skype chats. I'm not going to be able to do anything in Australia because I'll be stuck to my damn laptop."

"In that case, should I expect to receive no more than a monthly email? Fortnightly, if I'm lucky?"

I grinned at her and stage-whispered, "For you, I'll make it weekly. Just don't tell Alice."

"I heard that, Bella Swan," Alice said sternly from the kitchen.

"Oh no, I've been caught. Whatever shall I do?" I called back sarcastically, snickering.

Alice stuck her head into the room quickly to poke her tongue at me, and then disappeared again.

After a hug and a brief exchange of greetings with Ben, and then making the rounds with the rest of the Cullen's currently occupying the room, I introduced Charlie to my friends. He had met them once or twice before and so fell quickly into easy conversation with them. Jake and I took a seat on the sofa near the door upon which Emmett and Rosalie sat, and I felt Jake slide his hand under mine and intertwine our fingers as we began to engage ourselves in the group conversation.

Carlisle rose from his armchair at one point to fix Charlie, Jake and I some drinks and to replenish those of the others. I offered to assist him but got kindly shot down and was told to "stay right where you are" when I started to rise from my seat. I knew better than to argue with him, so I remained firmly in my place.

A few drinks and an abundance of conversation later, Alice and Esme re-entered the room to announce that dinner was ready, and ushered us into the dining room.

As I entered the dining room, my mouth fell open in amazement. As many dinners as I had attended at the Cullen home, it still amazed me the lengths that Esme would go to with her cooking. Even a regular Thanksgiving or Christmas meal could not compare to Esme's dinner spectacles. However, Esme did not do it to impress; it was just how she worked. She loved to cook copious amounts of food, and we all loved to eat it. It was a win-win situation.

"Esme, this looks amazing," Angela complimented as she took her seat at the table. Everyone mumbled their agreement as they, too, settled into their respective chairs.

"Mom, I definitely need to kidnap you at meal times," boomed Emmett, closing his eyes as he drew in a deep breath, savouring the smells surrounding him. "I really miss eating decent meals. Ouch! What the hell, Rose?"

Rosalie had hit him hard across the chest and was now glaring at him.

"And what, pray tell, is wrong with _my_ cooking?" she demanded, her icy stare enough to make even the bravest man cower under it. Emmett furrowed his brows in confusion, clearly lost as to why he was in trouble with his heavily pregnant and hormone riddled wife.

"Nothing's wrong with your cooking, babe. It's just not as good as my mom's."

I snorted and brought my hand up to my mouth in an attempt to hide the grin that had spread across my face, and as I looked around at the other occupants of the table, I noticed that they were fighting the urge to laugh too. Martin let out a low whistle and shook his head in sympathy, while Jasper and Ben cringed, their shoulders shaking with the silent laughter they were trying to conceal. Alice just rolled her eyes at her brother's stupidity, and Aleisha and Angela were mimicking my actions. A glance at Charlie, Carlisle, and Esme made some of my giggles escape, causing me to clamp my hand even harder over my mouth. The look of pure amusement on their faces was just too much to handle. It was obvious that they were enjoying Emmett's marital blunder and were waiting to see how he was going to dig himself out of it. Jake just sat in his chair beside me snickering.

Rosalie's performance was priceless. She was absolutely livid and yet her face sported a calm mask of calculative indifference. She truly was a master in the art of marital domination.

Rosalie turned her cool façade back to focus on her empty dinner plate and began to spoon some roast vegetables onto it as she started talking.

"If that's the case, then why don't you come here for dinner every night? I'm sure Esme would _love_ to feed her married, soon-to-be-a-father, twenty-six year old son every night while his heavily pregnant wife stays at home to dine on her sub-par attempt at a 'decent meal.' And while you're at it, maybe you can get Mommy dearest to do your laundry because you 'like the smell of her detergent better,' and I'm sure she'd even help you change your oversized diaper, because all the shit that comes spewing out of your mouth is way too much for one bodily exit to handle."

Not once had she looked at Emmett during her spiel, nor anyone else for that matter. She finished serving herself dinner and began to eat as though nothing was amiss.

I stared at Rosalie in shock, my jaw practically hitting the table. I had seen her put Emmett in his place countless times before, but this time? This time had to be the most shocking of all. The fact that she had practically insulted Esme - _in front of Esme_ - while basically calling Emmett a useless, insensitive Momma's boy … I had to admit, she had real balls. I was speechless, and from the looks of everyone else, I wasn't the only one.

The room was silent except for the clatter of Rosalie's cutlery on her plate as she ate. None of us had a clue of what to say or do. Poor Emmett looked so confused and mortified; it was hard not to feel sorry for him.

"Er, Rosie … I – I don't understand," he croaked. "Did I do something wrong?"

A loud snort escaped from Rosalie and she rolled her eyes, but kept her gaze on her meal as she continued to lift her fork to her lips.

"Rosie? Rose? I'm … sorry?" Emmett said it more as a question, his face smothered with a look of pure bewilderment. He honestly did not realize what he'd done to make his wife so incensed.

"Emmett, you're a fucking idiot. I swear to God, if this kid turns out as thick as you, I will castrate you. Just eat your 'decent meal' while it's hot. It's probably going to be your last."

That was it. The rest of us just burst into hysterics at the scene playing out before us. Jake and I were laughing so hard we had to hold each other up against the table to prevent us from falling out of our seats. Jasper, Ben and Martin all had tears streaming down their cheeks as they howled in laughter, Angela had her face buried in her arms on the table while her body shook with the force of her amusement, and Aleisha and Alice were gasping for breath, their cheeks soaked with tears of mirth.

A loud THUMP caused us to all look at the head of the table, only to find Carlisle's seat empty. He had fallen off his chair and was now half lying on the floor, clutching his stomach in a fit of laughter. Esme and Charlie both rose from their seats, in hysterics themselves, to help him up off the floor and back into his chair.

"Why is everyone laughing?" Emmett asked loudly, slightly annoyed. "I don't understand what the hell just happened here!"

"Ah, son," Carlisle began, wiping the tears from his eyes. "You have much to learn. Much to learn indeed," he chuckled.

That did not appease Emmett at all. He huffed loudly and sat back in his seat, folding his arms across his chest like a sulking child.

Esme rose from her chair once more and moved around the table to her son, gently placing a hand upon his shoulder.

"Emmett, dear, your father will speak to you after dinner. But for now, make the most of your dinner. I have the feeling your wife is going to be extremely … _difficult_ when it comes to mealtimes in your house from now on." She kissed him lightly on the cheek and turned to Rosalie. "Rosalie-"

"I apologise, Esme. I meant you no offense," Rosalie said confidently, cutting Esme off.

"Thank you, dear. No offence taken. However …" Esme leaned down to whisper something into Rosalie's ear, causing a large smile to stretch over Rose's features.

"I'll keep that in mind," she replied, grinning up at Esme. Esme gently rubbed Rosalie's distended stomach and gave her a light peck on the cheek, before returning to her seat next to Carlisle and serving herself and her husband from the dishes laid before them.

"Dig in, everyone!" Carlisle said jovially.

We all began helping ourselves to the wonderful pork roast spread out in front of us, cheerful conversation sparking up between us as we indulged in the perfection of Esme's culinary skills.

Once we were all full to bursting, Esme brought out dessert in the form of her raspberry and white chocolate cheesecake. No one could resist it, so we forced ourselves to find room in our stomachs to squeeze in generous slices of the cheesecake.

A little while later, Esme, Alice, Angela, Aleisha, Rose and myself were gathered in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner, Aleisha, Angela and I on dishes while Alice and Esme gathered all the leftovers into containers to store in the fridge. Rose was seated at the breakfast bar on our orders, preferring to watch us clean than spend the time out in the living room with the men. Carlisle had decided it was the perfect opportunity to inform Emmett of his mistake, and I kept hearing random bursts of laughter and loud cursing echo down the hall.

"Rosalie, you ball buster!" Aleisha cried, chuckling as she stacked a dry plate upon the growing pile in front of her.

Rosalie just smiled and shrugged. "That was nothing."

"You mean you've said worse to him?" gasped Angela, accidentally dropping a glass back into the sink of soapy water.

"Not to Emmett, no, but believe me, there have been some assholes – sorry, Esme - who've had a hell of a lot worse than that from me."

Alice snapped the lid closed on a container of roast pork and said, "You were a little harsh on him, Rose. Poor boy was just excited about his mom's cooking!"

I giggled. "Seriously, Rose. Did you see his face? He had no idea where the hell you were coming from!"

"Okay, so I _may_ have been a little too hard on him. But what idiot of a man tells his wife her cooking blows in front of her mother-in-law?"

"Emmett," the rest of us replied in unison, bursting into laughter.

As our laughter died down, an uproar echoed down the hall from the men, followed by a loud groan from Emmett. Esme shook her head and began stacking the containers Alice passed her into the fridge.

"You never fail to amuse us, that's for sure," Esme mused.

"Someone's got to add some comic relief," Rosalie shrugged.

"And who better than the crazy, pregnant bitch," stated Aleisha, winking at Rose.

I snorted, almost dropping the pot I was currently drying. From the moment Aleisha and Rosalie met, they had done nothing but affectionately insult each other. Both had similar personalities - though Aleisha was a tad nicer and more controlled in public - and absolutely thrived in the presence of each other. It was a highly entertaining spectacle, to say the least.

As soon as the kitchen was clean, Angela and Esme began the task of making tea and coffee for everyone, while I set my brownies out on one of Esme's ceramic serving platters. The six of us then vacated the kitchen, hot drinks and brownies in hand, to re-join the men in the living room.

We entered to find all seven of them deeply enthralled in stories of each other's misfortune when it came to dealing with women. Suffice to say, the stories ended hastily upon our arrival.

Emmett stood immediately, rushing over to Rosalie to help her to a sofa. She ignored him, awkwardly lowering her pregnant self down onto an armchair instead.

I just shook my head and laughed to myself, placing the platter of brownies down on the coffee table. Emmett was going to have to do some serious apologising to regain his "perfect husband" status.

"Come on, Rose, please don't be like this," he pleaded, sitting down next to her on the armrest. "I really am sorry. I didn't mean to insult you! You know I don't think before I speak. Broken filter, remember?"

Rosalie rolled her eyes for god-knows-how-many-eth time that night, and sighed heavily.

"Emmett, you're an idiot. I love you, but you're an idiot. Insult me in front of your parents again, and you'll be eating nothing but canned dog food for a month."

"So I'm forgiven?" His eyes lit up in hopeful excitement.

"Almost," Rose replied.

"Almost?" he pouted. "What've I got to do to make it up to you fully?"

Rose leaned into him and whispered something in his ear. The expression on his face morphed from one of disappointed defeat into one of unbridled lust.

"Right, woman, I'm taking you home to bed," he bellowed, moving to scoop her up, bridal style.

"You are not!" she screeched, pounding on his chest. "Set me down! We're here to say goodbye to Bella, remember?"

"Oh, right." He looked over at me sheepishly. "Sorry."

I giggled and waved my hand at him in dismissal. "Don't worry about it. You guys can go home if you want."

"The hell we will!" Rose cried. "I'm staying until I absolutely have to say goodbye."

"Damn," I sighed, clicking my fingers in faux disappointment. "And here I thought I could get rid of you early."

A loud snort of laughter came from Martin's direction, and I turned to see him grinning at me, his eyes alight with happiness.

"It's great to see the old Bellhop coming back out to play," he said sincerely. I heard everyone murmur his or her agreement, and suddenly felt a huge wave of emotion overwhelm me. Tonight had been the first night since Edward's death that I had allowed myself to relax around my friends and family and actually enjoy myself, rather than spend the night wallowing in the fact that Edward wasn't by my side. To be honest, it felt rather good. Better than good. It had been fantastic.

I felt another piece of the chip on my shoulder drop away, freeing me that little bit more and making my chest feel that touch lighter. It was a nice feeling, knowing that I was on the right track to finding my happiness again, and knowing that I had so many amazing friends and family members behind me made it all the more special.

"It's great to be back," I choked out, smiling at them all through my tears.

A huge set of familiar arms wrapped themselves around my frame, and I nuzzled my face into the warmth of Jacob's chest, allowing myself to release a few happy tears into his shirt. I squeezed him tight for a moment or two as I regained my composure. Looking up at his face, I whispered, "Thank you." Turning to face the rest of the room, I added, "All of you. Thank you so much for sticking by me. I know I haven't been the best friend, sister or daughter to any of you these past two years, but you have no idea how much your love and support has meant to me. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. And thank you all for coming tonight!" I smiled, swiping the tears from my eyes. "I've had the most amazing night with you, laughing and chatting … it's been a wonderful way to say goodbye."

"You mean 'see you later.' There are no goodbyes here, darling," Aleisha winked.

"_And_ this night is far from being over," Alice stated firmly. "We've got some gifts for you."

I groaned as Alice skipped out of the room.

"Alice! I don't need any gifts!" I cried in exasperation. "I've already packed my suitcase!"

"Tough!" she called out, before re-entering the room carrying a small pile of gifts. "Now sit. You will accept them."

"Sounds like I don't have a choice," I muttered. I turned my gaze back up to Jake, and he smiled apologetically down at me.

"Sorry, Bells. The pixie threatened me."

"You're three times her size!" I exclaimed.

Jake shrugged. "She scares me."

I sighed, rolling my eyes as I pulled out of Jake's arms and made my way to one of the armchairs. I sat down and closed my eyes, holding my hands out in front of me.

"Okay, let me have them."

I felt, rather than heard, the exasperation emanating off Alice as she tapped her foot and huffed.

"Bella, can't you at least _pretend_ to be happy about this? I won't give them to you if you're going to be ungrateful," she threatened. At the look of excitement on my face, she quickly responded, "Not going to happen, Bella. You're taking them whether you like it or not."

"Okay, okay …" I surrendered. Arranging my face to portray a pleasant smile, I held my hands back out to her. "Please?"

Alice rolled her eyes and handed the pile of gifts to me. I heard a few snorts and snickers echo around the room and couldn't help the small giggle that escaped my lips.

I started with the top gift on the pile. I tore the wrapping paper off it to reveal a small box containing a five inch digital photo frame. I pulled the frame out of the box and turned it around to find a small USB drive already plugged into the back of it.

"I've already loaded the USB with photos for you to take with you," Alice beamed. "It's from Jazz, Rose, Emmett and I. It's small enough to fit in your hand luggage, so you can take it with you wherever you go. You can plug it in next to your bed and always have pictures of home to remind you of us."

I sat the unopened pile of gifts on the floor at my feet and stood to give Alice a hug.

"Thanks, guys. It's perfect."

"I know. I bought it."

I swatted Alice lightly on the forearm before sitting back down to open the next present. It was a heavy, medium-sized item, and the card resting atop it indicated that it was from Aleisha and Martin. I smiled over at them in acknowledgement before opening the gift.

Inside the paper rested a beautiful leather-bound journal. I released the catch and opened the cover to expose the endless number of blank, high quality paper pages.

"To record your Australian adventures in," Aleisha clarified. "I expect that book to be filled and ready for publishing when you get back."

I chuckled, closing the book back up.

"Thank you so much. This is amazing. I'll definitely be putting it to good use!"

"Don't skip out on the good stuff, either, Bellhop," Martin warned. "I want to read every naughty, illegal detail of your Aussie escapades."

"What on earth do you think I'm going to get up to over there, Martina? You're talking to the daughter of the Forks Chief of Police here!" I shot a wink at Charlie, who grinned at me in return, his eyes crinkling.

Martin shook his head slowly, tutting, "If only your Police Chief father knew …"

Aleisha elbowed her husband forcefully in the ribs and told him to shut up. "You'll make Charlie think his daughter's done nothing but get into trouble since moving to Seattle!"

"Well, it's kinda true …" Emmett piped in.

"You can shut your mouth right now, Emmett Cullen! You're in enough trouble," Rosalie scolded. Emmett closed his mouth instantly and sank back into the sofa.

"You ruin all my fun," he pouted. A chorus of chuckles filled the room.

Laughing, I placed the journal down with the digital photo frame and moved onto the next present. It was a small, rectangular object which turned out to be a very nice but highly expensive pen set from Ben and Angela.

"Ang, you really shouldn't have spent so much money …" I protested.

"Oh, hush," she admonished. "Aleisha mentioned she was getting the journal for you, so I thought you'd need a decent pen to go with it. I know how much you enjoy writing, so it's about time you had something nice to write with."

I moved from my seat to hug her and Ben, thanking them for such a wonderful present. The pen really was beautiful. It was fairly wide, perfect for avoiding wrist cramps from holding my fingers so close together like I did with normal, cheaper pens. It was sleek and silver, with my name engraved along the side of it, accompanied by the phrase, 'Editor Extraordinaire.' I couldn't contain the chuckle that escaped upon reading it.

"Ben, that was you, wasn't it?" I smiled. All I got in return was an enthusiastic nod and a smirk.

I grinned at him and moved onto un-wrapping the final present. It was a fairly small, square-shaped parcel that had a tiny note card attached to it.

_For our Dearest Daughter,_

_May you always know what time it be,  
Where you are, and here with we._

_We love you, Bella. Safe travels._

_Mom, Dad, Carlisle and Esme_

_XoXo_

I felt my breath catch in my throat as I opened the un-wrapped navy velvet box to reveal the most stunning wristwatch I had ever seen in my life. The band was a sturdy yet delicate looking link of criss-crossed silver chain, the clasp holding firm to secure it safely to my wrist. The face of the watch was mesmerising. It was framed by tiny diamond-like stones that sparkled in every direction, reflecting every ounce of light they came across. The face itself had a mother-of-pearl sheen to it, the delicate hands gliding gracefully in their gradual clockwise movement around their axis. The most intriguing part of the watch was the dial of numbers and tiny, evenly spaced markers that moved gradually around the outside of the tiny roman numerals fixed to the face. Upon closer inspection, I realised that the dial of numbers was actually moving at the same pace as the minute hand of the watch. There was a small diamond at the top of the twelve on the face and a small window underneath containing a two-digit number, both of which together indicated the time on the dial of numbers, meaning that the watch was actually able to give two different time readings at the same time. Currently, the hands indicated that it was two-twenty-seven, while the dial gave a reading of nine twenty-seven.

I looked questioningly up at Charlie, Carlisle, and Esme.

"We've set the hands to Sydney time, and the dial to Seattle time. We thought it might help make things a little easier when it came to working out time differences," Carlisle explained.

I could feel my eyes tearing up at the thoughtfulness of the no doubt horribly expensive gift. Watch still in hand, I launched myself off the armchair and into the arms of my parents. I felt amazingly blessed to have such wonderful people calling me their daughter, whether we were blood related or not. The fact that Carlisle and Esme still considered me their daughter, even though my main link to officially joining their family had disappeared some time ago, meant more to me than I could ever express to them in words.

After a few emotional moments in a somewhat awkward four-person embrace, I pulled back from my father and my surrogate parents with a teary smile on my face.

"Thank you so much," I whispered, my emotions still getting the better of me. "It's absolutely beautiful. It's perfect. It's … thank you. I love you."

A small sob escaped Esme's lips and she pulled me firmly to her chest. I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her in return, her motherly embrace making me feel warm and loved and _happy_.

"I love you, too, Bella. You are my daughter, no matter what anyone else says. You were my baby boy's soul mate, the sunshine in his too-short life. He was the happiest man in the world when he died, and it was all because of you. For that, I owe you everything. For that, I will forever be indebted to you. My daughter … I love you."

Esme clutched me tight, her warm, wet tears dampening my shoulder as mine did the same to her. We held each other for what felt like an eternity, before pulling away and smiling warmly at each other. Esme placed a gentle kiss on my forehead and tucked my hair behind my ears before dropping her arms to her side.

I moved on to Carlisle next, smiling wide when he opened his arms for a hug of his own. I moved into him, relishing in the long-familiar embrace that was not dissimilar to that of his deceased son. Edward had very much been his father's son, not so much in looks – though both were extremely, unfairly handsome – but more so in his mannerisms. It had been a major factor in my struggle to move on. Every time I had seen Carlisle, I had been reminded of Edward in his every move.

Carlisle kissed the top of my head and pulled back slightly to gaze at me.

"Our door will always be open to you, Bella. Remember that," he said. "I love you."

I nodded in reply, not trusting myself to speak. He squeezed my shoulders gently before releasing me, only to take a sniffling Esme in his arms.

I turned to Charlie, and the raw emotion I saw in his eyes was my undoing. I flew into his arms, hugging my dad as close to me as possible.

"Daddy …" I sobbed, burying my face into his shirt.

Charlie had wrapped his arms tightly around me and brought his head down to bury his face in my hair. I could hear the slight sniffling coming from him, privately exposing his moment of weakness to me.

"I love you, Bella," he whispered into my hair. "I know I haven't always been the best at showing it, but I do. You are the most important thing in the world to me, and I will always, _always_ be here for you. No matter what time of day, no matter what you need … you can always call on me, Bells. Always."

"I know. I love you. Thank you for being the best dad a girl could ever have," I mumbled into his chest.

Charlie began to stroke my hair, following it all the way down to the tips that hung just below my shoulder blades, before lifting his hand and bringing back to the top of my head to repeat the action.

I felt so safe and warm in my father's arms. Breathing in his earthy scent soothed me and took me back to a time when I had been blissfully happy, completely unaware of the pain and struggling the real world had in store for me. The familiar smell brought an old memory up to the forefront of my mind, one that I hadn't thought of in years.

Charlie and I had been down in La Push one afternoon visiting Jake and his father, Billy. Edward and I had planned a casual evening dinner date in Port Angeles, and he was supposed to be picking me up from home at five o'clock that afternoon, so when Charlie got called into the station for an emergency halfway home, I had called Edward and told him to pick me up from the police station instead. I had chosen to wait outside for him, taking in the fresh fall air, and had only been sitting on the steps for ten minutes when Charlie came out with one of his spare coats and draped it over my shoulders.

"Can't have you getting sick now, can we?" he'd said gruffly, before returning to work.

Edward had arrived five minutes later, whisking me away to Port Angeles for the evening. After dinner, Edward had insisted on taking a walk, and about five minutes into it, Edward had started to shiver from the cold, having left his coat in the car. I still had Charlie's with me, so after quickly finding a spot to sit to look out over the water, I'd wrapped the coat around both of us, and we had spent the next hour wrapped up warm and tight in our little cocoon.

It had been hours later, long after Edward had dropped me home and said goodnight, that I still had the coat wrapped tight around me; only it had not been for the warmth, but the amazing, calming scents of the two most important men in my life, mixed together to create a shell that I could immerse myself in and fall asleep with a content smile on my face.

Charlie cleared his throat, rousing me from my moment of reminiscence.

"Your mom and I are really proud of you, Bells. We know things haven't been easy on you, and we're so relieved to see you getting back on your feet, making decisions about your future. She did try to get here for tonight, but she couldn't get a flight on such short notice. I told her you'd call her in the morning before you left."

I drew back from Charlie slightly and nodded my head, a few tears still slipping down my cheeks. Charlie raised his hands to my face and cupped my cheeks, brushing his thumbs under my eyes to remove any stray tears.

"You're going to have a ball, kid. Make sure you remember to give your old dad a call every once in a while. I want to hear all about your travels."

"You and half of Seattle," I choked in laughter, my throat still thick with emotion.

"At least let me know you're alive. I've heard those Koala Bears are pretty dangerous …" he winked, making me laugh again.

"I'm more worried about the snakes and spiders. Blech!" I shuddered involuntarily, the very thought of creepy crawlies making my skin tingle.

Everyone laughed, breaking the tension of the room from the previous quarter of an hour, and then general conversation started up again.

Not long after, Angela and Ben announced that it was getting late and that they had to head home, Aleisha and Martin agreeing that they needed to do the same. We all rose from our places on the various pieces of furniture and made our way to the front door.

I hugged all four of them tight, promising to keep them updated regularly, and spared a few more tears as I bade them all goodnight, watching as their car taillights disappeared down the Cullen's long drive. Rose, Emmett, Alice and Jasper then decided that they were going to disappear to their respective homes too, so after gathering all our coats and belongings, the five of us plus Charlie, Jake, Carlisle and Esme stood on the front porch to say goodbye.

"We'll all be at the airport to see you off in the morning, so save your tears for then," Esme insisted, hugging me goodnight.

"You don't all need to come," I protested.

"But we want to come, so we're coming. You should know this by now," Emmett joked, ruffling my hair in affection. I batted his hand away.

"Yeah, I know … You Cullen's are all so damn stubborn," I muttered.

"That's why you fit in so well, Bella," Jasper laughed. I couldn't help but laugh along with him.

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Okay, drive home safe everyone! We'll see you tomorrow," Alice chirped, giving her parents a quick hug before dragging Jasper down the steps towards their car.

"Bye," we chorused, waving them away.

"And that'll be our cue," grinned Emmett, pulling his car keys out of his pants pocket.

Emmett hugged both Esme and I, then shook hands with his father, Charlie and Jake as Rosalie said her goodbyes. He then escorted Rosalie down the steps to their car and helped her inside.

"G'night!" he called, before we heard his door slam shut and the engine start up, then they, too were gone.

Charlie, Jake and I thanked Carlisle and Esme for their hospitality and bade them goodnight, climbing into my car and finally making our way home.

The ride home was a quiet one, the three of us content to sit in silence and reflect on the events of the evening. I heard a few snickers come from Jake in the back, no doubt remembering the Emmett fiasco. I couldn't help the grin that spread across my features knowing that Jake was happy. The night had been loads of fun and it almost made me want to stay. Almost.

I let Charlie and Jake out on the drive so they could unlock the house while I parked my car in the garage. After closing and locking the garage door, I walked up the few steps to the garage entrance to the house and unlocked the door, practically shitting myself when Jake jumped out and yelled, "BOO!"

"Jake! For crying out loud, you almost gave me a heart attack!" I cried, my hand clutching my chest as my heart thumped wildly. It felt like it was trying to escape the confines of my rib cage.

"Sorry, Bells. Couldn't resist," he smirked. "I'm not going to get the chance to do it for a long time after tomorrow, so I've got to make the most of the time I've got."

"You're an asshole."

"But you love me."

"That doesn't make you any less of an asshole," I countered. "Come on, let's go to bed. I'm exhausted."

Jake followed me into the living room, where Charlie was in the process of setting up the pull out sofa.

"Dad, why are you doing that? They spare room's all set up for you," I yawned.

Charlie looked up at me, confused.

"Isn't Jake sleeping in there?" he asked.

Crap. I hadn't realised Charlie thought Jake and I still slept in separate beds.

"Uh, no, Dad. Jake kind of … sleeps in my bed." I blushed.

Charlie's eyebrows knotted even further in confusion, clearly not understanding what my statement implied.

"Then where do you … oh."

Ding! Success at last. Poor Charlie. He looked like he'd just been hit by a bus.

"Dad, Jake and I are mature adults. We-"

Charlie held up his hand to stop me. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths.

"Bells, the less I know right now, the better. I'm just going to fold this back away, say goodnight, and retreat to the spare room to sleep the rest of the night away."

True to his word, Charlie re-folded the sofa and walked over to give me a kiss on the forehead with a murmured, "See you in the morning," before disappearing through the door of the spare room.

I turned to Jake, a little mortified.

"How is it he didn't know we were sharing a bed?" I asked in disbelief.

Jake shrugged. "Beats me. Ah well, cat's out of the bag now. Come on, let's go upstairs. We've got to get up early in the morning."

We turned off the downstairs lights, checked to make sure all the doors were locked, then both trudged up the stairs to spend our last night together. We changed into our pyjamas, brushed our teeth, and then climbed into bed together, turning off the main light and leaving only our nightstand lamps to illuminate us.

We sat on the bed, facing each other. I knew that we should have been trying to get some sleep, but it seemed like these last few minutes alone together were more precious than they appeared. I had a strange feeling that this wouldn't happen again, that after tomorrow, everything was going to change between us. I wasn't quite sure whether it was going to be a good change or a bad change. All I knew was that it wasn't going to be the same once I returned. Not one bit.

Jake reached into the drawer of his nightstand and pulled out a small, roughly hewn wooden box, tentatively handing it to me.

"What's this?" I asked curiously.

"Open it," he offered, gesturing towards it with his hand.

I complied, carefully lifting the lid. Inside the box, sitting delicately atop a small pile of blue velvet, was an oval shaped, leather key ring. I lifted the key ring carefully from the box. Stitched into the middle of the leather tab was a wolf, and underneath it five individual letters had been painstakingly stitched to form the consistent-sized shapes that made up my name. It was so utterly Jacob.

"Jacob," I breathed, "It's beautiful!"

"I made it myself," he mumbled, embarrassed. "I just wanted to give you something to remember me by."

"You know you didn't have to, right? I could never forget you!" I cried, leaning forward to hug him. "But thank you anyway. I love it."

"So … you'll use it?"

"Of course I'll use it! What's the point of having it if I'm not going to use it?" I asked, grabbing my keys of the nightstand and hooking them onto my new key ring.

I was so touched at the personal effort Jake had put into the gift. He was clearly embarrassed about it, most likely thinking I was going to laugh at him and reject something that he had obviously spent a lot of time and effort on, just for me. It was something simple and almost private; something that other people might find fascinating or beautiful, but wouldn't understand the amount of meaning behind it.

"Jake, I'm going to carry this with me everywhere. Thank you."

I sat the keys back over on my nightstand and turned to look at him, a comfortable silence overcoming us as we sat there gazing at each other.

I reached my hand up to tuck a few stray strands of hair behind my ear, but Jake caught my wrist before I could complete the task and took over with his own fingers, wrapping them gently around the back of my neck to cup my head. He quickly closed the distance between us, his heavy breath coming in short pants. I felt the warmth of his breath on my mouth before the pressure of his lips against mine wiped all coherent thought from my mind.

It was a short, simple kiss, and as Jake brought his other hand up to cup my cheek, gently stroking his thumb over the soft skin of my face, I felt a strange sense of desire overcome me. His tender touch evoked feelings in me that I thought had locked themselves away for good. Feelings I hadn't felt since I was with Edward started to seep out, washing over me and enveloping my senses.

The kiss ended and Jake touched his lips back to mine once, twice, three times, before pulling away. He kept his hands on my face, still gently stroking my cheeks, and his penetrating gaze had me mesmerized. The deep emotion in his eyes held me captive; I felt me resolve slipping even further. This boy – this man – was making it more difficult for me to leave.

"I love you, Jake," I whispered. "Please, stay safe for me. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you too."

"I'll be right here waiting for you. I love you too, Bells." He pressed his lips against mine again and pulled me into a firm but tender embrace. Burying his face in my neck, he whispered, "Once I get you back home with me, I'm never going to let you out of my sight again."

We held onto each other tightly for an extended moment, and when we separated, it was only to climb under the covers of the bed and turn out the lamps. As soon as the darkness swallowed us, we were right back in each other's arms, my face pressed up against Jake's chest as his arms enveloped me, holding me close. I felt him drop a light kiss on my forehead.

"Goodnight, Bells."

"Goodnight, Jake. Sweet dreams."

"With you, always."

It wasn't long before we both gave into exhaustion, our bodies relaxing into each other as we spent our last night together in slumber.

___________________

_Reviews make great belated birthday presents... *grins*_


	7. Chapter 6: Dreaming of a New Beginning

_Sorry for the delay, guys! This chapter just did not want to be written. I had another plot bunny steal my attention for a few days too, so until it was satisfied, this one was put on hold. This chapter isn't as long as I'd hoped it to be. Originally I had a lot more planned for it, but with the extreme lack of co-operation from both the chapter and my writing muse, I decided to end it where I did. Sorry! But I swear, this is the last of Seattle for a while. Chapter 7 begins in Sydney, Australia, and then all the fun starts. We've got new characters, new places, new relationships...hopefully you won't be disappointed!_

_Until then, I hope this little update gets you through. I don't have a set posting date for Chapter 7, but it shouldn't be too far away. =)_

_Oh, you should be able to put away the tissues now, too. *grins*_

_Huge hugs to Hannah for beta-ing. *huggles* Love ya, hun!_

_Disclaimer: SM owns 'em. I own the plot. Please don't take it.  
_

* * *

**Thinking of You**

**Chapter Six – Dreaming of a New Beginning**

The sand was soft and squishy between my toes as I strolled along the fine, damp divide where the surf met the sand. The sun was warm upon my shoulders, making me smile at the complete difference between home and my current location.

Holding my flip flops in one hand and my straw hat to my head with the other to prevent it from blowing away in the gentle ocean breeze, I looked around the beach surrounding me. It was completely deserted, excluding myself. I found that a little strange, considering how perfect the weather was for a day at the beach.

_Their loss,_ I shrugged to myself, and revelled in the relaxing peace that I currently had all to myself.

I gazed out at the ocean to my left, watching the waves crash and tumble into each other, leaving room for the larger ones to sweep over top and race to the shore, crashing into the shallows a few feet from the shoreline with a WHOOSH. The water skimmed gently over my feet, burying them slightly in the sand. As soon as the water reached its peak distance on the shore, it retreated back to where it came from, allowing the cool ocean breeze to dance over the tops of my feet for a few seconds before the next waves arrived.

After a few minutes of smiling lazily at the beautiful blue creation of Mother Nature, I turned my gaze back to the sandy beach in front of me. I jumped slightly when I realized that I was no longer alone; a solitary figure stood about a hundred yards in front of me, staring at me and un-moving, as though frozen in place. I could tell that the figure was a man, but was too far away for me to distinguish any of his features. I slowed my pace, feeling apprehensive about closing the distance between us. I continued to walk in his direction, albeit hesitantly.

As I moved closer, I was able to make out some of his features, and the more details I took in, the faster I began to move towards the man. My slow, tentative steps turned into faster, hurried strides, and then I was suddenly running at full speed towards him. I came to an abrupt halt about ten feet in front of him. I took a few tentative steps closer, drinking in everything about him.

His hair was the same colour, though much shorter and styled different. His stance was slightly more relaxed, though he remained frozen in place. His eyes, though still brilliant emerald in colour, were completely soulless and devoid of any recognition.

He was the same, yet completely different.

"Edward," I whispered, reaching my hand out to cup his cheek. The second my hand made contact with his skin though, it was as though time had both sped up and slowed down at the same time. I drew my hand back quickly and stared at it, completely confused. Where my hand had been on Edward's face, the skin had begun to droop, as if it was melting. Tearing my gaze from my hand and returning it to Edward, I found that his whole body had begun to do the same. It was as though his skin had suddenly found the sun too hot. His was now completely deformed, his eye sockets twice the normal length and hanging down where his cheeks had once been. His hands and arms were stretched, dripping down to join the puddle of melted flesh that had begun to form at his feet, which had now disappeared into the gooey mess.

I didn't know what to do. Edward was literally melting away to nothing in front of me, and all I could do was stand there and watch it happen. He was sinking further and further into the puddle, his features now completely unrecognizable as he melted like a wax figure.

Before long, the only thing that remained in front of me was a giant puddle of melted flesh, bones and clothing, the waves that hit the shore reaching in to slowly drag it out bit by bit, forcing Edward to forever rest in a watery grave.

I suddenly seemed to come back to myself and realized that I was screaming a blood-curdling scream. I began to back away from the diminishing puddle of what had been my fiancé, and started running back along the beach, tripping over my own feet and falling face-first into the sand a few times, before stumbling back to my feet to continue running.

"Bella!" a voice cried.

I stumbled again and fell into the sand, exhausted. Curling into a ball, I allowed the tears to take over.

"Bella, wake up!"

I sat up with a start, looking around for the person calling my name. It took me a few seconds to realize where I was, and when I did, I began to cry in earnest.

It was just a dream. And Edward was still gone.

Jake pulled me roughly to him, hugging me tight and rocking me back and forth in a soothing manner.

"Shh, Bells, it's okay. It was just a dream. You're okay," he murmured.

I gripped onto his shirt and sobbed into his chest, my whole body heaving with the grief I was feeling from my nightmare. It had felt so real …

"Jake, I want it to end. I don't want to feel this way anymore. I'm tired … I just want to move on!" I wailed, my sobs increasing.

"I know, Bells. I know …" he soothed, rubbing my back. He gently kissed the crown of my head and rocked me until my sobs died down. He laid us both back down in the bed and spooned me, stroking my hair and placing gentle kisses on my neck and shoulder.

"Thank you, Jake," I sniffled, gripping his arms tightly with my hands.

"Don't mention it," he mumbled. "Are you okay?"

I nodded, sniffling again. "I will be."

"Try and get some more sleep, yeah? You've got a big day ahead of you."

"Okay," I replied, knowing full well that there was no way I was going to be able to go back to sleep now. I lay there with my eyes closed, waiting until I heard Jake's breathing even out. When I knew for sure that he had fallen back asleep, I carefully extracted myself from his embrace, grabbed my bathrobe from its hook on the door, and slipped quietly from the room.

I walked downstairs, pulling my bathrobe on and tying it in the front. The door to the guest room was still closed indicating that Charlie was still asleep. I glanced at the clock over the fireplace and wasn't really surprised to find that it was a little after six o'clock. Jake wouldn't wake for hours, but Charlie would soon be rousing, as per his usual schedule. For as long as I could remember, Charlie had always been out of bed by six-thirty in the morning. His idea of a sleep-in was seven o'clock. I most definitely _did not_ take after my father in that respect.

Knowing that I didn't have much time to myself before I had to play cheerful Bella again, I quietly made my way out the back door and into the garden, my bare feet padding softly over the grass as I walked towards the swinging bench.

I sat down and let the bench swing gently back and forth with the force of my weight. Birds sang cheerfully as the sky grew ever lighter and a soft breeze began to stir.

Resting my hand on the spot where Edward used to sit, I sighed heavily, the nightmare still fresh in my mind.

"Edward …" I sighed again. "Edward, I can't do this anymore. I can't keep holding on to you like this. I love you, and always will, but-" I broke off and closed my eyes. After a moment, I rose to my feet. I walked over to the rose garden and plucked a single red rose from the flowering bush before returning to the bench.

I stood before the bench and stared at the rose for a moment. Placing a tender kiss upon the scarlet petals, I carefully laid it on Edward's side of the bench.

"My soul will never be whole without you, but until we meet again, may you rest peacefully in the knowledge that I am moving towards the happiness you wished for me."

I paused.

"Goodbye, Edward. I love you."

With one last glance at the swinging bench, I turned on my heel and made my way back into the house.

Charlie was sitting at the breakfast bar reading the newspaper when I returned indoors, a steaming mug of coffee on the bench beside him. I gave him a quick peck on the cheek as I shuffled past him on my way into the kitchen.

"'Morning, Bells," he mumbled gruffly, remnants of sleep still thick on his voice.

"Good morning, Dad. How did you sleep last night?" I asked as I began taking ingredients for breakfast out of the fridge.

Charlie sat the newspaper down in front of him and turned his gaze to me.

"Quite well, actually. That spare bed of yours works wonders. I'm thinking I may need to invest in a new mattress for my own bed at home."

"You have had it since before you married Mom," I pointed out. "I'm not surprised it gives you back problems."

"Yeah, well …" he shrugged. "How about you, kiddo? You look like you haven't even been to sleep."

Avoiding Charlie's gaze, I busied myself at the stove cracking eggs into the frypan that I had put onto the hotplate.

"I just … had one of my nightmares again last night. But I'm okay. It was – stupid …"

"Do you have these nightmares very often?" he asked, concern lacing his every word.

"I haven't had one in a few months. I guess all the alcohol last night messed up my mind a little. I'm okay, though. You don't need to worry, Dad."

"Do you want to talk about it at all?" he offered, a little uncomfortably.

I shook my head and placed some bacon into the heated pan next to the eggs. "No, it's okay. Like I said, it was stupid."

Charlie eyed me carefully. "You know … you know you can talk to me about anything, right? I'm here for you, Bells."

I sat the tongs in my hand down on the bench and turned to face Charlie. Making eye contact with him, I could see the worry and compassion that filled his brown orbs.

"I know, Dad. Thank you. But really, I'm okay. I promise." I smiled at him to seal my declaration.

He nodded and lifted the newspaper back off the countertop, returning to what had been our weekend morning ritual for years; content silence while he read his newspaper and I made us a cooked breakfast.

Charlie and I had just finished eating when Jake made his appearance. I pointed him towards his plate in the oven, and left the two men to clean up while I went upstairs to shower.

Today was the day. The new chapter of my life began today. A sudden rush of butterflies filled my stomach and made themselves at home, making me feel excited, anxious, nervous and slightly ill.

What was I doing? Three days ago I was mourning the anniversary of my deceased fiancé with no thoughts of changing anything in my life, and now here I was, about to fly to the other side of the world, alone. I didn't know anyone in Australia. I didn't know if I was going to be able to find a job, or if I was going to make any friends. I didn't know a damn thing about travelling overseas.

What was I doing?

I felt myself becoming light-headed, realizing that I was hyperventilating. Bracing myself against the shower wall, I concentrated on slowing my breaths and trying to calm myself down.

It was okay. I was going to be fine. It was just like moving to a new city, only everyone was going to be speaking with a different accent. I could do this.

I would do this. I needed this time away, this change in my life. I needed to see how the other half lived, and challenge myself. I would not be happy until I accomplished this. It's not as if I really had to worry about anything financially; I had enough money saved to support myself - unemployed - for at least five months. I just needed to be able to find enough to occupy me for a few months, and help me see what else life had to offer. Surely there was more to life than settling down in one place and sticking with a comfortable, familiar routine. Working the same job, seeing the same people, doing the same thing every weekend, eating the same thing for breakfast every day … It was like living in an undisturbed snow globe.

Today, I was going to shake up that snow globe until everything was turned upside down.

After I had talked myself out of my little panic attack, I had dressed and finished getting myself ready for the long trip that lay ahead of me. I lugged my suitcase down the stairs and wheeled it over to the door that lead into the garage. Jake then took over and loaded it into the boot of my car, ready for my small trip to the airport.

We still had a few hours to kill, as my flight didn't actually leave until twenty past two, so Charlie and Jake pulled out another board game while I called Renee to say goodbye.

Three hours later saw me standing in line at the check-in desk at SeaTac, my carry-on bag slung over my shoulder and my suitcase standing upright beside me. The line moved fairly quickly, and I was about three people away from the desk when I heard my name echo around the spacious interior of the airport, the booming voice growing louder with every repeat of my name.

"Bella!" Emmett cried one last time as he came running toward me, pushing the people in the line behind me aside and throwing himself at me. His arms ensnared me in one of his signature Emmett bear hugs, squeezing my tighter than normal and lingering slightly longer.

"Emmett," I choked, "Can't – breathe –"

He released me, leaving me gasping for breath. The passengers behind me were shooting us dirty glares, and I heard one of the check-in clerks calling out, "Next, please!"

"Hold that thought," I told Emmett, and motioned for him to join the rest of his family, who had just joined Jake and Charlie outside the roped-off queue. He bounded off and I wheeled my suitcase up to the counter, sliding my passport across the top towards the clerk.

"Isabella Swan …" she murmured, her eyes fixated on her computer screen as her fingers tapped away at the keyboard. A few minutes and one standard check-in spiel later, I had been relieved of my suitcase, had my boarding pass and passport in hand and a huge smile across my face.

"I'm so glad you all came!" I said happily, hugging each of the Cullens in greeting. Emmett slung his arm around my shoulders and ruffled my hair playfully.

"We wouldn't rather be anywhere else," he grinned.

Alice slapped him across his bicep and shot him one of her pixie death glares.

"What?" he asked, turning to her in confusion.

"Do _not_ mess up her hair! She has a long flight ahead of her, so she's already going to be looking bad enough when she gets to Australia without you adding to it!"

"Haven't you heard of a comb? It's this thing people use to- Ouch!" he cried when Alice slapped him again. "Okay! No touchy the hair. I swear, sometimes I think you're adopted … Edward and I were never as violent as you are."

Alice rolled her eyes and turned her back on him, stealing me away from his hold.

"Bella, I can't believe you're leaving _today_. How can you do this to me? See what I have to put up with?" Her expression of desperation made me snort in laughter.

"You'll be fine, Alice. You've survived your whole life with him so far, what's a few more months? You're tougher than him anyway," I explained, grinning at her.

Alice huffed and crossed her arms in front of chest, but I could see the hint of a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. Before long, a wide grin was spread across her features and she threw herself at me, her small arms wrapped tightly around my middle.

"You're going to have so much fun! I wish I was coming with you. I mean, seriously, Australia? Think about all those gorgeous surfer boys you're going to meet!" she cried, releasing Bella and jumping up and down in excitement. "You had better get some decent photos, Bella, or I will be highly disappointed."

"You do realize that I'm standing right here," Jasper said in mock offence.

Alice flicked her hand casually at him, dismissing his comment. "Jazz, you know I only have eyes for you." Turning her full attention back to Bella, she continued, "And if you don't email me about EVERYTHING I will be forced to jump on a plane and come find you. Don't think I'm joking about that, either. I will do it, Isabella Swan. I want at least one email a week."

"Yes, ma'am!" Bella mock saluted, standing to attention. Alice slapped her playfully on the arm.

"I'm serious, Bella. It's going to be so lonely here without you."

"Again, standing right here …" Jasper said.

Rolling her eyes, Alice turned around and slid into her boyfriend's arms. I couldn't help but feel a little twinge of jealousy at the sight of them together. They were so in love with each other, I was surprised that they weren't engaged yet. My best friend had found in Jasper what I had found in Edward – a soul mate. The ease in which Alice and Jasper were together was something that I didn't see in a lot of couples. It was one thing to fall in love. Finding your soul mate, however, was something entirely different. Falling in love with your soul mate was an experience unlike any other. In Edward, I had found the piece of me that I hadn't realized was missing until he entered my life. Now that he was gone, I felt that absence profoundly.

I was pulled from my musings by Rosalie, her pregnant waddle causing me to giggle as she approached me.

"Shut it, Swan," she warned, before we pulled each other into an awkward but fierce embrace. Her stomach was quite large, and with her height, hugging was a cumbersome activity.

"Alice is right, you know," Rose whispered quietly in my ear. "It's going to be so different without you around. I feel like we've only just got you back, only to have you disappear again. I've missed you, Bella."

I felt my eyes burn a little with the tears that threatened to reveal themselves. Rosalie's expression of emotion was a rare occurrence, and to have her do so at such an already highly emotion-charged moment had me struggling to keep the tears at bay. I had cried enough in the last few days; I wanted today to be a happy event, no tears allowed.

"Promise me you'll take care of yourself, and come home safe. And soon. I want my baby to know exactly how wonderful her Aunt Bella is. I want her to have a lifetime of memories with you, and for her to know how everything about her Uncle Edward. I _need_ you to come home, Bella."

Rose had tears in her eyes as she pleaded with me, the desperation in her voice making my defences crumble. A few hot tears escaped my eyes and slid over my cheeks.

Gripping Rose's hands tightly, I whispered, "I promise. Oh, Rose, I swear on my life I will come home to you."

With one last hug, Rose and I parted, Emmett pulling his sniffling wife into his arms.

"All passengers flying on Asiana Airlines flight 271 to Sydney, Australia, please proceed to gate S3 for boarding. Asiana Airlines flight 271 is now boarding at gate S3."

After the announcement of my flight, I turned to look at each member of my family with a sad smile. This was it. I was really leaving them.

Jake's strong arms swept me up into a fierce hug, his face buried deep into my hair, inhaling my scent. Wrapping my arms around him in return, I held him as tight as I physically could.

"I love you, Bells," I heard him choke quietly into my hair. "I love you so much."

Pressing kisses into the hollow of his neck, I whispered in reply, "Please don't be sad, Jake. I'll see you again soon. I promise."

We held each other for a moment longer, trying to memorize the feel of being in each other's arms. I began to release Jake, breaking the hug, knowing that he wouldn't be able to be the first to do it. We stepped apart, gripping each other's hands tightly. I stood up on my tip-toes and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips, then gave his hands one last squeeze before letting go. Swallowing the lump that had formed in my throat, I next let Charlie hug me briefly one last time, before walking towards the security gate.

I turned back to wave at them all, and made the mistake of making eye-contact with Jacob. His eyes were so full of pain and despair that it made my own heart hurt. Tears were freely pouring down his cheeks and he made no move to try to hide them; his emotions were on full display for all to see. I saw Charlie rest his hand on Jake's shoulder in comfort, and was glad that they wouldn't be alone. My boys would have each other to look after, hopefully making my absence that little bit easier to handle.

I raised my hand to my lips and blew a kiss to them all, laughing when Emmett pretended to catch it and smoosh it onto his lips. I waved one last time at them, then turned away and took a deep breath before stepping through the door to the next chapter of my life.


	8. Chapter 7: The Residents of Room 103

_HUGE thanks to the amazing **Hannah81** for her support and beta-ing prowess. I'm looking forward to Saturday, hun! An abundance of Rob and TimTams and Pina Coladas. What more could we ask for? =)_

_Sorry this chapter's taken so long to make its way to you all. What can I say? My writing muse sucks at the moment.  
My updates will be taking a little longer from now on as I've just started my new job and study through TAFE, so I've got a lot less time for writing at the moment. I will be trying to update as often as I can though! Things are just heating up for Bella in Australia... ;)_

_Thanks all of you for reading! I've jumped on MrsTheKing's reader "Thank You" train, which means Thinking of You and Windshield Water Woes will both be updated on Feb 28th! To show your appreciation for your readers, or to see if your favourite authors are on the list, head to: http: // theficbridge (dot) blogspot (dot) com / 2010 / 02 / grateful-to-readers (dot) html  
Can I just say, MTK - you're freaking awesome!_

_Disclaimer: SM owns 'em. I own the travel experiences. Please don't steal them!_

* * *

**Thinking of You**

**Chapter Seven – The Residents of Room 103**

"Okay, so here's your key card. Make sure you keep it on you at all times because you'll need it to access the main door and the door to your dorm. You're staying in dorm 103, which is just through this door here," the receptionist said, handing me a credit card sized piece of plastic emblazoned with the hostel logo and she pointed to the closed door to the left of the desk. "Take your first left down the hall and 103 will be the third door on your right. There's someone here at the desk twenty-four hours a day, so don't hesitate to come see us if you've got any problems or queries."

I took the key card from the smiling receptionist and thanked her with a smile of my own.

Though my flight had landed at seven-thirty that morning, by the time I had collected my luggage, made my way through customs, caught a train into the city and then found my hostel, it was just after ten o'clock. This meant that it was just after five o'clock in the afternoon - the previous day - Seattle time. I was exhausted. My internal clock was a mess already.

I grabbed the handle of my suitcase and began to wheel it towards the door that lead to the hostel's dormitories. I swiped my key card through the reader and pushed down on the door handle when a green light granted me access. I stepped into a brightly lit hallway lined with doors and colourful Australian landscape paintings.

Following the receptionist's directions, it took me no time at all to find my room. Swiping my key card through the reader for dorm 103, I awkwardly manoeuvred my suitcase through the door and breathed a sigh of relief when I finally made it into the room.

It took me a few seconds to realize that I wasn't alone; two young women were seated on the bottom bed of the set of bunks directly opposite the door, a map spread out over their laps. At the sound of my entry, both of their heads had shot up and friendly smiles graced their lips.

"Hi," I said quietly, ducking my head shyly. I wheeled my suitcase over to an unoccupied bed and dumped my rucksack onto it. Looking briefly around the room, I wondered what I was supposed to do next. I hadn't really planned this far ahead. All Jake and I had done back in Seattle was to book my flights and accommodation. Now that I was actually in Sydney, I was kind of at a loss as to what to do next.

"Are you right there?" asked a female voice, the Australian accent still a strange sound to my ears. "You look a bit confused."

I turned around to face the women and smiled.

"Yes and no," I replied, unsure about how I actually felt. I ran my fingers through my tousled, in-desperate-need-of-a-wash hair. "I'm feeling a bit dazed."

"That'll be the jet lag," the same voice laughed. It belonged to the smaller of the two women. She appeared to be slightly under average height, but well-built with a shock of bright blue, short-cropped hair. The woman beside her looked to be quite a bit taller - thought it was hard to tell with them both sitting down - and she had a more slender figure, her hair a much tamer, layered style, and a more natural auburn colour.

"A good night's sleep and you'll be good as gold! I'm Tilly, by the way, and this is Sara," the blue-haired woman added, nodding to the woman next to her. She extended her hand to me.

"Bella," I said as I stepped forward and shook both women's hands.

"So what part of the States are you from?" Sara enquired politely

I took a few steps back and sat down on my bed.

"Washington," I answered. "Or more specifically, Seattle."

"I've never been to Washington," Tilly said. "Spent a week in New York once though. Hated it. Too many snobby city folk. Sara and I are from Brisbane, up in Queensland. We're just down here on holiday for a few days. What brings you to Sydney?"

Tilly's enthusiasm was similar to Alice's. That was where their similarities ended though; Tilly appeared to be the complete opposite of Alice. The blue, maintenance-free hair was one example. Her ripped jeans, chucks, and complete lack of jewelry and make-up was another.

"I … just needed a bit of a change. I haven't had a vacation in a while, so I thought I'd come see Australia before I had too many responsibilities tying me down." I hoped that my answer would satisfy her. I really did not want to delve into that subject any further, not on my first day in the country and especially not with two strangers while I was so weary.

"Ah, I hear you. Sara and I plan on doing a trip over your way sometime next year for the same reason. We're young, we're free … why not?" she laughed. "How long do you plan on staying here in Sydney? You can tag along with Sara and me if you want. We don't head back to Brisbane until Friday night."

"That'd be nice, thanks. I'm not entirely sure how long I'm staying, to be honest with you. I thought maybe I'd stay here for a few weeks, and then start looking for a job …"

Tilly jumped off the bed suddenly, a large smile stretched across her face.

"You should come back to Brisbane with us! I can hook you up with a job in the hostel I manage, and we can take you out and show you around the town … ah, it'd be great! Brisbane's so much nicer than Sydney."

I was suddenly feeling a little overwhelmed. Tilly's offer sounded great, but I had only just arrived in the country and all I could really focus on was taking a nap. My head was swimming from the onslaught of my new surroundings.

"I – Tilly, thanks for the offer, but I think I need to clear my head before I make any decisions. All I want to do right now is have a shower and pass out for a few hours. Maybe we can meet up for dinner later?" I offered.

"Oh god, yeah, sorry! I didn't even think …"

"Tilly and I were just about to head out," Sara cut in. "We'll leave you in peace to settle in." Her warm smile made me like her instantly, though she had barely said a word since meeting her.

"Enjoy your nap! We'll see you later tonight," said Tilly.

Sara folded up their map while Tilly grabbed a small rucksack off the bed, and both gave me a smile and a wave before they exited the room, leaving me alone.

The silence was welcoming, and way too tempting. I could feel my eyelids growing heavy with sleep, and the longer I sat on my bed, the more I wanted to just curl up and sleep away the next few hours.

Then I remembered how dirty I felt and that I hadn't showered in over twenty-four hours. I sighed heavily and moved my suitcase to an empty, out-of-the-way space at the foot of the bed. I fished around and quickly grabbed out my favourite pair of sweat pants and a comfortable tank top, unburied my toiletry bag, and then padded over to the shared bathroom attached to the dorm.

A long hot shower and one decent hair-washing later, I unceremoniously dumped my toiletry bag and dirty clothes on top of my suitcase and hung my towel over the end of my bed. Not caring that my hair was still wet, I climbed into my creaky bottom bunk and pulled the covers up to my chin. I was asleep within seconds of my head hitting the pillow.

I woke a few hours later to the sounds of shuffling feet and rustling plastic. I opened my eyes enough to squint around the room, but everything was dark and blurry. Rubbing my eyes with my hands a few times, I re-opened my eyes and found that everything was a lot clearer and in focus.

Tilly and Sara hadn't returned yet, however a new person had moved into the set of bunks beside mine and had spread what looked like the entire contents of their backpack on their bed.

I slowly sat up in bed and ran my fingers through my knotted, slightly damp hair. I had known that I was going to regret sleeping on it wet. It would just take me a little longer than usual to tame it before going out for dinner tonight.

My bed creaked as I moved in it, alerting my roommate to my presence. She turned her head quickly to look at me, a small expression of surprise on her face.

"I'm sorry, I did not mean to wake you," she said in heavily accented English. She sounded European, her tanned skin, jet black hair and foreign beauty supporting my theory.

"It's okay. I had to get up a-anyway," I yawned. I smiled sleepily at her. "I'm Bella."

"I am Emilya. You are American, no?"

"Yes, I'm from Seattle. I'm sorry, but I can't quite place your accent."

Emilya chuckled a little and her eyes sparkled with understanding.

"I get that more often than you would think," she grinned. "I am from Bulgaria. Seattle is a very nice city. I lived there for six months a few years ago."

Emilya's admission somewhat eased the disquiet I was feeling about my new surroundings. The stunning Bulgarian had something in common with me, even if it was just a place of residence. I didn't feel so alone in this strange city anymore.

"Which part of Seattle did you live in?" I asked out of curiosity, interested to see if she had lived anywhere near me.

"I lived on campus at the University of Washington. I was there on part of an international exchange program."

I gasped. "You're joking? How long ago were you there?"

Emilya bit her lower lip in contemplation. "Er … three years? Yes. I was in my second year of study."

I could not believe it. This stranger, this Bulgarian woman I had just met in a small hostel in the heart of Sydney, had attended my university. What a small freaking world. I'd heard of stories like this, people meeting strangers that they discovered they had crossed paths with at a different time in their lives, in a different country, but to experience it first hand was just bizarre. Especially seeing as I was half-way across the world and I hadn't even been here for twelve hours yet. It was a little hard to wrap my head around.

I laughed in disbelief.

"What is so amusing?" Emilya asked, her head cocked in confusion.

"I was studying at UW at the same time! I majored in English Literature," I explained.

"Really? Wow … I wonder if we ever passed each other in the hallways?" she mused.

We looked at each other for a second and then burst into laughter at the absurdness of our situation.

"Sounds like we're missing out on a party in here …" Tilly's voice sounded over our astonished amusement.

She and Sara entered the room and closed the door behind them, their curious gazes locked on Emilya and I. My laughter died down, but the huge grin on my face remained.

"What'd we miss?" Tilly asked, pulling a stool over from beside the bathroom door. She placed it between Emilya's bed and mine in order to look at us both. Sara, meanwhile, excused herself quietly to the bathroom.

"Emilya and I just discovered an amusing fact about each other," I said, casually waving my hand to indicate its lack of real importance to her. "How was your day?" I asked.

A look of excitement crossed Tilly's face, her blue hair really enhancing the joy in her features.

"Oh god, we had the best afternoon!" she exclaimed. "We thought we'd go wander around the Rocks for a bit, grab some lunch, take a few photos, you know … we basically just wanted to chill out for a while. So we were sitting on this ferry on the harbour, right, taking some stupid random photos for our blog, and these really _gorgeous_ guys were watching us, apparently entertained by the poses we were pulling. I was standing on one of the seats by the edge for one of the photos, and the ferry hit this big wave causing me to lose my footing, but before I could go arse-up over the side, Mr Tall, Dark and Heroic swept in and saved me from my almost-swim with Nemo. I swear, I almost died just looking at him!" she breathed. How she managed to spit out that entire story in one breath amazed me. "It took me a few minutes to reconnect my brain with my other senses after he caught me, but when I did, oh Mary mother of Jesus, I almost took him right there on the deck of the ferry! He'd started to say something to me when he caught me, and I could see his lips moving, but all I could hear was the pounding of my heart. But when his voice came through … it was like I'd died and gone to heaven," she swooned.

I fought hard to stifle the giggles that threatened to escape my lips. I barely knew a thing about this woman, yet here she was acting as though we were the best of friends. She was clearly a very open and trusting person.

"I'm sensing there's more to this story," I encouraged.

Tilly nodded enthusiastically and continued. "So anyway, after he helped me down and made sure I was steady on my feet, he dragged Sara and me over to his mates. We found out the four of them were Finnish uni students here on holiday for a few weeks. We chatted to them until the ferry reached their stop, and Niilo, that's Mr TDH, kissed my hand like a fucking gentleman and snuck a scrap of paper into my palm! He whispered something in my ear about meeting up for drinks or something, but my brain was mush from how close he was to me to fully comprehend what he said. I mean, he gave me his fucking number! I just want to phone sex the Finnish right out of him," she sighed.

"That's because you're easy, Til. You've gone too long without any kind of sex," Sara stated as she walked out of the bathroom.

"Hey, not true! There was that Spanish guy in Brisbane a few weeks back …"

Sara rolled her eyes. "Doesn't count. Technically, you didn't bang him."

"We were drunk, naked, and there was penetration. It counts."

"He passed out on top of you. He didn't even fully enter the Pink Palace before he was snoring in your ear."

"I tell you way too much about my sex life," Tilly muttered.

"You tell everyone way too much about your sex life. Bella's probably not even going to want to join us for dinner now," Sara said, winking in my direction.

I couldn't help it. The giggles erupted from my chest, pouring out in a huge wave of hysteria as I fell back on my bed. I couldn't remember the last time I felt this free and happy in a room full of strangers. I was surrounded by crazies and enjoying every moment of it. I loved Australia already.

A highly entertaining hour and a half later found the four of us stepping out of the hostel, all rugged up in winter coats and scarves and wandering casually along the streets of Sydney in search of a decent restaurant for dinner. We ended up in a small bar not too far from the hostel. They served hot meals and alcoholic beverages, and the atmosphere was quite calm and friendly. It suited our needs perfectly, so that's where we stayed for the next few hours.

The bar was a cozy little place. The dining area was separated from the bar by a low partition, which was folded back at the end of food service to allow for more room for the drinking patrons. The booth that we sat at for dinner was in a corner near one of the front windows, giving us a beautiful view of the city street outside, the Harbour Bridge just visible through a gap between buildings. The red plush seating and wooden furniture mixed with the dull yellow lighting gave the whole room a warm, homey kind of feeling.

Tilly and Sara sat on one side of the booth, while Emilya and I sat on the other. After placing our meal orders, we settled into comfortable conversation, getting to know each other a little better. The more we talked, and the more alcohol we consumed, the more we began to divulge personal stories of home and our friends and family. I hadn't quite reached the stage where I felt I could tell them about Edward, but I didn't think I really needed to at this point. I was here in Australia to move on, so moving on was what I planned to do. Talking about that part of my life would only put a downer on the night anyway, and I didn't want to do that on my first night out with my new friends.

So Tilly shared amusing stories of different residents she'd had through her hostel, Emilya filled us in on some of the different countries she had lived in or visited over the years - she and I filling the other two in on our Seattle connection – while I told them about Alice's entrepreneurial tendencies, Rose and Emmett's impending parenthood, and my other friends back home in Seattle. Sara didn't speak much; Tilly spoke more than enough for the two of them, so she just laughed at the amusing parts and made a comment or two where she deemed necessary.

I soon learned that Tilly and Sara were as opposite as two people could get, and yet their friendship was as strong as anything. Tilly was the loud, outrageous, don't-give-a-damn tomboy whereas Sara was more reserved, calm and slightly more feminine. They balanced each other out perfectly and I found myself really enjoying their entertaining company.

Emilya was more of a free spirit, and although we got along really well, we both knew that it was likely we would not see each other ever again. She was leaving for Western Australia the next day on the next leg of her journey, and instead of collecting numerous friends on Facebook or other social networking sites, she collected photos and memories of the people and places that had made up her travel adventures. She was in the mind that if you were supposed to see someone again, it would happen through the course of fate. Who was I to argue with that? Tonight would just be another happy memory she would add to her travel scrapbook, and whenever she thought about her last night in Sydney, I would be a part of that. It was a nice thought.

After dinner and a multitude of vodka and oranges, wine spritzers, and post-dessert Jaeger Bombs, Tilly had decided that we needed to move onto something a little more rebellious. She disappeared to the bar to order us a round of shots, of which she would not divulge the nature of to us. As if we weren't drunk enough already. I just hoped it wasn't tequila. Unfortunately, my hope was in vain.

"Ladies! Who's ready for some Mexican Gold?" shouted Tilly as she returned to the table. She held a tray containing four shot glasses of clear liquid, a plate of lemon and a salt shaker. I almost vomited. She was clearly trying to kill me.

"I am NOT doing tequila," I said.

"Yes you are, Bella! Tequila shots are just the beginning!" Tilly replied.

I shook my head vehemently. No way in hell was I conceding. "I've had enough. If I drink anymore alcohol, I will throw up. Seriously."

"You Americans. You're all weak …" she goaded, a teasing smirk on her face.

"Not working, Tilly. I don't do tequila, full stop."

"Ah, come on! Just one?"

I shook my head again.

"Til, leave her alone. If she doesn't want to do it, she doesn't do it. Stop trying to force her," Sara scolded, swaying slightly in her seat. It was quite clear that none of us needed any more alcohol, especially shots of hard liquor. I was struggling to stay focused on anything as it was. If I drank anything other than water right now I was going to end up on the floor. The smell of the tequila was wafting over in my direction and that was enough to make my stomach turn.

"I'm going to the bathroom," I said weakly, escaping from the booth. I dashed quickly to the door near the bar that led to the bathrooms, pushed the door to the ladies open, and practically threw myself into one of the stalls. I felt myself heave a little, but not enough to actually throw up. Lowering the lid of the toilet, I sat on top of it and took a few deep breaths to calm myself and my rolling stomach. Once I felt like I could move without my dinner revisiting me, I exited the stall and went to stand in front of the sinks.

I splashed some cold water on my face and looked up into the mirror; a drunken stranger stared back at me. I could barely recognize myself. It had been so long since I had actually put on a little make-up and gone out drinking that my flushed cheeks and slightly bloodshot eyes were almost foreign. That wasn't the most disconcerting thing about my appearance though. Even after spending a good five to ten minutes trying not to be sick, a stupid, happy smile still graced my features. I really, truly was enjoying myself. I had not quite caught up on sleep, and I really hadn't had a chance to stop and think about what opportunities and adventures lay ahead of me, but for now, I was happy. I had made some new friends, I was drunk, and I had a smile on my face, all on my first night in Australia. Already my life was looking up.

Deciding that I felt well enough to return to the public eye, I exited the bathroom. I stepped up to the bar to wait for the bartender to serve me.

"Do you come here often?" a deep, sexy voice asked from my left. I turned my head a little to find a gorgeous specimen of a man seated on the stool beside me. He was the epitome of the stereotypical Aussie surfer hunk; sandy blonde hair that was tousled in a way that looked as though he had just stepped off a windy beach, bright blue eyes that sparkled like diamonds, and a sexy, swoon-worthy smirk that I'm sure managed to lure many a woman into his bed.

I shook my head at him, unable to help the small blush that rose in my already flushed cheeks.

"Shame," he said quietly. "I'm Dan."

"Bella," I replied softly, shaking his hand.

"Can I buy you a drink, Bella?" he asked politely.

"You can get me a glass of water," I smiled.

At that moment, a loud thump sounded from across the room, followed by an outburst of drunken laughter. Dan and I both whipped our heads around to see what the commotion was.

Sara had managed to fall between the table and the bench, her flailing legs the only visible part of her body in the booth. Tilly and Emilya had their heads thrown back in laughter as Sara struggled to right herself.

"You'd better make that a pitcher of water," I laughed, shaking my head at the antics of my new friends.

Dan handed me a glass of icy water. "Friends of yours?" he asked, amused.

"You could say that," I replied. I took a few sips of the water as Dan leaned over the bar to place an order with the bartender. Once he resumed his position on the bar stool, he sat back and appraised me for a moment.

"You don't strike me as the kind of woman to spend much time in places like this."

I shrugged at him. "I haven't done it in a long time. It's kind of refreshing."

"You're obviously not a native," he smirked.

"Whatever gave you that impression?" I teased, smiling slyly at him.

"You just don't have the same aura around you. I don't know exactly what it is. You just seem a lot more …"

"American?" I laughed. He chuckled.

"Well, yeah, your accent kind of gave that away. But that's not what I meant. You're … a nice change from the norm," he said. Some women might have thought that was just a pick-up line, but he seemed to genuinely mean it. I blushed.

The bartender sat a large pitcher of water and four empty glasses on the bar, shot me a friendly smile, and then disappeared to serve another customer. I placed my now empty glass down on the bar and reached to pick up the pitcher and glasses.

"Want some help with those?" Dan offered.

I shook my head and smiled. "I'm sure I can manage. It was nice to meet you, Dan."

"Likewise," he replied. "If you ever come back here, keep an eye out for me."

I bit my lip and nodded coyly. "Thanks for the water."

He winked at me in response. Blushing furiously, I turned my back on him and made my way back over to the booth where Tilly, Sara and Emilya were all staring at me with excited grins.

I sat the pitcher of water in the middle of the table and handed each of them a glass, before taking my seat and pouring some water for myself.

"He is so into you, Bella," Tilly said, vibrating slightly in her seat.

"He was just being friendly."

"He was checking you out! Did you get his number?"

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not really ready for any … _male attention_ right now."

"How can you not want to take _that_ for a spin?"

"I'd really rather not discuss it tonight," I said brusquely. "I think we should head back to the hostel. It's getting rather late."

I drained my glass of water and made to stand up. I felt Sara place her hand on my forearm, halting me.

"Are you okay, Bella?" she asked quietly. Tilly and Emilya were staring at me strangely.

"I'm fine. I just need to get some sleep," I said, shrugging off her hand.

"Why don't you stay just a little bit longer? Then we'll all walk back together. I don't want you walking back by yourself," Sara said, a look of concern on her face.

I stared at her for a moment before collapsing back into the booth. I really was exhausted, and Tilly's questioning of Dan made me uncomfortable; thoughts of Edward were beginning to creep into my mind, putting a damper on my mood. I had had such a great night, and I really hadn't wanted it to end this way.

"I'll stay. Just please; don't ask me anything more about Dan or men in general. I don't want to delve into that issue tonight. Okay?"

The three of them nodded in understanding. Sara topped up our glasses of water and we sat in silence for a few minutes.

"His name was Dan?" Tilly asked with raised eyebrows.

"So, what's our plan for tomorrow?" Sara cut in quickly, changing the subject and shooting Tilly a disapproving glare.

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_Reviews are a like food to my writing muse. Please feed it! =)_


	9. Chapter 8: Dazzling Dan's Domain

_*gasps* Can it be? She's updated! I know, I know, I've been really fail at updating lately...truth is, Bella's been a bitch. This chapter just did not want to be written. You can thank the Easter Bunny for its completion though - had a sudden writing inspiration on Sunday night. =) That Easter Bunny is one awesome rabbit..._  
_Apologies for the wait though. I know how much it sucks when you have to wait ages between updates on fics. Thanks for your patience!_

_Okay, so I've got some EXCITING NEWS! But I'll save it for the end notes. Make sure you check them out after you've finished reading. It relates to an exciting **Fandom Gives Back** event. =)_

_Huge thanks to my awesome friend and beta Hannah81, who just rocks, plain and simple. *hugs*_

_To Cassie, who pre-reads my shit and makes me laugh, well ... pretty much all the time. =p Love you, hun!_

_To Kason08 and Melee03 who review every. single. chapter. Thanks guys! I look forward to reading your reviews!_

_And to the awesome Alex - this one's for you, hun! Your excitement over my story inspires me to keep writing it. *tacklehugs*_

_Now, on with the chapter..._

* * *

**Thinking of You**

**Chapter Eight – Dazzling Dan's Domain**

For the few days following my encounter with Dan, Tilly became increasingly curious about my apparent "aversion of men," as she put it. I told her that when I felt like I could talk to her about it, I would, but for now I just wanted to enjoy my time in Sydney. The knowledge that I would eventually tell her seemed to appease her somewhat, but it didn't stop her from trying to convince me to return to the bar that we had gone to that first night. She was unwavering in her belief that Dan and I had met for a reason, and that reason wasn't just a brief exchange of words in a bar with a lack of exchanging numbers, never to see each other again. She was adamant that Dan and I had a chemistry that was destined for more.

Basically, she was trying to play match-maker.

How she came to this conclusion upon observing our short exchange of words from afar was beyond me. I honestly didn't think that I would see him again, even if we did go back to the bar. I was quite happy to leave things as they were; a friendly encounter with a good-looking, water supplying, flirtatious man that had made my first night in Australia a delightful one. I certainly wasn't looking for anything with Dan, although I did have to admit that he was highly attractive.

Still, Tilly was relentless and I found myself being dragged back to the bar on Thursday night.

Thursday had been a very busy day for Tilly, Sara and me. The whole week had been, really. After saying our goodbyes to Emilya on Tuesday morning, the three of us had ventured out onto the cold streets of Sydney to begin what had turned out to be an exhausting few days of sight-seeing. Come Thursday afternoon, I was a wreck. In no state to come up with a good reason why we should _not_ return to the bar that Tilly had labelled, "Dazzling Dan's Domain," I had no choice but to concede to Tilly's pressuring.

The three of us entered the bar around sunset, the orange hue of the sky making the inside of the bar appear even more homey and welcoming than it had on Monday night. Tilly's gaze flew straight to the bar in search of the mop of sandy blonde locks that she was so eager to see again. Sara just rolled her eyes and headed off towards the booth by the window that we had occupied last time. When Tilly's search appeared fruitless, she turned to me with a disappointed shrug.

"Maybe he'll be here later?" she offered, a hint of hope in her voice.

I shrugged my shoulders back at her with a small smile; however, as soon as she turned her back on me to go join Sara, I felt my chest sink a little. A little part of me had been hoping that Dan would be here, and the lack of his presence actually caused a twinge of disappointment – one that I hadn't counted on – to settle inside me.

It was a little confusing.

I glanced quickly at the bar, just to make sure that Tilly hadn't overlooked Dan, then followed her to the booth and slid in next to Sara. The three of us found that we were actually quite famished after our day out in the city, so we decided to stay at the bar for dinner and unwind from the day.

Around two hours later, the three of us were well on our way to becoming the drunken lunatics that had surfaced on Monday night.

"Bella, it's your shout!" Tilly cried, shaking her empty glass in front of me. "Get your arse up there and get me a refill, bitch! I can feel myself sobering up already…"

I mock saluted her and stumbled out of the booth, gripping the edge of the table for a few seconds to steady myself before turning on my heel and making my way up to the bar.

"Well, this is a nice surprise," came a familiar voice from my left. I felt a huge wave of déjà vu wash over me and my stomach flipped excitedly.

Turning my head to my left, I couldn't help the small chuckle that escaped my lips. The positions that Dan and I were in were almost an exact replica of our first meeting; he was seated on the same stool, his hair still had that wind-blown, just-stepped-off-the-beach appearance, his eyes still shimmered like clear blue pools – pools that I felt myself drowning in the longer I gazed into them – and his grin? It made me a little weak in the knees.

"You came back," Dan spoke again, surprise evident in both his words and his expression.

"More like I was coerced," I replied with a laugh. "My friend Tilly is very persistent." I waved my hand over to the booth where Sara and Tilly were staring raptly in our direction. They hastily turned their heads away when they realized that Dan and I were both looking back at them. I laughed and shook my head in amusement as I turned my gaze back to Dan, who was already smiling back at me.

"Remind me to buy her a drink later," he said with a wink. "I definitely owe her one."

I felt my cheeks heat up and ducked my head in embarrassment, but Dan was having none of it. He slid his forefinger under my chin and gently raised my face back up to meet his penetrating gaze.

"Hey, enough of that. Your face is too beautiful to hide away."

At his touch, I felt a little tingle where his skin connected with mine. It wasn't much, but it was something that I hadn't felt in a while, and I found myself excited at the prospect.

"You're such a smooth-talker," I mumbled, and he laughed.

"I do try," he said with an amused shrug. A small giggle escaped my lips, causing my hands to instantly fly up to cover my mouth. I did _not_ giggle. I wasn't one of those girls. Those girls wore cute little skirts, and mountains of make up and jewelry, and carried little rat dogs in their circus-tent-sized handbags. I didn't even own a handbag.

I _giggled_. Oh, how embarrassing.

Before either of us could speak again, thankfully, the bartender slid to a halt in front of us with a cheerful grin on his face.

"What can I get you folks tonight?" he asked.

"Can I please get one vodka orange, one rum and Coke, a vodka cranberry with fresh lime, and three shots of Jaeger?" I asked.

"Add a Jack and Coke and another shot of Jaeger to that," Dan added over my shoulder.

The bartender nodded in agreement and started pulling out glasses from under the bar.

A silence hung between Dan and me as we watched the bartender at work. It wasn't an awkward silence as such, but its presence was definitely one I could feel. I sneaked a quick look at Dan from the corner of my eyes to find him staring at me with a look I couldn't quite decipher. Turning my face to look at him directly, I raised my eyebrows at him questioningly.

"I'm really glad you came back. I didn't expect to see you again."

The look of pure joy on his face made my heart melt a little inside. He looked so adorable right now in his vulnerable state.

"You almost didn't," I stated truthfully. "I wasn't sure you were being serious the other night. To be honest with you, I was kind of hoping you weren't …"

I watched the light fade a little from Dan's eyes at my words. Shit.

"Any particular reason for that?"

I sighed. "It's a long story."

"I've got plenty of time," he offered.

"I'd rather not talk about it right now," I said quietly. "I swear, it's nothing to do with you."

"But?"

I dropped my head to my chest and took a deep breath before raising my gaze back to his.

"You seem to be an amazing guy, Dan, but long story short, I lost my fiancé in a car accident a few years ago, and I'm still not ready for anything more than friendship right now. That's why I came to Australia; to move on. Please don't think it's because I'm not interested in you. It's actually the complete opposite," I said, surprising myself with my blatant honesty. I was never usually this forward with anyone, let alone with a guy I had spent no more than ten minutes with total. The fact that I was actually admitting my attraction to him while knowing nothing but his name and where he liked to drink at the end of the day was quite a shock to me.

"So you do actually like me, then?" he asked innocently with a hint of a smirk.

"Shut up," I mumbled, unable to hide the smile tugging at my lips. I gave his arm a shove and turned back to the bar where the bartender was setting our drinks up in front of us.

"That'll be thirty-eight dollars," he said.

I reached into my pocket to dig out some cash, but Dan beat me to it. He was handing a fifty over the bar before my fingers had even made contact with the bright-colored plastic notes in my jeans.

"You don't have to do that-" I started to protest, but he cut me off.

"I owe your friend, remember? And besides, I think bringing you here has earned her more than one drink."

"Dan …" I sighed, a pleading look on my face.

"Bella …" he retorted. "It's just a friendly gesture, nothing more. I promise."

Studying him for a moment – his right hand raised in a three-finger scout salute and his eyes twinkling with happiness – I came to the conclusion that he was being honest. He was so amazing that, without a second thought, he was honoring my wishes about friendship. He wasn't going to pressure me into something I didn't want, and that only made me like him even more.

God damn, this man was going to make it so hard for me to leave Sydney tomorrow.

"Thank you," I said softly with a smile. "Would you like to join us? I think Tilly would strangle me if I didn't introduce you to her."

Dan laughed and reached to pick up the tray of drinks off the bar. "I would be honored. It would be extremely un-friend-like of me to allow you to walk into a death sentence."

"You do realize that I'm extremely embarrassed right now, don't you? I'm not usually this forward with someone I've only just met," I told him.

"Don't be embarrassed. I like it," he winked.

"Oh, come on," I laughed, leading him over towards the booth where Sara and Tilly were seated.

The rest of the night passed by in blur of laughter, Jaegermeister shots, and embarrassing stories. It seemed that, the more liquor we ingested, the more our internal filters shut off. Some of the stuff coming out of Tilly's mouth was just plain vulgar, but I couldn't find it in myself to care; even with some of the other patrons of the bar laughing at us or shooting disgusted glares in our direction.

At around one-thirty, the bartender came over to our booth to inform us that the bar would soon be closing. I looked around and was surprised to see that, apart from the four of us and the bartender, only two other people remained. I saw Dan look down at his watch quickly, a frown suddenly forming on his face as he realized what the time was.

"Shit," he cursed quietly, running his fingers roughly through his hair.

"What's wrong?" I asked, clumsily placing my hand on his forearm. My vision and co-ordination were something to be desired in my drunken state.

He shook his head. "Nothing. I just didn't realize how late it was. I have to work tomorrow … or should I say today. I need to get home," he said sadly.

"Oh," I said, slumping back into my seat. The knowledge that our night was fast drawing to a close made my heart sink. I was only just starting to get to know Dan and if I wanted to be really honest with myself, I really didn't want to say goodbye to him just yet. I felt like I shouldn't be feeling so attached to a virtual stranger, but something inside me was telling me that maybe Tilly was right; maybe Dan and I were destined for more?

I was so confused. On the one hand, I knew that I wasn't ready for anything romantically; especially seeing as I'd only just left Jake behind in Seattle. I felt guilty about feeling something for another man, even though Jake and I weren't technically together. But on the other hand, I couldn't help the way my mind, or my body, reacted to Dan's presence. I wasn't throwing myself at him, nor would I ever stoop to that with any man, but I couldn't not think about what the future might hold for us.

I was in deep and I'd only been in Australia for four days.

Dan's gentle tug on my hands snapped me out of my musings.

"Are you feeling okay, Bella?"

I nodded in reply. "Yeah. I was just … lost in thought. Alcohol tends to mess with my concentration."

Dan laughed as he helped me to my feet. Tilly and Sara had already started to make their way to the door, leaning heavily on each other for support. Clearly I wasn't the only one affected by the number of drinks we had consumed.

Dan and I followed them out of the bar and stepped into the cold late night air of the city. The streets were well lit by the street lights, which cast a yellow glow over the pavement surrounding us. Even though it was well after midnight on a Thursday, the streets still hummed with life and the air was filled with raucous laughter, the growl of traffic, and the occasional sound of smashing glass and shrieking car alarms.

I pulled my coat tighter around my body and shivered at the light breeze that swirled around us. Noticing my actions, Dan wrapped an arm around my shoulder and pulled me into his side.

"This better?" he asked.

"Much," I said with a smile. The warmth of his body and his thoughtful gesture helped dispel the cold instantly. "Thank you."

We walked in silence for a few minutes, keeping a short distance between us and my two giggling roommates, who kept sneaking what they obviously thought were covert glances back at us.

"So, you're leaving tomorrow?"

Dan's question was laced with sadness, the quiet volume of his voice indicating that the subject wasn't something he really wanted to discuss, yet he knew it was his only chance to do so.

I wrapped my arm around his waist and pulled myself closer to him before replying with a quiet, "Yes."

He sighed and I felt his arm tighten around me slightly.

"I wish you weren't. I'd really like to spend more time getting to know you."

"I feel the same," I admitted. "I know I've only just met you, but I feel like … I feel like I've known you a lot longer than a few hours. When I'm around you, it just feels …" I struggled to think of the word I was looking for.

"Comfortable?" suggested Dan. I nodded.

"Yeah. I don't feel like I need to be someone I'm not. Then again, I've only seen you when I've been drinking, so maybe I'd feel different when I'm sober. But somehow I don't believe that."

Dan chuckled. "You're a refreshing change, Bella. You're quite unlike any other girl I've met. I've lived here in Sydney all my life, and I'm surrounded every day by girls who think they need to wear clothes or makeup to transform them into someone else; they dress and act to impress, to make people like them. That annoys me. I despise people who lack individuality and sense of self. These city girls are all the same, clones of each other. You're not like that at all. I've seen more of who you are in a few hours than I saw in my ex-girlfriend in the four years we were together."

I blushed at his words. "I'm not very good at concealing my thoughts or emotions."

I felt myself lurch forward a little as Dan stopped walking abruptly. He turned to face me, placing both of his hands on my shoulders.

"Bella, I meant that as a compliment. I love that you're so open. Tonight has been the most fun night I've had in a long time, and I'm not just saying that to be nice. I truly have enjoyed myself with you and the girls. I wish you could stay."

Before I could think about what I was saying, I heard myself blurt out, "Come to Brisbane with us!" When it registered in my mind what I'd said, my hands flew to my mouth in shock.

"I'd love to," Dan chuckled, rolling his eyes at my embarrassment, "but unfortunately I've got a job that I'm stuck in right now. I could come visit though."

"I'd like that," I replied, smiling shyly up at him.

Dan resumed his position beside me, arm wrapped around my shoulders again, and we walked the last few hundred feet to the hostel where Tilly and Sara were waiting. We stopped a few feet in front of them and they giggled.

"Come on, Bella, we have to get up early enough to pack tomorrow! We're going hoooooome!" Tilly cried into the night, breaking into giggles as Sara tried to shush her.

"You girls go inside. I'll be in soon," I told them, waving them inside the door.

"DAN! You're awesome! You should come party with us again sometime!" Tilly practically shouted. She threw herself on Dan in a drunken hug, stumbling as she lost her footing and almost knocking Dan over. Luckily he was fairly steady on his feet and gripped Tilly's hips to help her regain her balance.

"Whoa! Careful there, Tilly. You should warn a guy before you try mounting him in the street," Dan winked.

Tilly roared with laughter and gave his shoulder a forceful shove in what she must have thought was a playful gesture. Dan staggered backwards at the force. Stepping up close to him, Tilly suddenly became serious and pointed a finger at him in warning.

"No funny business with my Bella here, do you hear? You say your goodbyes and go on home like a good boy. I like you, Dan, but if you use your charming ways to convince her to accompany you anywhere for a little 'last night in Sydney hanky panky,' I will hunt you down. Got it?"

She looked so serious, her five-foot-three frame hardly conducive to intimidating Dan's towering five-foot-eleven build.

Dan mock saluted her.

"You have my word, ma'am. No hanky panky."

"Good. It was nice to meet you, Dan. Bella, you've got ten minutes before I come out looking for you," Tilly warned, before turning on her heel and grabbing Sara by the wrist to drag her inside.

"G'night Tilly, Sara!" Dan called after them.

"Goodnight!" came Sara's voice faintly as the door closed behind them.

Dan turned to look at me; we stared at each other in silence for a moment before bursting into laughter.

"I can't believe I agreed to follow them to Brisbane," I breathed, my lungs stinging a little from the cold night air. "Am I crazy?"

"Based on what I've just witnessed … yes, I'd say you are. But only a little," he winked in reply.

I sighed. "Is it too forward of me to say that I'll miss you?"

"Why don't you stay here? I'd be more than happy to let you crash on my couch while you got yourself sorted."

"I can't, Dan," I said quietly, my chest aching a little as I did. "Don't get me wrong, I've had a wonderful time here, but I just don't feel like it's the right place for me to stay. I've got a good feeling about Brisbane."

Dan stepped forward and took my hands in his.

"Can't fight those gut feelings," he said with a small smile. "You'll keep in touch though, right?"

I nodded enthusiastically. "Definitely! Where's your cell? I'll give you my number."

Dan pulled his cell phone out of his jeans pocket and handed it to me; I entered my Australian number, prank called myself, and then handed the phone back to him.

"There we go! Now we have no excuse," I grinned.

"I'm going to miss you, Bella," he said softly, wrapping his arms around me in a tight hug. I slid my arms around his middle and hugged him in return.

"I'll miss you too, Dan."

We stood silent in our embrace for a moment, savoring the warmth and peace our contact provided.

"Travel safe tomorrow," Dan said as we withdrew from each other's arms. "Send me a text when you get there."

"I will," I replied. I stood up on my tip-toes to kiss him gently on the cheek. "Goodnight. Thanks for the pleasure of your company tonight."

"The pleasure was all mine."

With one last smile and a kiss to my forehead, Dan turned on his heel and strode off down the street, leaving me standing alone outside the hostel. A sudden chill swept through me at his departure, and I knew it didn't have anything to do with the weather.

I sighed heavily, pushed the door open, and stepped inside. I pulled my key card out of my pocket and made my way through the hostel to room 103 where my bed – and my new friends – awaited me.

As I lay in bed, the light of my cell phone's tiny display cast a small glow around me in the darkness of the hostel room and I smiled at the name on the screen before my eyes. I had added Dan's number to my phonebook after changing into my pyjamas and climbing into bed, and not ten minutes later Dan had sent me a text message.

With the sound of my roommates light snores echoing around me, I re-read the message.

_In the __dark of the night, on the cold lonely street, he sets off alone and leaves her behind. Yet he knows this is not goodbye … it is only the beginning. Sleep well. Dan xx_

~*~

The following few weeks passed in a blur of job interviews, new friends, and finding my way around a new city. The Brisbane public transport system was fairly easy to navigate – once you knew how – and I found myself absolutely loving my new home.

As promised, Tilly had secured me a job as a receptionist at the hostel she managed, just while I looked for other work. She insisted that the job was mine for as long as I wanted it, and really, I didn't need to look for anything else. However, as much fun as working at the hostel was, I really needed to find something a little more challenging. I missed my job back in Seattle already; I craved it. I was desperate to get my hands on an un-edited manuscript and start editing the crap out of it.

There were a few small editing companies that I had submitted my résumé to, and I had scoured the newspapers for any other jobs were available. Some of the newspapers and magazines had positions for part-time and casual editing staff advertised, so they all received a copy of my résumé too. Unfortunately, most of those jobs were snapped up very fast, so I had started receiving letters that read something along the lines of, "Thank you for your application. We regret to inform you that the position you applied for has been filled …"

I had only been in the city for three weeks though, so I wasn't giving up just yet.

Dan and I had been calling and text messaging quite often since that last night in Sydney, and I found myself becoming more and more attracted to him. I eagerly awaited any contact with him, and my stomach would flip excitedly every time I saw his name flash up on the screen of my cell phone.

It wasn't long before my friends back home knew about my new "interest." A video Skype chat with Alice a few days after my arrival in Brisbane had alerted her to my change in demeanor.

"There's definitely something different about you, Bella," Alice said, her brow furrowed in contemplation. "Something's happened …"

"Nothing's happened," I insisted. "I'm just really enjoying myself here. Tilly and Sara -"

"You've met someone!" she gasped loudly, excitement filling her eyes. "You've met a guy, haven't you? Oh, tell me all about him!"

I rolled my eyes. "There isn't a guy, Alice."

"Oh yes there is! You can't hide it from me, Bella Swan! I don't care what you say … that look on your face is not the result of making a few new friends. What does he look like? What does he _sound_ like? Ooh, what's his name? I'll bet it's something totally sexy and Australian …"

I snorted at her last comment. "Sexy and Australian? His name's Dan. Short for Daniel. Like the thousands of other men in the world."

"Mmm, Dan …" she moaned. "That's so hot. Is he cute? Oh, I knew it! I knew there was a guy! Bella, I'm so happy for you!" A distorted squeal came over my speakers as the pitch of her voice in her microphone messed with the connection.

"Alice, calm down or you'll make Skype explode. And don't get too excited over it … we're just friends. We met at a bar in Sydney, got drunk together, I moved to Brisbane. End of story."

I watched the slightly pixellated Alice on my laptop screen sigh heavily and fold her arms over her chest.

"End of story my ass," she muttered. "Have you kept in contact with him?"

"Yeah, we text," I replied reluctantly, knowing she'd make a huge deal out of it.

"Ha! And I'll bet you get excited every time your phone chimes!"

I tried to fight the grin that threatened to expose me, but I failed miserably. I closed my eyes and laughed.

"Oh, Alice, he's just amazing. He's funny, sweet, down-to-earth … and he's got my emotions running wild. I just don't know what to make of it all! I feel so guilty feeling this way about him when I've left Jake in Seattle, not to mention I almost feel like I'm cheating on Edward …"

"Stop right there," Alice demanded, her expression serious. "Firstly, no guilt over Edward. He wanted you to move on, to be happy, and that's what you're doing. You're doing so well! The old Bella is emerging from the darkness; do NOT let her retreat back inside that funk. Secondly, I know that things with Jake got a little … I know that you and he have a close relationship. I know there's an aspect of it that went beyond normal friendship, that you became quite intimate. But I also know that you weren't in an actual relationship with him, and that you told him not to wait for you. So don't keep yourself for him either, not if you've found someone else who makes you happy. You can't lock yourself away like that, Bella! You shouldn't feel guilty for being attracted to another man, especially when you're not in a relationship to begin with. You're young, you're single, and you're on the other side of the world! Forget everything else! You're starting fresh over there, remember? Make the most of it."

I sighed. "Yeah, I know. You're right. I just … don't know. I really do like Dan, but he lives so far away."

"It'll work out somehow," Alice said happily. "Everything always does. You never know; you might meet someone even better than Dan."

Laughing, I said, "Doubtful! I swear to God, Alice, this guy is like pure sex …"

The rest of the conversation consisted of an Alice-style inquisition, in which every detail of Dan and my encounters with him was discussed thoroughly. She briefly touched on how everyone else was doing back home, and Jasper had jumped into the conversation next to Alice for a few minutes, before I had to say goodbye to get ready for my next reception shift.

Talking to Alice had made me come to a few realizations, and I felt myself starting to become a bit more confident in myself and my decisions. The phone calls between Dan and me became longer and more flirtatious, and we had started to discuss future visits. None had been set in stone, but it was enough to know that it would happen at some point.

~*~

"If I could just get you to sign in here," I said, pointing to the open pages of the guest book. "We just need your name, nationality, passport or ID number, your address, and your contact email address."

The Japanese couple began to write their details into the book and I turned away from the desk to take the keys to their room out of the key cupboard. Finally finding the correct ones, I closed the cupboard doors and turned back to the couple.

"I'll also require a ten dollar key deposit, which you'll get back once you check out," I informed them.

"We have to pay for the key?" the male of the couple asked, a slightly confused look on his face.

"It's just a deposit, in case you lose the keys. We will return the ten dollars to you when you hand the keys back to us once you check out," I clarified. This seemed to satisfy him, as he reached into his money belt to pull out some cash. After rifling through the wad of bright-colored plastic notes, he pulled out a blue one and handed it over.

I took it from his hand and placed it inside the corresponding envelope in the box beside the till. I held the set of keys up in front of him and began my spiel.

"This large key is for the door to your dormitory. The square key is for a locker inside the dorm, which is labelled with the same name as your allocated bed. You'll be staying in room 3F, which is up on level three. If you go through this door," I gestured towards the door to the right of the reception desk, leading to the stairwell, "and up two flights of stairs, you'll come to level three. Room 3F is the third door on your right. You'll be in the beds labelled 'Southbank' and 'West End'."

"Is there an elevator?" the woman in the couple asked.

I nodded in reply. "If you go through this door and turn left, the elevator is located opposite the stairs. Just press the button for level 3. We also have a kitchen downstairs if you wish to cook your own meals while you're here; we just ask that you clean up after yourself. Feel free to make use of the lounge as well. Also, check out will be at ten-thirty tomorrow morning. You're welcome to use the hostel's facilities after that time, but you will need to be out of the room by ten-thirty. We have luggage storage if you wish to leave your bags here while you go out and explore the city." I gave the keys to the couple and smiled at them. "The hostel is open twenty-four hours a day, and there's always someone here on the desk, so if you have any problems, don't hesitate to come down and see us."

The couple smiled at me in return, thanked me, then wheeled their luggage through the door beside me and disappeared down the hall.

After finishing the check-in process for the Japanese couple - finishing off the paperwork and making sure that everything was in order - I sat down in front of the computer to check the hostel's emails. A few more new bookings had come through, so I printed off the relevant information, followed the processes online, then began to write the new bookings into the book.

I was halfway through when the phone rang.

"Hello, River City Hostel, Bella speaking."

"Hullo Bella, it's Sean here," came a familiar Irish voice down the line.

"Oh, hey Sean! What's up?" I asked. Sean was the manager of one of our sister hostels, located only a few streets away. Even though he had been living in Australia for over fifteen years, his Irish accent was still as strong as ever.

"I've got a young lad here wantin' to stay for a few weeks, but we've not got the room. I thought you might have one of yeh long-term beds available for him."

"Hang on, I'll just check," I replied, flipping the bookings book open to the current day's date. I ran my finger down the page, looking at the availability.

"That shouldn't be a problem, Sean," I answered finally. "We've got a few spare beds in the male long-term dorm, so send him on over!"

"Oh, you might want to try keep this one around as long as yeh can, Bella. He's quite a handsome lad. Would charm the pants off of you and keep yeh bed warm at night …" teased the Irishman.

I rolled my eyes and felt my cheeks heat up a little.

"Sean, you just keep your little leprechaun nose out of my love life, okay? I keep my bed warm enough all by myself," I scolded playfully.

"Ah, but this lad would warm it up the fun way." I could hear Sean's smirk from the other end of the telephone.

"Just send him over, Sean," I laughed.

"Right-o! Hey Bella, are you girls heading over our way tonight? Amy's got one killer of a quiz lined up," Sean said.

"It's Wednesday! Of course we're going to be there. As long as you've got the beer, we'll bring the fun."

Sean laughed. "I've got the beer all right. It wouldn't be right if I didn't get you girls drunk before eleven on a Wednesday night."

I laughed again and added, "And you wouldn't get the quiz crowds if Tilly wasn't guaranteed to take her shirt off at some point during the night. You dirty old man."

"Hey, enough of that …" Sean warned with a chuckle. "Okay, I'll see you tonight. Make sure young Sara brings that man of hers along too. I've yet to meet the illustrious Drew."

"Will do! Are you sending that guy over here now?"

"Yes, once I stop harassing you I'll send him on his way," replied Sean.

"Okay, thanks, Sean! I'll see you tonight," I said cheerfully, and pressed the 'end' button on the cordless phone before placing it back down on its dock. Smiling to myself, I continued where I had left off with the new bookings.

I was down to the last one when the door to the hostel opened and a slight breeze blew through, gently rustling the papers on the desk. Thinking that it was probably the guy Sean had sent over, I rushed to finish off the last booking before handling his check-in.

"Just give me one second, I'll be right with you," I said without looking up.

"Not a problem. I'm not going anywhere," responded a familiar voice.

My head shot up and I felt my jaw drop.

"Dan? What are you doing here?"

* * *

_Okay, time for the exciting** Fandom Gives Back** news..._

_Hannah81 and myself are organising the **Eclipse Masquerade Ball Australia**, which will be held in Sydney, NSW, on Saturday June 26th, 2010. All proceeds from the event will go to **The Fandom Gives Back** for **Alex's Lemonade Stand Foundation**. _  
_For more information on the event, you can check out our website at: _

_http : // eclipseballaustralia . blogspot . com_

_or follow us on Twitter:_

_(at)Eclipse_Ball_Au _  
_(at)IvyandLime _  
_(at)_Hannah81_  
_

_We'd really appreciate your support. We've got lots of fun lined up for the night, so keep an eye on the website for updates! We also have a large amount of merchandise up for auction on the night which you won't want to miss out on!_

_In other news, I now have a blog dedicated to my stories, both fanfiction and original fiction. I have a number of stories up there that I haven't posted anywhere else, including my contribution piece for Ms Kathy's 'Twifans for Haiti' compilation. I'll be posting everything on there first from now on, so go check it out!_

_http : // theivyandlimenotebook . blogspot . com_

_Now go click that review button and leave me some luuuurve! =)  
_


	10. Chapter 9: Purging, Pashing and Pancakes

_What's this? An update? Must be a miracle… LOL_

_Yes, I'm finally back. Not going to make any excuses. Real life sucks. Let's leave it at that!_

_Sooooo__…you may or may not hate me by the end of this. I'm crossing my fingers for the latter, but either way, I hope you enjoy it! It's taken me long enough to spit it out!_

_Warning: huge-arse A/N at the end. Please read it if you can. It's kind of important._

_Disclaimer: SM's names, my storyline. Please respect that._

* * *

**Thinking of You**

**Chapter Nine – Purges, Pashing and Pancakes**

"Surprise?" Dan shrugged with a meek smile, gauging my reaction.

"Oh my gosh! Dan!" I cried, jumping up behind the desk and launching myself into his arms, forgetting that the large wooden structure sat between us. Dan laughed and hugged me back, pulling me tight against his chest.

"God, I've missed you," he breathed, burying his face into my hair and inhaling deeply.

"I've missed you too," I replied, closing my eyes and savoring the moment between us. Then, pulling back from him slightly, I said, "You didn't answer my question. What are you doing here?"

"Visiting you," he responded with a wink.

I rolled my eyes, trying not to allow my predictable blush to take control. My cheeks were already flushed enough with the surprise of Dan's appearance.

"How long are you staying for?"

"What is this, the Spanish Inquisition?" he laughed. "I'm … undecided." A sudden shyness settled over his demeanor, sparking an odd curiosity inside me.

"Why are you really here, Dan?" I asked seriously, my voice quiet as I placed my hand gently on his forearm.

A large, loud group of tourists decided at that moment to enter the reception, laden down with large suitcases and duffle bags. Dan and I both turned to look at them, distracted momentarily, before turning back to face each other. I gave him an apologetic smile.

"It's kind of a long story, and you're busy. I'll tell you over drinks when I'm kicking your arse at the quiz tonight," he chuckled with a wink. I grinned at him.

"Ha ha. Good luck with that. I'll have you know that Sara, Tilly and I are the unbeatable trio when it comes to quiz night. Oh, here," I said, fishing around in my pocket for a few seconds before pulling out a set of keys. "These are for my room. You can go dump your stuff up there if you want, make yourself at home. I'll sort out your sleeping arrangements later. I'll be done here in about an hour, and then we can head out and find some dinner. My room's up on level seven. It's got an, ahem, _interesting_ drawing of me tacked to the door. You can't miss it."

I was forever taking the cartoon-style abomination down, and yet it somehow always found its way back up on my door, fastened in a more permanent way than the time before. I knew Tilly was behind it, even if she swore black and blue that she knew nothing about it. I had yet to think of something creative to get back at her for it. Maybe Dan would have some ideas.

Dan laughed again and took the keys from my outstretched palm.

"Thanks, Bella. See you soon," he said quietly and leaned over the desk to place a soft kiss on my forehead. He then disappeared through the door and up the staircase.

I felt myself swoon a little at the gesture, then shook my head to the clear my thoughts as the large group of guests stepped up to the desk to check in. I instantly heard American accents and groaned internally. As much as I loved my home country and its people, large groups of tourists like this one were most often than not the worst people to deal with in the customer service industry. Besides, I had come to Australia to escape home, not to have it follow me halfway across the world.

Feeling my excitement over Dan's arrival dissipate somewhat, I reluctantly fixed a large smile to my face and put on my 'Happy Receptionist Bella' façade.

"Hi there! What name is your reservation under?"

A few hours later found Tilly, Sara and I well on our way to becoming the drunken quiz champions of our local pub - as per usual - with Dan fast becoming an integral part of our weekly ritual. As much as he boasted that he and Sara's boyfriend Drew would be able to flatten the three of us by themselves, after the first round of questions it was quite evident that he was all talk. By the third round, Drew had pulled out and taken to observing us girls, leaving Dan to compete on his own. By the fifth round, Dan had surrendered and joined with us to finish off the quiz and take out the title – a common occurrence for us. As the bartender, Amy, announced us the winners, Dan and Drew let out loud hoots and hollers as Tilly performed her customary "Quiz Champion Booty Shake." The dance basically consisted of Tilly shaking her ass and flashing her boobs. As shameless as Tilly seemed normally, she was even worse when drunk.

Dan and I made our way up to the bar to collect our prize, leaving Tilly alone to fend off all her sudden male attention, as Drew and Sara had disappeared outside for a smoke.

"Wow, you girls sure know how to have one hell of a crazy night!" Dan chuckled, scooping the carton of beer up under his arm.

"I did warn you …" I smirked.

"Yeah, yeah. No need to start with the 'I told you so' business …" he retorted, sticking his tongue out at me as we both headed for the exit. We passed Drew and Sara just outside the door, both puffing on cigarettes, their breaths creating large clouds in the air in front of their faces from the mixture of the cold weather and cigarette smoke.

"We'll be up in my room with the beer," I told Sara. "Come on over when you're done here and we'll put a movie on or something."

Sara nodded and snuggled in close to Drew's side in an attempt to keep warm.

"We'll be there as soon as I'm able to drag Tilly away," she said, rolling her eyes.

I laughed. "So we'll see you in about two hours then?"

Sara flipped me the bird then stubbed out her cigarette butt in the designated bin and dragged Drew back inside the pub with her.

Dan and I walked down the road towards the hostel in a companionable silence, neither of us seeming to have anything to say after leaving the pub. The silence continued all the way to the hostel and up to my room, with the exception of our appearance in reception and the congratulatory greetings we exchanged with the night porter, Gus.

After unlocking my door and fumbling through the dark to find the switch to turn my lamp on, I shrugged off my coat while Dan sat the carton of beer down on the floor beside my bed and kicked off his chucks, leaving his socks on. I watched from my makeshift desk (four overturned, stacked milk crates topped with a piece of plywood and covered with an old floral sarong) as he flopped down on my bed and closed his eyes. The content smile that animated his peaceful face sent sparks of warmth shooting through my veins, warming me from the inside out.

I smiled to myself and cracked open the carton of beer, stuffing as many cans into my tiny bar fridge as would fit. With the beer chilling, I took the three steps across the small room to join Dan on my bed. I flopped down next to him and turned my head slightly to face him, my eyes drinking in every detail of his calm features in the dim yellow light of my room.

We lay there in silence for a few moments; the only sounds in the room our shallow breathing and the dull noise of the street below filtering in through my window.

Dan began to slowly open his eyes, the bright blue orbs piercing straight through my own eyes and causing my skin to instantly erupt in goose bumps.

"Hi," I murmured.

"Hi yourself," he responded.

More silence. We continued to stare at each other, and I could feel the fading happy buzz of the alcohol in my system being replaced by something just as powerful yet completely different. It scared the shit out of me. I had no idea what I was doing, or what I was feeling, but I knew that Dan meant a lot more to me than I was comfortable acknowledging.

I also knew that if he didn't kiss me in the next thirty seconds, I was going to spontaneously combust.

As though he could read my mind, Dan's face drew closer to my own, the inches between our lips disappearing rapidly as he descended on me. His eyes sparkled brighter than I had ever seen them, making the excited anticipation coursing through my veins double.

I could feel his breath warm on my lips; could smell his sweet scent of spice mingled with the slightly stale smell of the beer he had been drinking all night. Our lips were so close now I could feel the ghost of a touch before they were to join completely in the anticipated kiss …

_"Hey, slow it down, whataya want from me, whataya want from me…"_

I sighed as Adam Lambert's voice became increasingly louder from the pocket of my jeans. _Way to ruin the moment, Adam, _I thought, closing my eyes and letting my head drop to the side. _I want you to shut up so Dan can kiss me…_

"Ignore it," Dan whispered, his face still hovering close above mine.

I so desperately wanted to ignore my ringing cell, but I knew that if I did, the moment would still be ruined, so it didn't really matter either way.

_"Just don't give up, I'm workin' it out, please don't give in, I won't let you down …"_

"Bella …"

I sighed again and rolled away from Dan, standing up to pull the damn phone from my pocket. I looked at the caller ID before cutting off Adam mid-word by answering; it was Sara.

"Hi Sara," I answered, not even trying to keep the disappointment out of my voice.

"Hey Bella, are you okay?" Sara replied, shouting over the noise of the pub.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Hang on, I can't hear you." I heard the background noise of the pub dim until I could barely hear it; Sara must have walked out onto the street. "That's better. I can actually hear myself think now. Are you sure you're ok? You don't sound very happy."

"Yeah, I'm just tired. What's up? Have you managed to get Tilly under control yet?" I asked, changing the subject. As annoyed as I was with Sara's interruption, I knew that she would feel guilty if she knew what she had intruded upon, and I didn't want her to think that I was annoyed with her, because I wasn't. She hadn't known what was about to happen between me and Dan, so it wasn't her fault. That didn't stop me from feeling extremely disappointed though.

"Yeah … that's what I'm calling about. Tilly's had more than a little too much to drink tonight, so Drew and I are going to take her back to our place and let her pass out in the spare room. We're both pretty tired, so we're going to pass on the movies and beer tonight. Hope you don't mind?" explained Sara.

At Sara's words, I was internally cheering and jumping excitedly at the thought of Dan and I having the rest of the night alone together, while also feeling petrified for the same reason.

"No, that's okay. We'll probably just put on a movie and fall asleep. Do you need a hand with Tilly at all?"

"No, we'll be fine. Drew's got it under control," she laughed. "Hey, how about we meet up for breakfast tomorrow? Drew doesn't start work until two o'clock and you and Til both have the morning off, don't you?"

I nodded into my phone, forgetting Sara couldn't see me. "Yeah, we're both on reception together tomorrow night. What did you have in mind?"

"How about we meet at the Pancake Manor at ten? That'll give Til a chance to sleep off tonight and make herself feel somewhat human. Sound good to you?"

"Sounds perfect," I smiled, remembering my first meal in Brisbane – pancakes at seven in the evening courtesy of the Pancake Manor.

"Awesome. Do you remember how to get there?"

"Umm … I think so. Refresh my memory, just in case?" I suggested.

After getting the directions to our breakfast meeting place off Sara, we bade each other goodnight (I wished her luck with Tilly), and then hung up. I turned back to Dan, a smile playing on my face.

"Tomorrow morning, you are going to experience the BEST pancakes you will ever have in your life," I informed him.

"Oh really? He asked, raising his eyebrows. "Are they cooked by you?"

I shook my head and sat back down on the bed beside him.

"Nope, though I must admit, my pancakes are truly amazing …"

"You'll have to make them for me sometime," he winked.

I felt my cheeks heat up with the embarrassed flush that overtook them. Feeling a little self-conscious, I let my eyes drift down to inspect my bedspread in an attempt to avoid eye contact with Dan. An almost awkward silence fell between us.

I could feel the intensity of his gaze on me as the silence grew, and the tension that had appeared in the room since our "moment" thickened. My fingers, which were picking at a loose thread on the bedspread, were suddenly stilled by Dan as he took my hands in his.

"Bella," he said quietly, breaking the silence. "Bella, look at me."

Complying, I slowly lifted my gaze to meet his and felt my breath catch at the emotion I saw in his eyes. It was almost too much for my poor heart to handle.

"Bella, I … I really ..."

"How about we put on that movie?" I suggested, overwhelmed by the intensity of the moment. I pulled my hands out of Dan's grasp and quickly moved away from the bed and towards my small television. Once I was standing in front of my limited collection of DVD's, I allowed myself to breathe, not realizing that I had been holding my breath. Pretending that I was deciding on a movie to watch gave me a moment to regroup while hiding just how terrified I was.

"Bella, I -"

"Please, Dan?" I pleaded, keeping my back to him. I heard his disappointed sigh and the rustling of the bedcovers as he stood up. I felt him move across the room and heard the click of the door.

I whirled around to find him pushing the door open, his coat slung over one arm.

"Where are you going?" I asked, panicked.

"To my dorm," he muttered, not looking at me.

"Why?"

"Because it's clear I'm making you uncomfortable. It's probably best if I just left now …"

"Dan, no!" I cried, rushing over to him. "No, you're not making me uncomfortable. I'm just … I'm … oh God, I don't know what I'm feeling! I'm confused, I'm excited, I'm absolutely petrified …"

"Because of me," Dan stated, dejected.

"No! I mean, well, _yes_, but … no! It's me. I …" I broke off, tears beginning to well in my eyes. "Dan," I whispered. "Dan, look at me."

His eyes connected with mine and the sadness evident in them broke my heart. I began to cry.

"Dan, I'm just so _scared._ I'm scared about all these feelings you're stirring up inside me. I feel like, by … by wanting to feel these feelings, by accepting these feelings for you, that I'm betraying my … my … that I'm betraying Edward. It's so stupid, because he died over two years ago, and he told me in a letter that he wanted me to move on, to be happy with someone else, and I want that too, but I still feel so guilty, even though all I really want to do is kiss you … Dan, all I want to do is fall for you like I think I am, and for it to be that simple and that easy. I want you to have moved your whole life from Sydney to here just so you could take a chance on me, and for you to have come back to my room after a wonderful night at the pub and kissed me and settled in bed with me to watch a movie and for us to have fallen asleep in each other's arms … Dan, I want _you_ but I don't know how to let myself," I choked, tears streaming down my face.

Without saying a word, Dan stepped forward and wrapped his arms around me, letting me cry into his shirt. We stood that way by my door until my tears had subsided. Still remaining silent, I pulled away from him slightly, pulled the door closed, and led him over to my bed. I drew the sheets back and looked at him, asking him more with my eyes than my words to stay.

"Lay with me?"

He nodded in response and we both climbed into my bed, pulling the sheets up over us as Dan spooned me, his arms wrapped tightly around me as we lay together.

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, relishing the warmth of Dan's body around mine and being soothed by his steady breaths so close to my right ear. I interlaced our fingers over my chest and squeezed them firmly in a gesture of thanks.

We lay like that for a few minutes, the emotion-charged air from the moments before lifting the longer we lay there.

I heard Dan's breathing halt before he spoke.

"Tell me about him," he whispered in my ear. "Tell me about Edward."

I regarded his request silently for a moment, before taking a breath and starting to tell Dan the whole story of Bella and Edward, beginning with the day that we had first met. Dan listened quietly the entire time, laughing when I shared some of the funnier moments of my relationship with Edward, and holding me tighter when I found the retelling of Edward's death more difficult. I continued speaking, telling him of Jake and Alice and my parents, not stopping until I reached the first day I met Dan in Sydney.

When I finally finished, it felt as though a weight had lifted from my shoulders. I had shared things with Dan that I had never spoken to anyone about before, and it felt good. Once I had started to talk, I had found myself unable to stop, purging everything from my system.

As I lay there next to Dan, my entire being now bared for him to see, I came to a realization; two whole years' worth of pent up grief, frustration, guilt, and anger over Edward's death was now free from my heart and from my soul.

I was now free to move on.

"Thank you, Bella. Thank you for sharing that with me," Dan said, hugging me tight. His voice was full of emotion and reverence.

I rolled over to face him and hugged him back.

Looking up at him, I said, "Thank you for giving me the chance to share it with you. You have no idea how much you have just changed everything."

He looked at me quizzically. "Is it a good change?"

I smiled. "It's a wonderful change."

Exhausted from the heavily emotional night, Dan and I continued to gaze at each other until our eyes began to droop and our breaths began to even as we fell into a content slumber.

I awoke the next morning to feel my pillow shifting underneath me. It took me a moment to realize that my pillow wasn't actually my pillow; rather, it was Dan's arm and he was carefully trying to extricate it from underneath my head.

"'Morning," I mumbled sleepily, smiling lazily at him.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," he replied, abashed. "My bladder really can't hold out any longer."

I giggled, lifting my head slightly so he could pull his arm free.

"I'll be back in a sec," he said apologetically, and rushed out the door.

I yawned and stared up at the ceiling, my smile growing wider with every passing second. I reflected on my realizations of the night before, and the fact that I had just spent the night cuddled up to a man who wasn't Edward or Jake. And I felt absolutely no guilt about it. It was a great feeling.

I allowed my mind to wander to thoughts of Dan and my feelings for him. The longer I let the thoughts infiltrate my mind, the stronger I realized my feelings were for him. As I lay there, I could feel all sorts of feelings and emotions flowing through me; happiness, excitement, nervousness, lust, love …

Love. Was that what I really felt for Dan? I had only known him for a month. Was it possible that I could have fallen in love with him in that short space of time?

_It only took you a week with Edward,_ a little voice said in my mind.

"I suppose …" I said out loud to no-one.

"You suppose what?" Dan asked, sliding back into bed next to me and planting a kiss on my forehead.

"I suppose that staying in bed a bit longer with you won't be too much of a chore," I smirked.

"Oh ho! Someone's got their smarty-pants on this morning. I could always go get to know my dorm mates … brag that I slept with the hot American receptionist last night …"

I poked my tongue out at him. "More like snored in her ear all night."

"I don't snore!" Dan cried in mock outrage. "How dare you even suggest such a thing?"

"It was worth putting up with for the extra bed warmth though," I giggled. "If nothing else, you're good for that."

"Now you're making me feel like I've been used … bed warmer indeed," he sniffed.

I gave him a playful shove in the chest and laughed. He encased me in his arms and pulled me close to his chest. With my head resting over his heart, I listened to the steady "lub-dub lub-dub" that was the centre of his life force moving the blood around his body.

"Thank you for last night," I finally said, my voice quiet but full of gratitude. "You really helped me in more ways than I ever could have imagined."

"I didn't really do anything but listen," he replied just as quietly.

"Oh, but you did so much more! You gave me the courage to share my past, and by doing so, helped me release a lot of demons I've been living with these past few years. Last night has freed me up to be me again, to allow myself to feel things that I've previously been forbidding myself to feel. So thank you, Dan. Thank you so much."

"You're welcome," he whispered in reply, gazing deep into my eyes.

The connection our eyes held gave me the courage to voice what I'd been thinking a few minutes earlier, when Dan had been in the bathroom.

"Dan, I – I think I'm falling in love with you," I said, my voice barely a whisper. And before he could respond, I closed the distance between us and pressed my lips to his in a kiss.

I felt him stiffen a little in surprise, before he responded with an eagerness and energy that spurred on my own. His tongue gently traced my bottom lip requesting entrance, which I granted immediately, opening myself to his kiss completely. Shivers ran up and down my spine at the passion contained in the kiss, and I felt my stomach twisting in excitement. My hands wound up around Dan's neck and fisted in his hair, pulling him closer to me.

Dan's hands, which had been resting on my hips, began to make their way up my back under my shirt, coming to rest over my shoulder blades and holding me close to his chest.

When we finally broke apart, I let my forehead rest upon Dan's as we both struggled to catch our breath. I slowly opened my eyes to find his already locked on mine.

"I love you, Bella," he breathed. "I think I've loved you from that first moment I saw you blush at the bar in Sydney."

I pressed my lips against his again in response to his words, and pulled back to rest my head upon his chest again. I could feel his heart racing, just as mine was.

We held each other close, arms wrapped around each other tight, as we lay in the afterglow of our confessions. In that moment, I felt happier than I had in a long time.

Remembering our breakfast date with my friends, I glanced at my watch to check the time; it was only eight-thirty-five.

"What time are we doing breakfast?" Dan murmured into my hair.

"Ten," I replied, placing a gentle kiss to his chest. "We'll have to leave here in an hour."

"Mmmm. Plenty of time."

We spent the next half hour wrapped in each other's arms; drawing patterns on each other's backs with our fingertips, sharing gentle kisses, Dan playing with my curls …

Our walk along the river towards Queen Street was a pleasant one. The hostel was located near Southbank, so we casually strolled hand-in-hand along the boardwalk past the beach-like lagoon and over Victoria Bridge. We paused halfway over the bridge to look out over the Brisbane River on the beautiful Winter's morning; the cloudless sky was allowing the sun to reflect off the river, making the water sparkle over the waves the City Cats were creating as they glided over the water, transporting business men and women, students, and tourists alike from one side of the river to the other. We continued over the bridge and made our way down to Queen Street, walking through the mall and the busy crowd of shoppers that had already gathered there for the morning.

Once we hit the end of the pedestrian mall, we turned right on Edward Street. Every time I had come across Edward Street over the past few weeks, my heart had skipped a beat and a pain had settled deep inside me, causing me to falter. This morning, however, this didn't happen. I looked at the street sign, I read the name, I even voiced it, and nothing.

This was a good sign.

We continued along Edward Street for two blocks, making another right at Charlotte Street. Following it almost all the way to the end, we passed a second-hand book store (that I made a mental note to visit after breakfast), and came to the front steps of the old converted church that was Pancake Manor.

Sara, Drew and Tilly hadn't arrived yet, so we waited out the front for their arrival.

"So this is where I'll be eating the best pancakes ever, huh?" Dan asked, looking up at the building before us.

I nodded enthusiastically. "Uh huh. And you know what? This place is open twenty-four hours a day, so if you've got a craving for pancakes at four am, this is where you get 'em."

"Jeezus … they're serious about their pancakes, aren't they?" he laughed.

"You just wait until you try them, buddy. You'll be singing their praises 'til the cows come home."

"I can't wait," he grinned, leaning down to kiss me.

"Ahem."

A throat cleared in front of us, and upon separating we realized that our breakfast companions had arrived.

I felt my cheeks flush a little at being sprung by them.

"Something you guys aren't telling us?" Tilly questioned, one eyebrow raised.

"Nope," Dan replied, popping his 'p.'

"But you just pashed her!"

"I'm also starving. Shall we head in?"

He stepped aside and motioned for Tilly to ascend the stairs. She stared him down, brow furrowed, before relenting and marching up the stairs to the restaurant. The rest of us followed her, entering the beautiful converted church and waiting to be seated.

"Pashed?" I questioned Dan quietly, out of earshot of Tilly.

"It's Aussie for 'kissed,'" he whispered in response. "Just like the Brits say 'snogged.'"

"I see …" I trailed off, the strange word bouncing around my mind. Aussie slang was still something I was trying to get my head around.

"Table for five?" the waitress asked, acknowledging our group. There weren't too many patrons in the restaurant, so fortunately we didn't have to wait for a table.

Sara nodded, and the waitress collected a handful of menus and led us over to a large round table. Once we were all seated, she supplied us with the menus and left us to decide what we wanted.

I heard Dan moan quietly as he perused the menu.

"See something you like?" I teased.

He glanced up at me. "Sure do. But there's no way in hell I can eat it here. These pancakes, on the other hand …"

I choked at Dan's admission, my face turning a traitorous red with embarrassment.

"Dan!" I scolded quietly.

He shrugged. "I was only answering your question …" he smirked.

"Oh, you -"

"Are you ready to order?" The waitress was back, pen and notepad in hand.

Sara started off, informing the waitress of her order, followed by Drew and Tilly.

"What are you going to get?" Dan asked me, his eyes still on the menu.

"I'm having the Strawberry Patch. You?"

"I can't decide," he whined. "They all look so good …"

"M'am?" The waitress asked, gaining my attention.

"I'll have the Strawberry Patch and a glass of orange juice, thanks," I replied.

"And for you, Sir?" she asked Dan.

"Umm … uh … I'll have the Blackforest Cherry and … and an orange juice as well, thanks."

The waitress wrote down Dan's order, smiled at us, then walked away.

"Chocolate pancakes. Nice choice," Tilly grinned, giving Dan a double thumbs up. "I always get the Chocolate Jewels. There's no such thing as too much chocolate!"

Sara rolled her eyes. "It's her hangover cure," she informed Dan. "The morning after a huge night for her, without fail, the first thing she has is chocolate double coated with chocolate topped with chocolate glazed chocolate. Seriously. I don't know how she does it. I take one look at chocolate after a big night, and all I want to do is throw up."

"Because there's something seriously wrong with you, that's why," Tilly retorted.

With the help of Dan and Drew, the witty banter between the two girls turned into jovial conversation between the five of us, our laughter filling the restaurant. Our drinks turned up, not long followed by the pancakes, and within seconds a content silence fell upon our table as we ate.

"Oh my god, Bella," Dan groaned as he chewed his first forkful of pancake. "You were right. Best. Pancakes. Ever."

"Told you so," I sing-songed.

Dan closed his eyes as he chewed, savouring the heaven that was his chocolate pancake breakfast.

Our plates were soon polished off, and our stomachs full. We re-started conversation while we let our breakfast settle, discussing our plans for the rest of the day.

"I'm babysitting for my cousin tonight," Sara said. "She and her husband are going out to some work function of his for dinner, so I offered my services. Callum's going through this really cute hide-and-seek phase at the moment, so I'm really looking forward to spending some time with him." Callum was Sara's cousin's fifteen-month-old son and Sara absolutely adored him.

"I'm meeting up with this guy I met out last weekend for a coffee down at Southbank. From what I can remember, he's really hot and has a voice like sex, so I'm hoping against all hell that it wasn't just a memory from my beer goggles …"

The rest of us laughed at that, as Tilly had a reputation for meeting up with men she had met at clubs that had seemed charming and attractive at the time, but had ended up being sleazy douchebags who only wanted to get into her pants.

"I want to check out this bookstore next door," I said, looking at Dan. "If that's okay with you?"

"That's fine with me. I need something to keep me entertained while you're working anyway."

"Oh, ouch. You mean you're not going to come down and keep me company at the desk?" I asked, turning on my sad puppy dog eyes.

"You mean distract you while you're meant to be working? Maybe for a little while," he winked.

"So I'm going to be the third wheel tonight? Fantastic," Tilly pouted.

"You're a big girl. You'll get over it," Dan responded, causing Tilly to flip him the bird.

That promptly ended our conversation, each of us deciding it was time to get a move on with our day. We all rose from our seats and made our way up to the counter to pay for our meals.

Dan and I waited until last to pay our bill, as we were only heading just down the street to the bookstore and were in no real rush. We said goodbye to Sara, Drew and Tilly and stepped up to pay.

Once the bill was settled, I turned around to walk away, looking down at my purse to put away my change as I did so and accidentally bumping into the person behind me. I promptly dropped my purse and coins flew out, rolling in every which direction.

"I'm so sorry," I cried, bending down to try and collect the shiny contents of my purse.

"It's okay. Here, let me help you," the stranger replied, kneeling down to help me. Something about his voice sounded familiar. He scooped up a few coins and handed them to me.

"Thanks," I said, looking up at him.

I gasped at who I saw before me. My purse fell to the floor for the second time in as many minutes as all conscious thought disappeared from my mind.

"Edward?"

The green eyes boring into mine flashed before the familiar voice uttered a single word.

"Shit."

* * *

_A/N:_

_Well, there you go! Bella finally starts to move on with her life and starts a relationship with Dan, only to have her past literally walk right into her. Is it Edward? Is he really alive? Find out next chapter. ;) I promise it won't be nearly as long between updates this time. Just so you know, the hostel and pub mentioned in this story aren't based on actual ones in Brisbane – I made them up. However, the Pancake Manor is VERY real, and although there is a shorter way to get to the PM from Southbank, the directions I mentioned in this chapter will get you there via the scenic Queen St Mall route. =) If you ever do visit Brisbane, I would highly recommend visiting the Pancake Manor. You won't regret it!_

_Now for some important (heart-wrenching) news._

_As most of you know, I'm an Aussie, but more precisely, I'm a Queenslander. My home state has been absolutely trashed these past 2 months by floods and, as I type, my hometown in Far North QLD is preparing for the monster storm that is Tropical Cyclone Yasi – the largest cyclone Australia has ever experienced in living memory. My parents and little brother have self-evacuated to safer ground, my friends and other family have either been evacuated or are bunkered down in their houses – meanwhile, I'm on holiday in Melbourne. I'm am absolutely terrified right now, as I know there's nothing I can do and I have no idea what I'm going to return to when I do fly home. I've spent all day sitting online and watching the news coverage on TV trying to keep myself as updated as possible, and it has honestly torn me apart seeing the streets of Cairns that I was only walking along last Thursday night so deserted, knowing that within a few hours they're most likely going to turn into disaster zones. _

_The hardest thing is being so far away from my family. I was dealing okay until my Mum rang me this morning and asked me what I wanted her to save to take with them in case the house is torn apart. You always talk about what you'd save in that situation, but when the time actually arises, how do you decide? That was a very hard thing for me to do. I keep thinking about what I could have done to help my parents prepare the house if I was there, but that's all I can do – think. I won't know for a few days what I'll be facing when I go home, so all I can do right now isstay positive and prepare myself for whatever may come._

_No one knows what the damage bill is going to be until after Yasi hits and fades away. But there is something we can all do to help. We can donate money to the QLD Premier's Disaster Relief Appeal, to help support those in South East QLD with the floods, and now North QLD with the Cyclone._

_I, along with 7 other Aussies, have organised 'Fandoms Fight The Floods,' a multi-fandom appeal to raise funds for the Premier's Disaster Relief Appeal. So far we have raised over $5500 for the appeal, and have over 230 authors contributing stories to our compilation – authors who have come in from various fandoms to provide us with a compilation that will contain stories from fandoms such as Twilight, Harry Potter, Southern Vampire Mysteries (True Blood), Vampire Academy, and more, as well as original fiction stories._

_Please, if you haven't already donated, head on over to our site to find out how. http:/fandomsfightthefloods(dot)blogspot(dot)com / p / home(dot)html (Remove the spaces)_

_As well as organising this compilation, I am also writing a one-shot for it. So if you'd like to see more from me, and many more of your favourite authors, please head on over and donate. Australia needs your help. My hometown needs your help._

_Sorry for the epic novel of an author's note. It's just something that is very personal to me right now, and I feel like the more awareness I can get out there to raise funds, the better I'll feel._

_I promise the next chapter won't be far away. I'm guessing you all either want to hug me or throw heavy objects at me right now…LOL_


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